filling in the pieces
by you know im gilderoylockhart
Summary: lily and james, the unlikely couple they were, were just that. a couple. for lily it's strange and new and for james it's finally. read about the two of them from the start of their relationship at the end of sixth year to that infamous Halloween night. they could have never guessed that being together would bring this fate upon them, but they don't regret a thing. READ & REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

As she walked down the hall back to the gryffindor tower at the end of the day, Lily Evans found herself thinking of James Potter, as she so often did nowadays and, as usual, she immediately kicked herself once she realized that she was doing it. It annoyed her to no end that she liked him. No, she did not like, _like_ him. Oh, bloody hell, she might as well admit it, she may have a crush on him. But crushes go away. That certainly did not mean anything.

But Lily was half-surprised that since the day she had absolutely exploded at him down by the lake, he seemed to have started shaping up. at least a little bit. He was still the same sarcastic, arrogant James that had been swaggering around the halls since first year, but he wasn't mean anymore. There were still many pranks being pulled, by Remus, Sirius, and Peter as much as him, but they were aimed more toward good humor. Things like enchanting teachers' teacups to scream merry christmas at people even though it was barely september. No more cruel hearted pranks like what the four of them used to do to Severus.

Ugh. lily didn't want to think about Sev. He had started being really distant lately. And another thing he had picked up, was bigoted opinions on half-bloods and "mudbloods". There was nothing wrong with being a mudblood. Lily herself was one and she was top of her class. It certainly didn't affect skill level. But try telling Severus that. They had been fighting a lot lately, which is why she was starting to rely on James. They were becoming friends mainly because she found her days so often drained of humor after being around Severus. He was exhausting and James helped get her mood back up.

It was late. She had been out at the library studying, but her brain could hardly take it anymore. She had decided it was probably best to resign for the night when she working on the topic of creating a volubilis potion, opened her scroll to take notes from a library book and forgot how to spell the word "festering".

Lily heaved a heavy sigh as she muttered the password (frolicking hippogriffs) to the portrait of the fat lady and stepped into the common room. She hadn't expected anyone else to still be up, yet James was laying there, propped up on one elbow by the fire, once again toying with a golden snitch he had managed to snag from the equipment room. He would let it fly as far as a foot or so above his head of unruly black hair before reaching an arm out and catching it effortlessly.

He turned a head towards her as she stepped through the portrait and immediately moved to put her stuff down on the table in the corner of the common room. She felt as if her arms were about to fall off from lugging all those heavy books all the way from the library. Of course, this was just a cover. She turned pink when she saw James just sitting there. He always gave her a sort of warm feeling. It was wonderful, but a little embarrassing all the same.

"Hey, Evans." James greeted her when she walked in.

"What are you still doing up?" she asked turning around to face him, her cheeks still slightly pink.

"I could ask the same about you." he let the snitch get so far away from him this time she would have thought it was a goner for sure, but he still reached out and grabbed it like it was nothing.

"Studying. Ever heard of it?"

"Heard of it. never a huge fan." he didn't even look in her direction. His recent attitude towards her both pleased her and annoyed her. On the one hand, he wasn't being a flirtatious jerk anymore. Well, he still flirted sometimes but Lily could tell that it was all in good fun. But on the other hand, now that she was starting to fall for him he was completely over her. And that was certainly not fair.

"No, but really," Lily walked over to one of the cushy armchairs by the fire that James was leaning against "what are you still doing up. What time is it even?"

"I believe," James said checking his watch "that it is nearing two AM."

"Good grief." Lily muttered. She had been studying for a very long time.

"And, to answer your other question, i just couldn't wait to tell you…" he smirked a sloppy smile and then launched into a grand tale of the great humiliation Sirius had suffered off a prank-gone-wrong earlier that day. Lily threw her head back and laughed as James made dramatic gestures along with the story.

And that's how they fell asleep nearly an hour later. Lily still curled up in the armchair by the fire, and James sitting by her feet with his head resting against her knee.


	2. Chapter 2

It was two days after that night in the common room. Lily still turned slightly red when she thought about it. It wasn't that it was embarrassing for her or anything, it was just that it made her really happy for some reason. She loved James's smile. It was… she didn't know. Cute.

No, that made her sound like some random girl in a Jane Austen novel, but it was the only word she could think of.

The halls were practically deserted. It was a hogsmeade weekend and even most of the teachers were gone. Lily had only seen one other student all day. The first years were too shy to come out of their dorms quite yet and most of the second years were out on the grounds sulking about having to wait a whole nother year before finding their own way into hogsmeade.

Lily wasn't headed anywhere in particular. She was kind of just walking around. She enjoyed the castle when it was like this. It was peaceful. That's the reason she stayed behind in the first place. With it being sixth year and all Lily knew was that she would have many more chances to go to hogsmeade, but not quite as many to see the castle like this. She would miss it.

Lily was so caught up in her feelings of nostalgia that she didn't see him at first, even though he was standing right in front of her.

"Hello, Severus." she coolly greeted him

"Hello, Lily." he said back to her "why aren't you in hogsmeade?"

"I could ask the same of you." Lily defensively crossed her arms over her chest. Snape opened his mouth to answer, but before he could he was cut off by another voice.

"Ahhh, Severus, there you are. I thought you had gotten lost." it was the voice of Lucius Malfoy, whom Lily despised. Openly.

"Hello, Lily." he said

"Malfoy." she spat back in greeting.

"Well that's no attitude to take with a _pureblood_ , now is it."

"I'll take whatever attitude i please. it makes no difference if you're a pure blood or not, you're still a rotten git."

"Oooh," Malfoy laid a hand on his chest in mock betrayal "i'm truly hurt. Why would you say such things, _mudblood_." Lily's blood boiled at the term.

"It's not as if i say things that aren't true."

Malfoy was about to open his mouth to retaliate once more, but he turned to see the source of the footsteps behind him.

"Nerys, Abigail, how nice of you two to join us!"

"Who do we have here?" Abigail asked as she neared the group "ooo, mudblood." she hissed, placing a manicured hand on Malfoy's shoulder.

"Why aren't you in hogsmeade, mudblood?" Abigail taunted

"Because i have things to do. _Productive_ things. You might have heard of that? Being productive?" and with that she turned to leave, but she heard a murmur and was suddenly bound by invisible ropes. She struggled for a moment, then realized that's probably what they wanted her to do and immediately became still. The ugly face of Lucius Malfoy came into focus as he stepped out in front of her, wand drawn.

"I didn't dismiss you yet, Evans," Severus appeared behind Lucius and muttered something quietly.

"Please." spat Lucius, his upper lip curling "you're standing up for mudbloods now, Snape? What's next? Running around saving little kittens from trees? No, i don't think i will let her go. Not yet anyway..." and he turned back to Lily "i do suppose you've heard, haven't you?" he asked her "about your kind? You're being wiped out. All you useless mudbloods."

"I'm not half as useless as you." Lily cut him off

"You can think that, and it might even be true, but it doesn't matter, because i'm not the one with a price on my head."

Lily's anger was bubbling inside of her, but she could not let Lucius see that, because that's exactly what he wanted. He had struck home with the comment about the price on the head of mudbloods. They were all being hunted. On the orders of Voldemort.

"Alright." he stated "very well. If you won't get angry i'm sure i can evoke another emotion." he waved his wand again and the binding spell was lifted, but as Lily was reaching for her wand, she heard someone behind her whisper

" _Cruccio_." and all thought of her wand was forgotten.

Lily didn't scream, she never screamed when she was in pain, but she dropped to her knees in unbearable agony almost immediately.

She started whimpering and hot tears made their way out of her eyes and down her face. She didn't even care that she was crying in front of a group of now-snickering slytherins. No, Lily didn't care about much of anything right now. She had fallen over on her back and was simply writhing on the floor. She wanted to escape her body somehow. She just needed the pain to end.

But it wouldn't. it wasn't ending. It was the worst thing Lily had ever felt in her life. She broke an arm when she was little, and a couple fingers last year. But that was nothing compared to this. She would take that a thousand times. A million compared to this. She was writhing in agony. It was all she could do. Someone needed to _make it stop._

Lily heard a shout from the end of the hall. She was hardly paying attention, though.

She had finally given into yelps of pain. The pain was only getting worse as it went and she was so relieved when it stopped that she stayed on the floor crying. Or at least, she would have if someone hadn't reached under her and picked her up.

Within a few minutes Lily had calmed down enough to stop crying. It was at this point she noticed who was carrying her. She was in the arms of James Potter. The odd thing was, she didn't even mind. A few years ago, hell, even one year ago, she would have had a cow. But now, she found this thought comforting.

James carried her into the common room and set her on the couch. He disappeared for a few moments, before shortly returning, two glasses of water in hand. He handed her one, and sat down on the couch next to her.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes. Just stared at the ground.

"Are you okay." he finally asked her.

"Yeah i'm fine." she lied. She could still feel the ghost of the pain in her body. She was still waiting for it to come back.

"I'm gonna kill him." James muttered

"Oh no you're not." Lily interjected

"Why not?" James stared at her incredulously.

Lily smirked "because i'm gonna kill him first."

James stared at her for a while before the edge of his mouth went up.


	3. Chapter 3

James potter was sitting on the edge of his four-poster bed in the boy's gryffindor dormitory. James, remus and peter sat across from him.

"Why are we here, prongs?" asked sirius leaning back against the headboard and kicking his legs out in front of him, nearly pushing remus and peter off the edge of the mattress.

"Anyone care for a prank?" asked james almost rhetorically. The marauders were always up for a good prank. It's what made them, them.

"Weren't we already pulling that one with stephen and the love potion?" asked remus

"Well yeah." answered james "but this is better. A prank on lucius malfoy and old snivellus snape."

"I thought you weren't going to pull pranks on severus anymore?" remus looked confused

"Didn't you promise lily?" asked sirius

"I know, i know. and look guys, this isn't just another prank because i don't like him. This is- it's-" it made james furious to even think about. Old snivellus and luci were lucky all they were getting was a nasty prank, because James would sure like to see how they responded under the crucatious curse, The bloody gits. Oh and the prank would be nasty, for sure. The nastiest.

"They-" james tried to start again, but just ended up stopping in frustration again and pulling on his hair.

"Oi," said sirius "don't do that, mate. When you've got such luscious locks you've got to take care of them. Now, what's got you all riled up?" james took a deep before finally saying "they- snape and malfoy, i mean- they… they were using the cruciatus curse… on lily."

This certainly earned reactions from the other marauders. Sirius sat up from his comfy position, remus was actually speechless for a moment, and peter issued a loud gasp.

"Why haven't you told anyone?" asked sirius

"Well, i sorta promised lily i'd let her handle it… but she hasn't done anything yet and i'm tired of waiting."

"When was this?" remus finally asks.

"It was the hogsmeade weekend."

Remus said calmly "when you stayed behind to 'study?'" while sirius nearly yelled "almost three whole weeks ago?"

Peter simply squeaked.

What happened was, even though they were friends and all, james hadn't talked to her in a couple days and had really started to miss lily.

Which was sort of odd, because she was still there at school, they still said hello to each other in the halls and stuff, but james wanted to talk to her again. Really have a conversation. So when he heard that lily wasn't going into hogsmeade that weekend he canceled his trip too. It was a great change to be alone with her. He had told remus he was studying when confronted, of course. He was pretty sure they all knew he still carried quite a torch for lily, even though he had stopped the incessant flirting, but he hadn't flat out told them he really liked her.

"Why didn't you tell us before?" asked sirius after a few moments "she's our friend too, you know." this was true. Lily had started hanging out with the other marauders quite a bit. even sometimes when james wasn't there.

"Oh I don't know." James said. "It just didn't seem… I don't know, right I guess."

They were all silent for a few moments before Sirius spoke up and said "so what kind of prank were you thinking of?"

Lily sat in the library, writing an essay for her defense against the dark arts class.

She dipped her quill in the ink, but stopped with it only halfway to the paper. She was still trying to think of a just retaliation against those slytherins. Mainly lucius. It had been him who had cast the curse, after all. Not that snape did anything to stop him. Lily's grip tightened around her quill in anger and the red ink stained her fingers.

It had been almost three weeks, and you can be sure that lily wasn't even close to forgetting. She was trying to hurry up and think of something before james just decided to take matters into his own hands, but nothing lily could come up with was quite horrible enough. Nothing legal, anyway. And revenge on lucius malfoy was not worth getting expelled for.

Lily shook her head and re-dipped her quill. Thinking about revenge wouldn't get her good marks on her report.

The plan was fool-proof, and quite brilliant if james did say so himself. It had taken the better part of the week to finally decide on the right prank and master it, but the wait was well worth it. Or at least it better be.

The marauders had learned to cast an enchantment spell that made all heavy things really light and all light things really heavy, but only to lucius.

For once james was glad he and lucius had nearly the same exact class schedule.

Right now he and the other marauders were headed down to breakfast. They had cast large letters in the air, right over the ravenclaw table that said "MALFOY SUCKS!". now they would know exactly where he was in order to cast the prank spell on him.

They had agreed that peter and sirius would head to one side of the table, while james went to the other and remus went over to the slytherin table, just in case malfoy hadn't taken the bait, although james didn't think that was very likely.

James was seriously hoping that he would get to be the one to cast the spell. After all, most of this was his plan, though he had to give certain credit to remus as well for actually inventing the spell.

James scoured the heads of the slytherin students, looking for that greasy blond hair. He looked and looked, but didn't see lucius anywhere.

after about five minutes of looking James felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see remus.

"I found him," said remus "the spell has been cast." and he smirked. James smiled back, but he was disappointed he wasn't the one to cast the spell. The two of them weaved back through the crowds to the gryffindor table. Sirius and peter were already there.

Peter was twiddling nervously and sirius was just stuffing his mouth with buttered toast.

James and remus took seats next to them, occasionally glancing at the slytherin table, but not enough to seem suspicious.

James caught lily's eye from where she was sitting with her friend Mary MacDonald. The two were looking over each others homework. James nodded towards where malfoy sat at the slytherin table and lily turned her head to look.

Malfoy didn't try to pick anything up for a few moments, though, and lily turned back to james with a inquisitorial glance. James just pointed back at lucius, though. And it just so happened that as soon as lily looked back over towards him he tried to pick up a piece of toast.

James smiled in amusement when he could barely lift it to his mouth. He had to use both hands and even then could barely keep it up.

Peter was giggling nearly uncontrollably and lily looked back and james and offered a satisfied smile.

The marauders had designed the spell to wear off after around five hours, so at lunch later when it suddenly wore off, they could watch the same effect take place all over again.

James eventually forgot all about eating and just ended up watching poor luci struggle with everything. He couldn't seem to quite figure out the pattern to what would be monumentally heavy and what would not.

He was having so much fun watching, that he was the last marauder to leave the dining hall for class. He was nearly late, but it was worth it because just before he left lucius gave a little too much effort in picking up his book bag and ended up punching himself in the face, which in turn led to him falling backwards right on top of snivellus, who spilled his pumpkin juice all over himself and the fifth year girl next to him. so after sniv ruined her robes with his juice, the fifth year girl punched him in the face, leading him to just fall right back against malfoy, who had only just righted himself after falling the first time. It was quite a humorous chain of events to watch and james was still laughing when he walked into transfiguration class, right on time.


	4. Chapter 4

Lily was a little angry, but not much. James had promised to let her handle things, but it was awfully entertaining watching lucius struggle with everything. It was only first period, so lily hadn't gotten the chance to ask james what exactly he had done yet, but it was still fairly amusing.

Lily put her hand up and said "the great wizard, elamander xavier, when he invented the conjuring spell back in 1621."

Lily was in history of magic right now, one of her favorite classes. And one she was quite good at too. She put forth more effort than she usually did in her classes because she found it so interesting.

"Very good, lily, except it was 16 _31_." lily's cheeks went pink.

"Oh i'm sorry, professor." she exclaimed "that's what i meant."

"It's quite alright, lily." said professor binns, emotionless, as usual. Although lily enjoyed the class quite a bit, it wasn't always easy to pay attention to professor binns teaching. Or to even stay awake, for that matter.

James was hardly paying attention to class. It was potions and malfoy had accidently just thrown his entire cauldron when he tried to move it over. Sirius had lost it laughing and incidentally ended up in more trouble than Malfoy. But what could James say? Malfoy was the favorite.

…

The rest of the day passed with a lot of entertainment about lucius. He eventually figured out the pattern during their last class but, lucky for james, only a few minutes after he figured it out the spell wore off and when he went to pick up his quill he used too much force and his hand swung back and hit a sixth year in the back of the neck as they were walking past. Naturally, chaos ensued. However, this was their ancient runes class and the teacher was a strictly no-nonsense person so the chaos lasted for a total of about fifteen seconds before the sixth year and malfoy were both issued a half hour detention later that night.

Malfoy turned back and looked at james with a snarl. He had also figured out that it was the marauders who had cast the spell on him. Not that it was a very hard thing to figure out. They kind of had a reputation and luci was no stranger to being the test dummy of their newest pranks. This was one of the best, though.

After class ended luci crossed over to James angrily.

"I know you did it, potter." he snarled

"Did what?" james feigned ignorance. He knew it wasn't convincing, but hell it sure was fun.

"You- you- you did something!"

"Can you prove it, malfoy?" james asked with a smirk

"No, but i daresay should i go to a teacher with it they would definitely believe me. It's not like this is a first for you."

"You see, malfoy," james countered standing up and gathering his bag "should you try and turn me in i could also give the teachers some information on some spells you've cast, and i daresay the'd believe me once i told them who you cast it on. After all, i assume that wasn't a first for you."

If this was a cartoon luci's ears would have been overflowing with smoke and his face would have been beet red with anger. Actually, his face was beet red with anger, they were just missing the smoke.

"I'll get you back for this, potter, i swear i will."

"Good that, malfoy," james said and clapped him on the shoulder "you'll certainly have some time to think about it during your detention tonight, anyway." and with a sincere smile james turned on his heel and exited the class, leaving malfoy sputtering behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

A couple weeks had passed since the prank had been pulled on lucius. It was still funny when lily thought about it. And, of course, when she thought about the prank she thought about the marauders, and when she thought about the marauders she thought about James, and when she thought about James she got very, inexplicably happy.

She could hardly keep a smile off her face.

So, as lily was walking back to the dormitory to do her homework and study for end of the year exams the edges of her mouth pulled up. She turned into the hallway where the painting of the fat lady hung at the end. She was just opening her mouth to say the password when

"Hey, evans!"

Lily turned around "yes, potter? You are aware we are going to the same place, you know," she pointed to the portrait "you don't have to yell to catch up with me."

"Yeah but it's more interesting that way. Mix it up a little, make sure don't things get too boring."

"Oh yes, James, because you're just sinfully boring."

"Don't i know it. Just earlier today i asked sirius about the weather." he put on a ridiculous voice "say, pal, have you seen those cumulous clouds, simply marvelous, wouldn't you say?"

Lily laughed "right, now if you don't mind," she turned back to the portrait and opened her mouth to recount the password but before she could get it out James grabbed her arm.

"Hey, hold on a second." a small wave of pleasure washed over lily at the touch

"Why?" she asked

"Because i want to ask you something."

"Any you can't do it in there?"

"I mean, we do already happen to be in the hall, i happen to need to ask you something, why not do it here." he was rambling. It was cute.

"Okay, fine. Go ahead."

"Right. So, as you know the last hogsmeade weekend is approaching," lily nodded "and with it being the end of the term i assume you're growing sick of the company you usually keep-"

"What?" asked lily

"I mean, i'm sure they're great and all but should you be sick of their company i'm always available."

"What?" lily was fairly certain she knew what he was asking but she asked again because watching him flounder around was kind of adorable

"Should you be interested in going to hogsmeade with someone other than your usual company you could always go with me."

"Oh, could i?" asked lily rhetorically

"Yeah, you could."

"We'll see." lily stated with a smirk and then walked through the portrait hole into the common room, leaving james in the hall. She almost said yes before he was even finished, but it was more fun this way.


	6. Chapter 6

"So what'd evans say" asked sirius in the common room later that night. James glanced over to where lily was. Her nose was in a book and she was writing furiously as she read, not even bothering to look at her paper, or when she dipped her quill. Her focus was amazing. James smiled. Seeing lily made him inexplicably happy.

"She said 'we'll see'," james stated, turning back to look at sirius

"'We'll see'?" sirius repeated

"Yeah."

"Oh, she's just yanking your chain. You know she's going to say yes."

"How do i know that?" asked james, his level of confidence in himself not quite as high as sirius' seemed to be.

"Because lily evans has been flirting with you the entire second half of the year."

"She has not." james answered, a little taken aback and a little pleased at the same time. It was true lily had grown increasingly warmer towards him, but all that meant was that she didn't hate him quite as much. It did not mean she had suddenly taken such a liking to him they were now flirting. Did it?

"Please, prongs," sirius dropped his head back in exasperation "half the house is placing bets on when you'll get together. Me and charlotte magda both have five sickles on some time this week." Siruis looked over his shoulder at charlotte and winked. Charlotte smiled back.

"I had one on last week," peter stated rather defeated "i had to give joseph lockett seven sickles."

"Joseph lockett?" james asked "joseph lockett, from hufflepuff?"

Peter nodded

"You see, mate, everyone knows the two of you are meant to be, a match made in heaven, truly star-crossed, etcetera, etcetera."

"Then why didn't she say yes?" james asked. He certainly had experience with girls, just not much experience with the prospect of being turned down.

"Would you listen, she just wants to keep you on edge. You know girls, she probably just doesn't want to look desperate."

James looked over at lily again. She was talking to remus. The two of them had been studying together recently. A smile pulled at his lips. Her hair kept falling in her face as she bent low over the book. Finally, she put the quill in between her teeth and went to tie her hair up. She looked around as she was doing so, taking in the room as sort of a ten second break. Her eyes landed on james and she smiled- well, she smiled as best she could with a quill in her mouth. James smiled back and lily turned to her book once more. Remus tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at his own book. James saw lily's shoulders shake in laughter. His smile widened.


	7. Chapter 7

It was the day of the hogsmeade trip. James was standing by the door in the foyer. He had told the others to go ahead without him, still holding out hope that lily would meet him here. He could always catch up with them if she didn't show, of course if she didn't show he would probably be to crushed and wouldn't go on the trip at all. Or just go hide in the shrieking shack. He was still lost in thought about which bridge he was going to jump off of when

"Guess who," suddenly all thoughts of bridges disappeared.

"Sasha from marketing." James pulled lily's hands off his face and turned around. He was caught momentarily breathless by her smile.

"Where's the gang?"

"The gang?"

"You know what i mean, the usual suspects, sirius, remus, peter."

"Well seeing as i asked you to come with me i told them we'd catch up with them later. Maybe." he gave a little smirk with the last word and lily smiled back. Her face also took on a slight tint of red, but that could've been because they stepped outside and were hit by a gust of cold air.

The two of them walked side by side to hogsmeade, brushing into each other because they were walking so close.

…[]...

Lily and james were walking to hogsmeade together. This was… interesting. Lily had been hoping he'd ask her out for weeks and now he had.

They arrived in the midst of the hustle and bustle of shops and people and started to slow.

"So," james started

"So," lily prompted

"Where do you want to go?" james asked

"You're the one who asked me here and now i have to decide where to go, good grief."

"Well, since i asked you here i did my part so i guess the whole where to go problem does fall to you." lily was struck with a ridiculous thought and began laughing heavily as james finished his thought

"What?" james asked

"We could go to madam puddifoot's." lily managed to get out in the midst of her laughter. James stared for a minute before also breaking out laughing.

"God, could you imagine?" lily said when they both had finished their laughing fit.

"Now that we're done with that," james said with one last chuckle "where do we actually want to go?"

"The three broomsticks?" lily suggested

"Sure."

So they walked to the three broomsticks together. As soon as they walked in the door lily was hit by the heat of the fire.

"Merlin, that feels good." lily sighed

"No kidding." james agreed taking off his jacket.

"See an open booth… anywhere?" lily asked. With the cold it was packed.

"No… but there's a table over there. There's only one chair but we can make it work." lily's face tinted red again

"Well considering i chose the place i suppose it's your turn to buy the drinks."

"You planned this." james said and lily laughed

"You asked me."

"Yeah but somehow, somehow you planned this out so i would have to buy the drinks."

"Yes, i'm a devious mastermind like that." lily agreed

"Fine. i suppose i'll be the gentleman here and buy the drinks." he leaned in close "butterbeer or firewhiskey?"

"Well," lily leaned in even closer "considering we're sixteen, take a guess."

"Firewhiskey it is." james smirked and hurried away before lily could argue. Instead she just shook her head and went to figure out the chair situation.

"Excuse me?" lily went up to a rowdy table. It wouldn't have been her first choice but they had two extra chairs so what could she do.

"Excuse me!" lily repeated. They hadn't heard her the first time.

"Huh?" one of them answered and turned around. He eyed lily up and down before smiling and leaning forward "what can i do for you?" good grief.

"Are you using this chair?" she pointed to the one she was leaning on.

"Yes, we are, but we're not using that one." stated one of the men at the table, pointing the the chair right next to it and then they all rioted. Very drunk.

"Great." lily muttered and picked up the chair and turned around. Of course, only after she turned around did she see the problem with maneuvering through the crowd to her table. With a great deal of effort, her coat hindering her, she lifted the chair level to her face and said excuse me at varying volumes until she reached her table, and set the chair down. Only then did she realize a slytherin girl was in the process of sitting down at it herself. A slytherin girl with dark brown hair and eyes that she could only describe as mean. She was actually quite intimidating, but lily was exasperated with people lately and ready to fight someone, even a slytherin.

"What are you doing?" lily asked

"Sitting down." she answered, finishing the action of doing just that

"No. no you're not sitting down. Get up. Move. go."

"No."

"No? What do you mean 'no'?"

"What do you not speak english?"

"Yes i speak english. I also speak dutch and latin. I _also_ know that this is my table and you have no claim to it." she walked up next to the girl and made shooing gestures with her hands.

"You can't just will me away. I'm not a cat or something." she took a sip of a fresh butterbeer.

"No, you're not a cat, but you are at my table. Move!" one of the guys from the rowdy table made a loud cat noise in her direction and another whistled

"Piss off!" lily yelled in their direction and threw a rude hand gesture in their direction as a follow up. The table rioted but now lily was just fuming at the slytherin sitting at her table.

"Move." she stated with as much authority as she could manage.

"No." the girl stated with infuriating calm, staring straight ahead

"Listen," lily leaned in close "i have been waiting, oh have i been waiting, to go out, on a date, with what just might be the most charming boy to ever walk this planet, finally he asked me and here you are trying to ruin everything. Why are you trying to ruin everything? Why?" she leaned in even closer and the girl stood up, but lily could see she had no intention of leaving.

"I just want to sit down!"

"Hey, what's going on here?" lily whirled around to see james walking towards the table with two glasses and a bottle of firewhiskey.

"Well she wasn't lying." the slytherin girl said, suddenly seductive, and took a few steps towards james. Lily's mouth fell open. She couldn't believe it.

"No, she tends to be pretty reliable." james smiled and walked over to lily, putting an arm around her shoulders "one of the many good things i like about lily evans." at her name the slytherin's face contorted

"Lily evans?" she asked "the mudblood, lily evans?"

"You mean the smartest girl in hogwarts, lily evans? Definitely hotter than you, lily evans?" lily flushed with pleasure. The girl in front of her was bundled, but somehow still showing mass amounts of cleavage and pouting her full red lips, and here was james saying lily was hotter. It obviously wasn't true but it still made her feel good all the same.

"I don't have time for muggles and muggle supporters like you. The girl stated in a huff, whisking her butterbeer off the table and storming away.

"Well that was fun." lily stated, taking one of her hard earned seats.

"I can't believe her." james stated setting the firewhiskey and the glasses down on the table, shaking his head.

"I can." lily said

"I mean, i can believe her, bloody slytherin…" he trailed off. I silence proceeded and lily was starting to shake with a mixture of anger and disbelief and everything else that had happened in the last five minutes.

"So," she stated, leaning forward on the table, trying to act unaffected "are we going to drink the firewhiskey or do you think it's just pretty to look at."

"Of course we're going to drink it," James snapped out of his trance "why would i go off and get something that's just pretty to look at while you're here?"

Lily flushed a third time and took the glass he pushed across the table towards her. She looked down into it, swirling it around a few times before taking a sip. It burned her throat, but in a good way. She smirked at james and took another.


	8. Chapter 8

Lily evans, yes that was her name. Lily evans, and the boy across from her was james potter. James bloody potter, and he was strangely beautiful. The way his eyes matched his hair, the way his lips were always curved in a smile when he looked at her. They way he threw his head back and his whole body shook when he laughed. Like now. Lily didn't even know what he was laughing at but his laugh was so enjoyable and contagious lily was soon losing her breath along with him. She felt so giddy and she didn't know why. Wait, yes she did. The firewhiskey. That's why.

"You- you know, evans," james said as clearly as he could considering the mass amount of firewhiskey that he had just consumed "i think you just might be the most beautiful girl i've ever seen."

Lily laughed again

"Yeah, right." funny. Lily was pretty but she was not super gorgeous or anything, and she definitely wasn't the most beautiful girl anyone had ever seen.

"No, no, i am serious!" james said leaning closer to her, even though the both of them were already less than six inches apart. They weren't in the three broomsticks anymore. They were at what james had called the… laughing house? The giggle.. Crack? The shrieking shack! Yeah. that.

"You're just so pretty," james continued "the way you're hair is just… bright. Like your eyes. You have the prettiest eyes!" he exclaimed "green like… something green." lily burst out laughing again "but not like an ugly green, like pea soup or something, but like a bright, summer grass green… kinda. And your freckles! I love freckles, and i love green eyes, and i love red hair, all of which you have!"

"Well lucky me." lily laughed. James laughed too and lily took in his face again. His own bright eyes and a little scar on the bridge of his nose she had only noticed today. His dark hair that was charmingly unkempt and even with all this lily was still thinking about his lips. She looked at them. The perfect shape. The perfect size… Suddenly lily was struck with an indescribable urge to kiss him. The sober part of her told her it was stupid but the majority of her was drunk so she slowly leaned forward until their lips were almost touching.

"What are you doing?" james asked

"Just… hold still." lily answered and slowly closed the remaining gap between them.

…[]...

James potter had kissed girls before. Many times. He had somewhat of a reputation at one point. All those girls and none of them even came close to the warm lips of lily evans. There was something else about her. Something besides just her lips that made this so enjoyable. It was knowing that he, james potter, was kissing her, lily evans. He was kissing lily evans. The girl he'd had a crush on since their first year at hogwarts. The girl he knew he'd been in love with since he was thirteen. And she was kissing him. James reached up and put a hand on her face. He felt the need to be in as much contact with her as he could at one time but this was no ordinary girl and he didn't want to move to suddenly and scare her. He had been waiting to long for this. And, merlin, was it worth it.


	9. Chapter 9

That was a bad idea. Lily's head was throbbing. The amount of firewhiskey she had consumed the night before was a horrible mistake. The again, it had led to kissing James Potter, so it wasn't all bad. What was bad was that she was spending a sunday where she should have been studying for finals sitting on the bed in her dorm drowning in one of her dad's old tee shirts. There was a glass of water on the bedside table that she kept forcing herself to take small sips of. It wasn't helping. She had gone through her trunk to find an old bottle of aspirin. However long she stayed in the wizarding world she still resorted to muggle medications. There was just something comforting in how used to them she was.

She groaned and put her head in her hands, slowly rubbing her eyes. Part of her wondered if the hangover would ever wear off. It certainly didn't feel like it. She groaned again. She had to use the bathroom but she knew every step to get there would send her head pounding. Oh well. She slowly slid of the side of the bed- trying to step as gently as humanly possible and her head still throbbed harder in retaliation.

Lily evans stepped out of the bathroom, ready to crawl in bed again and maybe nibble on some of the chocolate she kept stashed in the bottom of her trunk. However, when she emerged james bloody potter was sitting on her bed. She groaned for the umpteenth time. Not because she didn't want to see him, that wasn't it. It was just because he would undoubtedly talk at some point and that would be loud and loud things made her head hurt. Ugh. sure enough

"Not feeling so good, evans?" james asked rhetorically. He said it quietly but he might as well have been yelling.

"Not especially." she answered climbing onto her bed next to him and automatically putting her head on his shoulder. She didn't even realize she had done it until after the fact. "How come you don't feel this bad?" she asked him, only slightly annoyed.

"Not my first hangover, love," he answered and a slight hint of pleasure rolled down lily's spine when he called her love "although, trust me, i don't feel too marvelous either."

"You shouldn't know what a hangover even feels like. You're sixteen." lily pointed out

"Well spotted," james chuckled "but i'm afraid not all of us can be as law abiding and studious as the great lily evans. besides, now you know what a hangover feels like and _you're_ sixteen."

"yeah but it's different." she protested

"how so?" he laughed

"because this is my first one. i'm not an expert like you and your little posse."

"posse?" james asked again and lily could hear the smile in his voice

"whatever you four refer to yourselves as these days. whatever it is it's probably closer to 'the most fantasic people to walk the earth' or something like that, being the vain gits that you are."

"vain gits, huh?" james asked "i mean, i can't say i don't appreciate your group name. it is fairly accurate, after all."

"of course it is." lily chuckled "Hold on a second," she finally realized "how are you even up here? These are the girls dormitories."

"I have my ways." was his only answer

"Of course you do." lily said to herself more than him. James potter, the one you could always count on to get around rules.

"Well i just wouldn't be james potter if i didn't, now would i?" he asked. And he was right. He wouldn't.


	10. Chapter 10

James was sitting at the great hall later that day, or rather, night, he supposed. He had sat on lily's bed with her for over an hour, the two of them just talking in soft voices. Talking about them, their families, their childhoods. James had learned more about lily today than the rest of sixth year combined. He had frozen up when lily put her head on his shoulder so thoughtlessly, and eventually he started stroking the long red hair he loved so much. He regretted it when he had to go, but he had quidditch practice and no hangover was going to stop him from that. The power of lily evans, however had almost been enough to make him cancel it. He had been pining after this girl since their very first week at school and he had finally gotten her. He doubted anything else would ever feel so good. No. he knew nothing else would ever feel so good. Nothing would ever be as good as her soft, honey-smelling hair on his shoulder. He had never really liked honey much, until he came to hogwarts. He didn't really put together his sudden taking to it in connection with lily evans until third year.

Nothing would ever be as good as the sweetness of her voice when she laughed with him. It rang like music and james could never wait to hear more.

Nothing would ever be as would as seeing her face when she smiled. The freckles that scrunched up on her nose and the dimple she had on the right side of her face because that was the side she smirked on. She hated her smile because she said it was uneven and made her teeth look crooked, but james thought it made her even more radiant than she was without it.

Nothing would ever be so good as when, after all these years of waiting, her lips had finally found his. Her lips had been slightly chapped and uneven, because of the way she always picked at them when she was nervous or thinking, but even so james doubted he would ever love another pair of lips as much as he loved hers.

And there she was. Walking into the great hall, her friend marlene standing by her side laughing at something lily was shaking her head at. Marlene was a bubbly, crazy sort of girl, not in the way that she got into a lot of trouble, just in the way that her personality could hardly ever be tamed. Even with marlene's wild yellow hair and commanding features james hardly noticed her next to lily. Lily's hair was tied back in a ponytail and he knew she wasn't wearing any makeup because he could easily see all her freckles. He knew it wasn't really like guys to notice things like that, but if lily evans did it he noticed.

She sat down at the opposite side of the table, a few chairs down. She smiled up at him from where she was before pulling a book out of her bag and leaning into the story as she ate. It wasn't school work, james could tell as much. He had learned that lily had very different expressions on her face when she read for pleasure, rather than necessity. When she read school work her face immediately took on a look of concentration that came with a furrowed brow and pursed lips. When she read for fun her eyes lit up impossibly bright and a slight smile was on her face the whole time. James relished both expressions.

"Quite done staring at your girlfriend, mate?" he heard sirius ask from the seat next to him. He stole one last glance before turning around to face his friends.

"I just can't believe she actually went out with me." he said for what must have been the tenth time. Sirius sighed.

"We know. the majestic james potter finally lands the girl of his dreams and all is well in potterland." james shook his head at the comment.

"Well," he started, wanting to be saved from extended mocking "how's everything in siriusville? Any girls catch your eye lately?" it wasn't so much of a question of _if_ one had, just which one had this week in particular.

"He's trying to get hestia jones to go out with him." muttered remus, his own nose in a book, mirroring lily down the table.

"Makes sense." james said, nodding. Hestia jones was another friend of lily's, a dorm mate more than a friend, but they got along just fine all the same. Hestia jones was probably what most people would think of as the perfect girl. She was a bit taller than average height, curvy, with long black hair. She had a crazy, adventurous spirit and could be found in detention almost as many times as the marauders themselves. She liked adventure and stealing broomsticks from the quidditch supply closet. Yet, through all of this she managed to keep a B+ grade average. She was very smart and witty and james had gotten in a few verbal sparring matches with her for fun. He won some, she would win others. Yes, it made perfect sense for sirius to be drawn to hestia jones.

Just then, he spotted her breaking away from a seventh year boy at the hufflepuff table. He seemed to be out of breath and her lipstick was smeared. It was quite obvious what they had just been doing.

"Good luck with that, padfoot." james clapped sirius on the back.

"I'll get her, just you wait and see." sirius answered smugly, grinning and shoving a forkful of brisket into his mouth. James just shook his head.


	11. Chapter 11

"Can i tell you a secret?" james murmured to lily. They were sitting on the couch in the common room. James was fiddling with a snitch and lily was studying. She had tried to convince him to study with her, but gave up quickly, realizing it was a lost cause. James did study, he just studied the bare minimum.

"Hmm?" she murmured back, still as involved in her studying as ever.

"Sirius is trying to land hestia jones."

"That's nice, but how is that a secret. Sirius has gone through three girls in the last week." lily reached over to her parchment on the table and scribbled something in a sloppy script. James loved how sloppy her handwriting was when she wasn't trying. Perfect, proper lily evans had bad handwriting.

"It's not, but people tend to pay more attention to something when you tell them it's a secret."

"That's nice, dear." lily said ironically, flipping to the next page in her ridiculously thick textbook.

"Lily,"

"Hmm?"

James hooked a thumb under her chin and brought her mouth to his. He would never get over how amazing it was that he was actually kissing lily evans.

"James," she complained breaking away "i have to study."

"No, you have to kiss me."

She broke away again, pushing on his chest

" _No_ i have to study. Which, by the way you should also really be doing."

"Evans, we've already been over this. I study only when i absolutely have to."

"Which i think is incredibly stupid." she rolled her eyes and returned to her books.

Only minutes later james couldn't resist and had to pull lily in for one more kiss.

"Lily, darling."

"Hmm?" lily broke away from james, putting a hand to her mouth and looking towards the source of her name. Hestia jones stood in front of her

"Lily, could i speak with you for a moment."

"Can we do it later? I'm studying."

"Oh yes, i can see that." hestia gestured to lily's arm still draped over james' neck "can i just speak with you for a moment?" lily sighed

"Alright, i suppose so." lily stood up and followed hestia halfway across the common room before turning her head back around

"Watching me walk away, potter?" she smirked

"The view is quite nice." he smirked back

"If you're quite done?" hestia interjected

"Sorry." lily smiled guiltily and followed hestia over to two big armchairs on the other side of the common room

"So?" lily asked "what's the deal?" hestia got a girlish look on her face and smiled

"I snogged sirius." she stared at lily's black expression for a few seconds "why aren't you surprised?"

"Hestia," lily said slowly "everybody's snogged sirius."

"Have you?" hestia asked rhetorically

"No, but i snogged james, which is pretty close."

"Oh yeah!" hestia exclaimed "how's everything going with you two? Who would've thought you would actually end up together."

"Well that's what i used to think but ever since the beginning of the year he's just been so… not james. You know? I mean, he obviously is James, but he's not mean james, he's… wonderful." hestia clapped her hands in front of her

"That's so cute!" she exclaimed

"Is that it, then?" lily asked, laughing.

"I suppose so." hestia sighed

"Alright then," lily stood up and walked back over to james. She plopped back down on the couch. He put his arm around her shoulder and she put her head on his shoulder. It just felt so natural to be with him. Like hestia said, who would've thought.

"What was all that about?" james asked

"Hestia snogged sirius."

"Already?" he sounded mildly surprised, but not really

"Oh, yes. Hestia has had a crush on sirius since third year."

"Really?" he sounded slightly more surprised this time "rebellious, no-man-can-tell-me-what-to-do hestia jones has had a crush on sirius black for three years?"

"Oh yes, it's border line stalking, actually." james chuckled

"So," he asked "anyone you fancied for an extended period of time?"

"Oh, why, now that you mention it, i had quite the crush on gordon macavoy for the _looongest_ time." she looked up at james

"Gordon? Gordon? No handsome quidditch players?"

"Gordon is a handsome quidditch player!" lily countered

"Please," james laughed "you can't honestly call what gordon does on the quidditch pitch _playing_?" lily laughed too. It was true. He was horrible.

"Not jealous, are you, potter?"

"Please. Why would i be jealous, love? I have you and he doesn't." lily smiled and put her head on his shoulder again.


	12. Chapter 12

It was the night after exams and lily was exhausted. All the same, she could hear the noise all the way up the stairs and down the hallway on her way to the gryffindor common room. She knew there was a massive party going on, just like every year. Nobody knew how to party like the gryffindor. Except, strangely enough, normally a dozen or so hufflepuffs showed up with such partying spirits the lower year students were always shocked. It was typical to expect the hufflepuff to be quiet and peaceful, when in fact they were anything but. Lily was a prefect, so she could put a stop to all the partying if she really wanted to but as long as nobody got hurt and real destruction wasn't done to the room itself she really didn't care. It was kind of a nice tradition anyway. She had been hiding out in the library for the last couple hours not really doing much of anything. She had taken out a book for pleasure reading to try and relax but she was so tired she ended up just staring at the same page for twenty minutes before she could finally move on to the next one, not really grasping anything she was reading.

Lily took a deep breath as she stood in front of the portrait of the fat lady. She sighed and uttered the password, readying herself for the state she was sure the common room would be in. sure enough, as soon as the portrait hole opened assaulting variants of the color red greeted her, some yellow thrown in from the hufflepuffs. Various games of exploding snap were blowing up all around her from the younger students and occasionally she would hear someone yell "shots!" before the sound of many shot glasses all slamming onto the table at once that immediately followed.

"Evans!" she was greeted by a surprisingly sober james, who took her hand and helped her through the portrait hole.

"Potter! You're not drunk yet!" she exclaimed

"No, no," he shook his head "i waited for you on that one."

"How kind of you." she commented

"Well, i'm nothing if not a gentleman." he said with that charming smirk of his that still sent her swooning

"Ah yes, because the reputation of james potter states first and foremost that he is a gentleman." she teased

"Does it not? I shall have to fix it then shan't i?" he threw an arm around her "Come! Eat, drink, be merry! And remember, the eating part is very important or else the hangover will be all the worse"

"Ah yes, with the thought of hangovers in mind i believe i'll pass."

"Evans!" he exclaimed, in mock horror "these are our days to be young and free! Don't you want to be young and free?"

"I want to wake up tomorrow without a splitting headache, if it is all the same to you."

"Ah, but it isn't!"

"Don't you have friends to get drunk with?" she scanned the room "see! Right over there remus and sirius and peter are waiting for you."

"Yes but remus and sirius and peter don't kiss me when they're drunk." he stated. Lily smirked

"I bet they would if you asked." just then, sirius walked up, a bottle of firewhiskey in hand

"Oi!" james said on a fluke "kiss me!"

"Why, james, i thought you'd never ask!" and to lily's great surprise sirius actually grabbed james's face and planted a very quick, but very real, nonetheless, kiss on his mouth. Lily squealed and cat whistles went up around the room. Sirius ran off to remus and peter again and james turned to lily, slightly flustered.

"I have to admit, i didn't think he would actually kiss me." lily laughed.

" _He_ definitely didn't wait for me to get drunk." she agreed, still laughing.

"Come, come." james insisted, pulling her further into the party. She tried to protest, but it was no use. Lily was pulled in. she was now in the midst of dancing and cheering and exploding snap and, to her surprise, she loved it.


	13. Chapter 13

Lily was sitting next to james on the hogwarts express, heading back to kings cross station. It made her sad to be leaving all the people around her, even if it was for just a summer. Remus and peter were in the middle of a game of wizard's chess. Remus was obviously going easy on peter. Sirius, lily, and james were just talking about their year and the ups and downs of it all. Lily had tried to ask them about their exam results but they had simply booed her until she held up her hands in defeat and moved on to another subject.

"So," lily asked "last i heard you and hestia were still together?"

"Oh yeah.." sirius scratched the back of his head "we are, actually, the opposite of together. We broke up yesterday." lily rolled her eyes. She hadn't expected them to last, not in the least, but part of her still felt bad for hestia. Hestia also knew there was no hope for her to be in a lasting relationship with sirius black, but she had a crush on him for so long lily could hardly blame her for going out with him.

"So, red," siruis began, calling lily by the astoundingly clever nickname he had given her "what are your plans for the summer?"

"Not much." she admitted. Her summers were usually pretty boring "i'll probably just sit around the house. Maybe i'll do some reading." james and sirius groaned but remus asked

"What books?"

"The bell jar, maybe to kill a mockingbird." remus nodded

"I read that one last year, it was pretty good." sirius groaned loudly "nothing interesting planned? Nothing at all?"

"Well, i hear my lovely sister has a boyfriend. Can't wait to meet him." she said, her words dripping with sarcasm "I have no idea who would be boring enough to go out with tun- petunia. I guess i'll see."

"Anything from the trolley, dears?" came the call of the elderly woman pushing the cart "anything from the trolley?" she stopped in front of their compartment. Lily stood.

"four pumpkin pastries and a sugar quill, please." she pulled a couple sickles from her pocket and handed to the woman, who continued walking through the train car. "Anything from the trolley, dears?" she asked at the next compartment as lily reclaimed her seat next to james. She unwrapped her own sugar quill, before tossing a pumpkin pastry to each of the marauders.

"You know," sirius teased "i really prefer licorice wands." he frowned

"Feel free to give it back then." lily replied, sticking out her hand

"No, it's fine." sirius scrambled to unwrap it and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth "see?" he said, barely audible through the pastry. Lily just shook her head.

"Checkmate!" exclaimed peter happily "i beat you, moony!"

"Hate to break it to you," remus said quietly "but there's a pawn in your way. Your bishop can't actually get to my king."

"Aw, me." peter grumbled. James laughed

"What did you just say, peter?"

"Well," peter turned red "you know. Instead of saying aw _rats_ because," he gave a cautious look to lily "you know." lily pretended not to know what he was talking about, even though she had known the marauders were animagi for pretty much the entire year. She had figured out that remus was a werewolf in third year. It was quite sweet, really, that they became animagi so they could be with him on the full moon. although she would never tell them that.

"Checkmate." remus said with a grin at peter and peter groaned loudly.

The rest of the trip passed much too quickly. Lily wished it would slow down. She didn't want to be apart from them for the whole summer. She would miss all of them. Sirius's teasing, the way james absentmindedly played with her hair, peter's snorting laugh, and the way remus managed to keep them under control, pulling antics of his own when you least suspected him. Lily smiled sadly. Before she knew it the train slowed to a stop. Lily looked out the compartment's window at the station buzzing around them. She collected her trunk and filed off with the other marauders. They said their goodbyes when they got off the train. Lily gave each of them a long hug. When she hugged james she held on longer than she did with the other three.

"I don't want to be apart from you for two whole months." she admitted right before she let go

"Ah, yes, won't you miss my compelling personality and beautiful smile." he winked at her and lily refused to tell him that was exactly what she would miss about him.

"See you in two months, love." he said quietly and leaned down, planting a surprisingly sweet kiss on her lips.

"See you in two months." she agreed when they broke apart and left to find her parents. She spared one last look behind her at the boy she had hated until this year. How things had changed and, Merlin, how she would miss him.


	14. Chapter 14

Lily clambered out of her father's car, going to get her trunk out of the back. Lily's father always tried to get it for her but lily wasn't a huge fan of people helping her with things she could do herself. She ran and got it herself before he could. He came around and shook his head

"Why are you so opposed to making life easier for yourself?" he chuckled

"Why are you so opposed to me doing things for myself?" she countered lightheartedly, lifting the trunk and setting it down on the sidewalk. Not easily, but she liked doing it for some reason. It made her feel independant. It was stupid, but there was no harm in it.

"At least let me get the door for you." he said walking the few feet to the front door and holding it open for her

"Thanks." lily smiled up at him. She closed the back door to the car and began dragging her trunk up the walk. She lifted it up to get it over the step into the house and heaved a sigh as she set it down again, now in the foyer.

"Is that my lily?" she heard her mother yell from across the house. She had an appointment and hadn't been able to come pick her up from king's cross this year.

"No, it's just dad letting strangers into the house again." she yelled back and only a second later her mother appeared around the corner and ran to her.

"I missed you so much!" her mother exclaimed, grasping lily in a firm hug

"Missed you too, mum." lily laughed happily returning the hug. "Where's petunia?" she asked when they broke apart. Lily wasn't surprised petunia wasn't here. She would have more surprised if she was. Petunia had stopped greeting lily when she got home from hogwarts after lily had finished fourth year, stating "i guess this freak stuff of yours really wasn't a phase".

"Oh," her mother waved a hand "off with that boyfriend of hers, i expect. They're coming over for dinner later, i know you're just dying to meet him." she said sarcastically

"Don't worry," her father said "you won't really want to die until you hear him talk about his job."

"George!" her mother exclaimed, hitting him on the arm before turning to lily and saying "he's not kidding, though. You really will want to die." lily laughed again. It felt so good to be home.

"Can i help you with your trunk?" her mother offered. Lily was about to decline but

"Yeah, i guess. I suppose i can't really get it upstairs by myself. It's quite heavy."

"Oh come on!" came the cry from her father. Lily stuck her tongue out at him while she grabbed her side of the trunk and lifted, her mother holding the other. Together they maneuvered carefully up the stairs, only scraping the wall once. The same place they scraped it every year. There was a large black mark on the wall that, frankly, looked horrible but her mother never let her father paint over it.

"It has memories, george! It makes the house looks lived in."

"What memories? The memory of you two always failing to carry lily's belongings up to her room correctly."

"Yes!"

Lily and her mother reached her room, setting the trunk down with a loud _thump_.

"Careful!" her father yelled from downstairs

"Oh, shut it!" her mother yelled back. She ten turned to lily "so. How was hogwarts this year?"

"It was the usual." lily replied "magic, spells, all that nonsense." she was only joking, but she couldn't help but think of petunia when she called it all nonsense.

"Did you get yourself a boyfriend yet?" her mother teased. She asked this question when lily came home every year. She had even asked it when lily came home from her first year. Lily usually rolled her eyes immediately and brushed the question off but her mother read into her delayed response.

"Oh my, you actually do have a boyfriend don't you!"

"Well," lily tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear "something like that."

"Ah! And you didn't write home to tell me! Who is he!"

"Well," lily started "do you remember" this wasn't about to come out well "how i always tell you about those four boys at school."

"The ones that are always causing trouble?" lily's mother asked

"Yeah, those ones. Do you also remember how i told you one of them is always asking me out?"

"The potter boy?"

"Yes again, well… he did and i went and now… we're together."

"Really? The boy you always thought was so annoying? What changed?"

"I don't know." lily admitted, feeling a little silly sitting in her room talking about boys with her mother "he's just… he's not just _the potter boy_ anymore he's… james. He's nice and thoughtful and i really, really like him."

"Oh my goodness, that's adorable." her mother declared "i bet you two look cute together!"

"mum!"


	15. Chapter 15

James potter carried his trunk through the front door of the potter house. It was a very nice house, and each room was full of furnishing just as nice as the house itself, but it was also very big. Four stories, to be exact. James was never a fan of big houses. They always seemed a bit dead. A house should be full of a family, hustling around. It should be full of laughter and loud voices, not empty and quiet.

"James, sweetheart, i'm so sorry but i have to go back to work now." said his mother said from behind him. "With another death eater emerging every time we turn around i've barely been home in weeks. I love you and i'll try to get home as soon as i can." She closed the front door and walked over to the ornate fireplace across the room, her shoes _clacking_ as she went "Oh," she said, grabbing a handful of floo powder off the mantle "and james, dear, please don't scuff up the floor with your trunk. _Ministry of magic_." and with that she disappeared in a large puff of smoke. James shook his head. He hadn't been home since christmas and the last thing his mother said to him was _don't scuff the floor_. He knew his parents couldn't help that they were never home, but it was still annoying. The war was growing larger around them every day and with his parents being aurors and all they were always at work. James didn't blame them for their chosen profession. Not at all. Quite the opposite, actually, James intended to become an auror as soon as he graduated hogwarts, just like his parents. And there was no time better than now to do it.

Voldemort and his followers were killing dozens of muggles and muggleborns every day, hardly batting an eye, while simultaneously being impossible to catch. He had heard about a secret organization that was also trying to put a stop to the death eaters, that was supposedly run by dumbledore himself. _The order of the phoenix._ Personally, it didn't matter to james what he did to stop voldemort, just so long as he did something. He couldn't legally do anything yet, considering he couldn't use magic outside of school and it would be highly unwise to track down and fight a bunch of death eaters, magic free. Even so, all the sitting around and waiting was maddening.

James shook his head and lifted his trunk once more, struggling with taking it to the second floor by himself. If he hit the walls his mother would kill him. He accidently did once, when he was helping his father get the trunk upstairs when he was twelve. There was the tiniest of spots missing a chip of paint on the wall at the top of the stairs. Boy, did he get yelled at that day.

James set his trunk down next to his bed, after taking extra care when getting it through the doorway. He looked around his room. It hadn't changed very much in his lifetime. The bed was against the wall to his right, where it had always been. There was a bookcase on the back wall filled with novels and genealogies he had never read. Dark red curtains with golden tassels hung around the window on the left wall and his dresser was next to the bookcase. The same quidditch posters he'd hung up when he was ten still hugged the walls, the players moving around in a lively motion on the field. Those posters were pretty much the only thing lively in this house. Not even the house elves made many appearances, unless he called for them and he really prefered to prepare meals and wash his clothes himself. It gave him something to do.

Already feeling the usual boredom beginning to seep in, james opened his trunk and began to unpack. He sat down in front of it, following his usual method. Clothes go to his right. Pants in one stack, shirts in another, robes in a third, and undergarments and socks in the last. School supplies went to his left, in whatever stack and order they pleased. James wouldn't be looking at those again until seventh term started anyway. Items he actually deemed as important went in different piles behind him. He pulled items out of his trunk, one after the next, after the next. He stopped and smiled when he came across the firewhiskey bottle. He wasn't in the habit of keeping alcohol containers, but this was the one he had shared with lily evans that night in the shrieking shack the night she had _finally_ kissed him.


	16. Chapter 16

Her parents were right. Lily did want to die. Petunia's boyfriend- _vernon. What kind of a name was vernon anyway?-_ had been talking about the drills he sold for what must have been at least twenty minutes now. Petunia was looking at him with real, genuine interest and her mother and father were nodding politely but when vernon wasn't looking they shared knowing looks with each other. Looks that suggested they had been through far too many dinners listening to vernon talk about his drills. Lily wasn't even bothering to look interested. Honestly she had just been looking at him with such sheer boredom on her face she was surprised petunia hadn't yelled at her for it yet. She honestly couldn't believe someone could be this boring. Her mouth hung slightly open in bored amazement.

"And then he tried to use a left-handed drill bit for a right-handed drill. This, of course, resulted in a big problem with the human resources department. We had to file a formal complaint against our supplier, even though it was clearly just user error. But, that's just the way the business works, you know." he had the kind of voice that made you afraid to cross him and suddenly ready to all at the same time. the boredom on lily's face intensified as he kept talking and this time petunia didn't let it slide

"Lily," she snapped "isn't vernon's job interesting?" it wasn't a real question. She just wanted lily to know that she had noticed her supremely unenthused expression.

"It sure is… something." she agreed with an emphatic nod of the head. Her mother snorted and tried to act innocent when petunia snapped her head around to her.

"Well," petunia said curtly "seeing as none of you seem to care, i think vernon and i will be going." petunia stood up, her chair sliding noisily along the wood floor, and walked out. vernon followed soundlessly. After they heard the door shut lily's father started laughing, trying to muffle it in his hand. Lily's mother turned to lily, trying to look stern but lily could tell she was trying not to laugh as well.

"Lily," she scolded "you should have been nicer to petunia's boyfriend." she couldn't even finish her sentence before the laughter set in.

"Isn't he the worst?" lily's father asked

"George!" her mother said but she herself was still laughing along with him

"Where did she even find him?" lily asked

"I do not know." her father shook his head

…[...[]..]...

James sat alone in his room, wondering how he could endure an entire summer of this. Of course, sirius would visit at some point like he always did, towards the end of the summer, like he always did. But that left almost two whole months james was going to be in this big house all alone. His parents were home sometimes, but they were so exhausted when they were they usually just crashed immediately and continued sleeping until they had to go back to work. And as far as james was aware they hadn't had a day off the entire year. He felt bad for them. He also felt a little neglected but he knew it wasn't their fault so he never held it against them. They provided for him and james knew they loved him, he just wished they had a little more time together.

He kept glancing at the pictures on his bookshelf. There was one of him and the marauders, standing next to each other and laughing carelessly. It was christmas and they were all bundled up against the cold in gryffindor scarves and gloves. It had been taken their third year and james could never help but notice how different they all looked.

He himself simply looked older. His face had filled out and grown more defined and he had definitely gotten taller. Fourth year was his growth spurt. Sirius's most noticeable quality that had changed was the longer his hair had gotten. He had begun growing it out their very first year as a sort of rebellious act, but when he got home that summer his mother cut it all off shorter than ever. Remus stood more hunched than he did now, less confident. Still afraid he would be kicked out. Less scars marred his face, but there were still too many for a thirteen year old to have. Peter stood slightly further back from the others, still not convinced they really liked him. Peter was a bit different than them, yes. He wasn't as tall and he didn't have that signature trait that everyone at hogwarts would immediately recognize him for, but that didn't matter. They were friends all anyway.

The other picture on his bookshelf was one of lily. He took it when she wasn't looking. Immediately after he had it printed she tried to make him give it back, but looking at it now he was definitely glad he didn't. As he looked at it he couldn't help but notice how a picture could never fully do her justice. Her hair was too vibrant to be captured on film, her eyes to alive. A picture could never get all the little freckles on her nose, or get how the dimple on the right side of her face curved. No, she was too beautiful for that.

James heard the front door open. It was either a death eater, or his parents. He hoped for the latter. He pulled his wand out of his pocket and crept slowly out of his room and into the hall. His parents had installed a reflective, one way glass that enabled people to see who had come in the front door. To whoever walked in, it would just look like a mirror. They had figured adding it was a good idea, with then being aurors and everything. From time to time criminals would be after them, vengeful and ready to attack whoever caught them. Risking their escape for revenge.

He peeked at the glass and heaved a large sigh of relief when he saw that it was his father.

"Dad!" he ran down the stairs. Despite never really having the best relationship with his parents that didn't mean he never missed them. James hadn't seen his father in months and he always forgot just how good it was to see him again.

"Hey, james!" his father greeted him, grasping him in a large hug. James felt him wince and he pulled back.

"Dad?" james asked, observing his father and seeing that he was clearly hurt "come sit down." he led him towards the living room

"Yeah, i think that might not be a bad idea." his father winced again. James sat him down on the large couch and went to get him a glass of water. He came back and sat in a chair across from him.

"What happened?" he asked. With his parents being aurors he wasn't unaccustomed to them coming home injured. Even so, it made him anxious every time.

"Just the usual," his father answered, taking his wand out and using charms to try and heal some of the cuts on his body

"Are you sure you're okay? Is there anything i can do?"

"I'll live," his father chuckled "no big deal. But enough about me, how was your sixth year at hogwarts?" leave it to james's father to be injured and hurt and still be focused on other people.

"It was good." he nodded thinking of lily "definitely good."

"And what made your year at hogwarts so good?" his father asked, running his glowing wand over a particularly nasty cut

"Well, you know that girl i told you about?" he started. His father nodded "i got her to go out with me." james smiled broadly

"James," his father leaned forward, suddenly serious, and james's smile faded "what have i told you about the dangers of love potions? It's not real. It doesn't count." james laughed.

"No love potion, dad, i promise."


	17. Chapter 17

Lily had only been home a week and she already missed hogwarts. She missed the castle with all of its twisting, moving staircases and the way you could always see the sky in the great hall. She missed turning a corner and seeing james standing there with that stupid grin on his face.

All she did at home was read and clean and cook. It was nice, but lily liked to keep busy. Keep challenged. Lately more than ever. With the war growing larger around her she just tried to forget there was a target on her back. Leaving the house made her nervous and afraid. She never went anywhere by herself. Especially after what happened with lucius. That wasn't the first time something like that had happened, it was just the most recent.

That was one reason she was such close friends with remus. He understood where she was coming from. He tried to hide his "condition" as best he could, but some people still found out. Even if they didn't know exactly what was happening with him, the fact that he was quiet and covered in scars from head to toe made him a victim enough.

He had never actually told lily, but he knew that she knew. She had figured it out by third year. She had her suspicions first and second, but she didn't want to jump to conclusions. Lily was honestly just amazed how well he handled it. She didn't think she could live like that once a month and still live a somewhat normal life, happy with friends.

"Lily?" her mother knocked on her door

"Yeah?"

Her mother opened the door, putting in an earing.

"Well, don't you look fancy." lily observed. Her mother did indeed look nice. She was wearing a casual dress with her hair pulled back. Considering her usual attire of just jeans a t-shirt and her hair down this was unusual.

"What's the occasion?"

"Well, that's what i came up here to tell you," she finished putting in her other earring and brushed back a stray piece of hair "your father and i are going out tonight. I know you cook pretty much every night so i left you some money on the counter to order in. you'll probably be asleep by the time we get back so i just wanted to say goodnight now." she walked over and gave lily a loud kiss on the forehead.

"Well you kids have fun and don't do anything i wouldn't do." she gave her mother a hug

"No promises." her mother winked at her as she shut the door.

Lily read her book for a few more minutes before sliding off her bed and walking out of her room. She didn't know what she was planning to do but _quidditch through the ages_ suddenly wasn't as interesting the fourth time through. Lily was a big quidditch fan. She knew all the rules, all the famous teams. She could never quite keep up with all the individual players but she at least knew what seekers played for what teams. People always assumed she wasn't a quidditch fan, for whatever reason, but she was never late for a match at hogwarts and she definitely yelled herself hoarse with the rest of them.

It was a massive kick in the arse whenever slytherin won, especially because it inspired them to act even worse than usual. They were even more confident in their poor treatment of pretty much every other house. Not all slytherins were horrible, but most of them lived up to the stereotype.

Lily wandered down to the kitchen in search of the money her mother had left. It was only seven o'clock and she wasn't really hungry yet, but she was bored. She opened the drawer by the fridge where they kept the takeout menus and fanned them out. She hated chinese and she wasn't in the mood for indian food. Guess that left good ol' pizza. She walked over to the dull yellow phone hung on the wall and picked up the receiver. She didn't even need to look at the menu, she knew the number by heart. Her mother always made her call it in.

"Hello, pizza palace, what can we get you?" the person on the other line greeted her

"Hi, can i get one medium pepperoni with extra cheese?"

"Delivery?"

"Yes please."

"What's your address?"

"Is jacob working today?" she asked

"Yes." whoever was on the other line sounded slightly confused as to what that had to do with her address.

"Can you just have him deliver it to lily evans? He knows my address"

"Sure. it'll be about twenty minutes."

"Okay, thanks." lily hung the phone up on the wall with the always satisfying _clack._ Jacob was the delivery boy that always showed up. The pizza palace wasn't exactly the biggest chain and they only had three or four delivery boys anyway. For the last couple years it was pretty much always jacob that brought the pizza. He knew their address like lily knew the phone number.

Lily ran back upstairs and grabbed her book, quickly returning downstairs to sit on the couch and wait for her pizza. She opened the book and just kind of stared at it, not actually comprehending what she read.

After what must have been ten minutes she threw the book down in frustration, not caring enough to actually continue reading. Instead she turned around so she was sitting sideways on the couch and stared at the pictures on the mantle of the fireplace.

There was the usual christmas card picture of the whole family sitting on the front steps of their house wearing ghastly sweaters. It had been taken when both lily and tuney- _petunia_ \- were only four and six. Lily's hair had been curly back then instead of wavy and it stuck up every which way. Her mother had tried to tame it but it was no use. Petunia's hair, however, hung blonde and neat in cute pigtails tied off with bows. Petunia and lily were hugging, wide smiles on both their faces. Back when they had been inseparable.

Next to it was an easter picture, taken years later when lily and petunia were nine and eleven. Lily's hair had calmed since the last picture was taken, and petunia's was exactly the same. In this picture however, the girls stood further apart. Lily's smile remained the same but petunia's was smaller and slightly forced. That was the year lily's magic had demanded her attention. That was the year Petunia had started to grow jealous.

There was another picture from a family vacation to the beach, taken only last year. Lily and petunia stood separated by both their parents. Petunia had refused to stand next to her. Lily's smile was small, she had been afraid being out in public with the war building around her, she just hadn't told her parents. She didn't want them to worry. They still had no idea. Petunia had no smile in the picture, except her reason was only that she was still jealous of her sister who got all the attention.

The doorbell interrupted lily's depressing thoughts and she hurriedly slid off the couch and ran to grab the money off the counter before she went to open the door. She smiled genuinely

"Hey, jacob! Good to see you."

"Oi, Lily! Good to see you too! It's been forever!"

"Yeah it has been," she agreed, handing him the money "how have you been?"

"Oh good, the usual. How's that boarding school of yours?" he handed her the pizza.

"It's school, you know. How's debby?" debby was jacob's girlfriend. They had been going out ever since lily had known jacob.

"Well… we broke up… last month."

"Oh, that sucks! You guys have been together forever. Why did you guys break up? If you don't mind me asking." she added, afraid she had been too insensitive

"It just didn't work out. There was… somebody else."

"For her or for you?" lily didn't want to pry but she was curious

"For me." he answered quietly

"Oh. who? Anyone i know?" he took a pause

"Yeah, actually…"

"Well," she prompted "who is it?"

"...you." lily was caught off guard.

"Me?" she must have heard wrong

"Yeah… i know it's crazy but i've had a crush on you forever, lil," _lil?_ "Why do you think i'm _always_ the one delivering your pizza?"

"Oh. well, i'm sorry you feel that way." _i'm sorry you feel that way? Why did she say that?_

"What, you got a boyfriend or something?" he asked in what must have been an attempt at lightheartedness

"Yeah, actually."

"Well, i can't say i'm surprised."

"You can't?"

"Yeah," he looked down, his face red "i'm surprised you didn't have one sooner. I mean, look at you." lily's face also turned red

"Listen, jacob-"

"I should go." he cut her off "i have more pizzas to deliver."

"Okay, jacob." she tried to give him a smile but he looked so sad. She closed the door and walked into the kitchen, setting her pizza down on the counter. That was something she didn't see coming. All she wanted was pizza and instead she got a confession of love. Bloody hell.


	18. Chapter 18

James potter sat with his father in the family room. His father had mostly healed himself with his wand. He could do it pretty quick. He had a lot of practice, james supposed.

It was odd to think that james himself might be coming home one day to a wife and son beaten up from an attack or raid. If he did in fact want to be an auror than that was bound to happen. If he didn't die. It was a morbid thought, but a very realistic one. There were so many death eaters and voldemort supporters that the aurors these days just couldn't keep up. They were losing more than they could train. They were accepting them into the training programs younger and younger now, too. James was going to sign up as soon as he graduated hogwarts. In fact, he was considering not even finishing his last year at hogwarts and just going straight to the ministry. It wasn't like he wanted to but at this rate he might have to.

James's thoughts were interrupted by his mother appearing in the fireplace in a puff of smoke.

"Monty?" she asked in reference to james's father "are you alright?" she walked over and sat on the couch next to him

"Fine, mia." he gave a reassuring smile. James's father had a way of being resilient like that. He could bounce back from anything. His very presence made you feel warm and safe.

"You're certain?" she questioned once more

"Quite certain, mia." he answered once more with his unfaltering smile.

"Well, alright then. She stood up. Let's have dinner then, shall we?"

James and his father followed her lead into the dining room. James always thought their table looked odd. It was too large to only have four chairs. If the room didn't echo so well you would probably have to yell just to be heard at one end of the table from the other.

James took the seat he always sat at, facing the empty chair across from him. his mother and father took theirs at the ends of the table. Only moments later the food the house elves had prepared appeared in front of them. James usually helped them cook dinner, rather enjoying his time in the kitchen, but tonight he had been too caught up in seeing his father again after his year at hogwarts.

His parents could sometimes be cold towards him and they were hardly ever home, but james still loved them and wanted to spend time with them whenever he could. He couldn't imagine having any other parents.

Sometimes when they were gone for days at a time and james was all alone in the house he thought differently but times like this almost made everything worth it. He smiled as his mother laughed at one of his father's jokes, spooning vegetables onto her plate. They sat together like a normal family, his mother's laugh brightening up the room as only her laugh could.

…[...[]...]...

"Lily," a knock on her door woke her up. She groaned and sat up, her dirty hair tangled and matted in front of her face

"Yeah?" she answered. Or at least she tried. She wasn't entirely sure it had been intelligible. Apparently her mother had distinguished something of the sort from her groan because she opened the door and strode in.

"Lily, why are you still asleep?" she asked, nor angry or rushed, just slightly confused.

"Because i'm tired." lily answered trying to sort out the mess of hair on her head

"It's almost eleven, you never sleep in this late." she was right. Once lily's mind was used to a sleeping schedule it hardly ever strayed from it.

"No, i don't." she agreed "i was up pretty late last night, that must be why." pretty late was a bit of an understatement. It was past three by the time she went to bed. Normally going to bed at eleven or midnight, lily was exhausted. There was a book she was reading that she told herself she was just going to read one chapter of, then had just end up reading the entire thing in one sitting.

"How late is 'pretty late'?" her mother asked. Lily told her reluctantly and her mother just shook her head. "If i had known that," she said "i might have come upstairs to say goodnight to you when your father and i got home. I just assumed you were already asleep."

"Usually a safe assumption." lily agreed

"So, anything interesting happen last night while we were away?"

"Uugh." lily groaned

"'Uugh'?" her mother asked "what does 'uugh' mean?"

"Well," lily started "i ordered pizza last night."

"Yes, i saw the box in the trash."

"And jacob delivered it like normal," her mother nodded along "and confessed his undying love for me." she face planted into her pillow, thinking the situation was so ridiculous that it seemed like some crazy dream

"What?" her mother asked, slightly shocked, slightly amused.

"You heard me." lily mumbled into her pillow

"Are we going to get discounts now?"

" _mum_."


	19. Chapter 19

James went to bed that night feeling warm inside. The way he always felt after spending time with his parents. The way his father could turn almost anything into a magnificent joke and the way his mother's laugh lit up the room like a flame. He always felt much better after being able to see them and talk with them. He smiled and pulled the covers up a little higher. He was just beginning to drift off when he heard a knocking. He sat up and grabbed for his glasses on his night stand. He pushed them up his nose and squinted around the dark room. The knocking continued. James turned around his room, realizing the knocking was coming from his window.

He walked over and was only somewhat surprised to see sirius there, standing on the ledge outside his window holding his broom and a duffle bag. He pushed the window open and stepped aside for sirius to come in. when one was friends with sirius one had to expect odd things to happen.

"What are you doing here, mate?" he asked. It was wonderful to see sirius but if he was here unannounced, knowing his family, something was probably wrong. He wished he was more surprised to see tears beginning to shine in sirius's eyes.

"Can i stay here, prongs?" he asked breathily

"Of course," he nodded "Do you wanna talk about… why?" he asked cautiously. Sometimes sirius was in the mood to vent about the stuck up pricks his family was full of and sometimes he rather preferred to pretend they didn't exist. Assuming all this was about his family, after all.

Sirius sat on the edge of james's bed and put his face down in his hands. James sat down next to him. Sirius gave a depressed chuckle and rubbed his eyes

"They've really done it this time, prongs."

"What?" james prompted

"Kicked me out. Not that i wouldn't have left anyway." he quickly added. Once again, james wished he was more surprised. He felt bad, of course, but it wasn't exactly shocking news. The black family had been threatening to disown sirius for years now, and they weren't exactly the kind to make idle threats. he knew it was just a matter of time.

"It was just a normal family dinner," he slowly brought his head up from his hands and stared at the wall opposite james's bed "horrible, insufferable, and my mother said something bigoted and offensive. Which, of course, sparked a fight between us." sirius looked at james with such an unbearable sadness on his face that james considered going right over to grimmauld place and having a little chat with the blacks himself

"Reg is a death eater, prongs. I knew it was coming. I knew he would but-" he rubbed his face again "i just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to get out of there and they wanted me out. They didn't even let me gather my stuff. That's all i could grab." he inclined his head to the small duffle by the window that james assumed held probably only clothes.

"Listen, mate, i don't care what your family said. You can stay here as long as you like." he clapped him on the back and sirius offered him a small smile.

…[...[]...]...

James rolled over on the floor, his feet all tangled up in a quilt. He and sirius had sat up late talking and just fell asleep on the floor, buried in one of his grandmother's old knitting works. James slowly sat up and felt around for his glasses. He hadn't taken them off before he went to sleep and they could be just about anywhere at this point. His fingers finally grasped them beginning to edge their way under his bed. Merlin, he would have never found them if they were all the way under there.

He slid them on and stood all the way up, trying not to wake sirius. By the way the sky looked out the window it was probably just about six AM. definitely not the time sirius prefered to get up. He carefully opened the door and slipped out, making his way down the stairs and into the kitchens where he was greeted with a small chorus of "hello, mister potter!" and "good morning, sir!" from the house elves. There were about five of them. More than the typical household, but the potters liked employing house elves because in most places they were treated horribly. Three of the house elves had been acquired in james's lifetime, the other two belonged to his parents from their families. The other two were very old.

"Goodmorning." he smiled back at them weakly, still thinking about sirius

"Is something the matter, sir?" asked the youngest house elf they had; lebby. James simply shook his head and walked over to the refrigerator, pulling out ingredients for breakfast.

About an hour later james sat at the kitchen table alone, portions of eggs, bacon, sausage and fruit spread in front of him. He piled the food on his plate waiting for someone else to wake up.

Only a few minutes later sirius came wandering down the the kitchen, pulling his long hair back into a bun on the back of his head. He sat down wordlessly next to james, quieter than james had seen him in a long time. He quietly took portions of sausage and eggs, but didn't do much more than move them around his plate. James was trying to think of what to say to him when his father bustled into the room, fastening a tie. His mother wasn't far behind. She hopped in pulling on a shoe.

"Thanks for breakfast dear." she gave him a kiss on the top of his head and james's hands automatically went to his hair, messing up what she had momentarily flattened.

"Hello, sirius, dear." she greeted and grabbed a container from one of the kitchen shelves. James's father turned around, apparently having not seen sirius there in his rush

"Oh, yes, hello, when did you get in?"

"Late last night." sirius answered, still staring down at his breakfast.

"Well it's lovely to see you." james's mother gave him a small hug from behind before filling the container with assortments of the breakfast. And with that she hustled out of the room yelling something james couldn't quite hear.

"See you later, boys." james's father exited behind his mother and he heard him yell " _ministry of magic_ " before he left in a puff of smoke.


	20. Chapter 20

A few weeks passed and summer for lily evans remained as uneventful as it always did. She read books and lounged around the house, although there was far less pizza in her life than there normally was. She had called once, thinking it couldn't possibly be as awkward as she imagined it. She was right. It was worse.

Right now lily was laying across the couch in an extremely odd position that consisted of her head hanging off the couch, one leg out straight in front of her and the other hung over the back. She had a book extended in front of her face, trying to read upside down because it was simply more comfortable this way. It hurt her arms but it was comfortable otherwise so it was a bit of a give and take situation. After a while her eyes went fuzzy and she dropped her book, sighing in boredom, then groaning when she realized she had lost her page number.

"Lily," she heard her mother call

"Yes, mother dearest?" she answered

"Where are you?" came her mother's voice from the dining room

"Living room!" she yelled back

"Where?" her voice was getting closer

"Here!" she waved her foot wildly

"Oh! Good grief, you're weird." her mother muttered

"Love you too." lily joked rolling off the couch

"There was something i had to tell you…" she fiddled idly with her apron "oh! Your sister and vernon are coming back over for dinner tonight."

" _Why_?" she groaned

"Because he's my boyfriend." came a piercing voice from the other side of the living room

"Hey, petunia." lily turned with a fake smile

"Hey, freak." petunia said curtly before walking right past her and out the back door

"Quite the catch isn't she?" lily asked her mother rhetorically

"Oh, be nice." she replied, but lily could tell she didn't really mean it. Her mother realized just as much as she did how much of a pain petunia could be.

"Anywho," her mother continued in a singsong voice "i'm making lasagna tonight and i was wondering if you wanted to make the salad. You cut the cucumbers better than i do."

"Ah yes, the most sought after talent a girl can have."

…[...[]...]...

A couple hours later lily stood in the kitchen, chopping cucumbers as only she could do. Apparently. Lily's mother was taking the lasagna out of the oven and humming along to the radio. It was a boxy thing that her mother kept on a stool by the window. It was on almost all the time at a low volume, but her mother turned it up when she was cooking or cleaning. Lily had grown so accustomed to it that sometimes when she was at hogwarts, alone in her dorm or in the library she expected to hear it playing.

She finished the salad and begun setting the table. Not long after, to her dismay, vernon and petunia arrived. The dinner was quiet and, except for vernon's loud opinionated talk about everything from the 'ridiculously absurd clothes' people were wearing to current politics. One thing was always the same, though. Whatever he was talking about it was always negative. Finally petunia cleared her throat and he stopped.

"Mum, dad," she started "vernon and i have something to tell you." Lily was slightly offended she wasn't included in the target audience, but she was used to it so she simply stabbed another piece of lettuce with her fork and stuffed it in her mouth.

"We're engaged."

Lily stopped chewing. Blank stares were all around the table. Her sister was getting married to this great whale of a man sitting across from her, this negative, horrible walking encyclopedia of drill bit knowledge.

"I'm glad you're getting married, petunia." her mother said forcing a smile. Lily couldn't tell how she felt about this all, if she was glad or disappointed, she just looked shocked.

"Yes, congratulations." her father agreed

Petunia turned her scrutinizing stare to lily, who only then remembered she had salad in her mouth. She swallowed it and opened her mouth to reply but nothing came out.

"I see." petunia snapped and lily actually felt bad for a moment. Petunia stood up and left quickly, not bothering to shut the door behind her. Vernon mumbled something and followed her immediately. Lily groaned and let her head fall to the table.


	21. Chapter 21

At this point in the summer james was usually able to say that it had passed rather uneventfully, but that was because sirius wasn't usually here yet. This summer had been… one to remember to say the least. His parents had been home less than usual because of the war, which wasn't great, but it was definitely understandable. Now sirius and james were just waiting for their hogwarts letters. They had talked about not going and just joining the war effort against voldemort, but the most effective way to do that was to become an aurors, and you couldn't become aurors without N.E.W.T.S. so today they sat at the kitchen table eating the breakfast they had helped the house elves prepare and waiting for their hogwarts letters to arrive. They were planning a trip to get their materials tomorrow and meet up with remus and peter in diagon alley.

Sirius and james had already decided that if remus wasn't head boy they would but the biggest, most expensive ice cream sundae they could find. It was kind of a win-win situation. Even though the both of them were one hundred percent sure he would be. As was every other gryffindor they had talked to.

"So," sirius prompted, his word obstructed by the large piece of biscuit in his mouth "who do you think will be head girl?" james's mind immediately snapped to lily but he wasn't sure if he was biased or not so he just shrugged.

"You think it's gonna be lily don't you?" sirius read his mind.

"I mean, you don't?" james asked trying not to be that bloke always talking about his girlfriend. According to sirius he did that enough already.

"There's quite a good chance. Quite the academic poster child, that one. I'm surprised she didn't rub off on you, mate."

"It's not as if i'm failing. You're so dramatic. My grades are rather good, if i don't say so myself." sirius made a haughty motion with his right hand before stabbing part of his omlette with the fork in his left.

Just then a large barn owl flew in through the kitchen window, large parchments grasped in its talons. it landed gracefully on the table, somehow avoiding all dishes and food, releasing the letters as he did so. James and sirius reached for them.

"mate, this one's yours," sirius said trading envelopes with james. "Oi, why's yours bigger than mine?"

"That's what she said." the comment was only greeted by a groan and the sound of a ripping envelope.

"I dunno." he finally answered seriously before grabbing a clean butter knife off the table and opening his own letter with it. He merely skimmed it like always but his eyes slowed when he saw the words "congratulations, Mr. Potter" his eyes widened as he took in the rest of the text. He shook his envelope upside down and sure enough a shiny little badge fell out. He picked it up carefully. This had to be a mistake. He looked at the letter again, but sure enough it said "Mr. Potter" not Mr. lupin or some other much more deserving bloke.

"What's that?" sirius asked reaching across the table and grabbing the badge "no. no way. you're head boy?" he asked incredulously.

"Suppose so."

"Remus must be so confused." he probably was. Remus wasn't big headed or vain in the least but pretty much anyone who had ever come in contact with him assumed he would be head boy. James included. Why would anyone in their right mind make james head boy? Did they even know him? James potter the trouble maker. James potter who had an assigned desk in detention. He was admittedly a pretty great quidditch player- and team captain- but he somehow got the feeling that was beside the point.

….[...[]...]...

"Hey!" james greeted remus and peter in diagon alley. he hugged peter and sirius hugged remus. It was good to see them after that long summer.

"So…" james started a bit awkwardly "sorry you're not head boy."

"It's fine," he brushed it off "wait, how do you even know that?"

"Well, our boy here," sirius said slinging an arm around remus "our james has stepped up to the plate and by either a severe lapse in judgement or an even more severe clerical error he was made head boy. Will it end in disaster? Probably. But he did it."

"I do not know what to say." peter said, sounding stunned

"I do appreciate your faith in me." james clapped a hand over his heart "so much."

"Sorry," peter shook his head "i just did _not_ see that coming."

"Well neither did i." james agreed putting his arm around peter mimicking sirius and remus

"Come on, marauders. Let's go buy some bloody school supplies."


	22. Chapter 22

Lily evans walked into kings cross station nervous and excited and sad all at the same time. Nervous because walking into kings cross station always made her nervous and she was never quite sure why. Excited because hogwarts was her favorite place in the world and after that summer that seemed to take forever she was finally going back. Sad because this was the last time she would walk into kings cross station with the intent of going to hogwarts. It seemed like forever ago and yesterday at the same time that she first walked through that large arch. But sadly, we all had to grow up sometime.

"Bye, mum. Bye, dad." she turned and gave them both a long lasting hug "i'll see you in june."

"Goodbye my lily." her mother kissed her on the cheek

"I'll miss you." her father gave her one more hug before she grabbed the cart with her trunk and walked onto platform nine and three-quarters.

There was an empty space on her cart where the cage for her owl used to be. It had died last summer and she didn't see the point of getting a new one when hogwarts had an owlery.

As she passed through the brick wall she thought how the platform never ceased to amaze her in its stark contrast to its muggle counterparts. Before she walked through the wall she saw muggles in suits with briefcases and small children with jump ropes and dolls in their hands, but as she walked through onto the platform she was engulfed by tall pointed hats and bright colored robes. She made her way to the train, looking around her for any familiar faces. She saw a few and waved at them, happy to be back on her way to her home away from home.

Lily walked onto the hustle and bustle of the hogwarts express, making her way to the compartment for the prefects and the head boy and head girl. She knew where it was because of her former prefect status. She walked through the doors expecting to see remus sitting there in his usual sweater eating chocolate or reading a book. Something unapologetically remus.

Instead the only people in the compartment were a few of the house prefects. Her head counterpart was nowhere to be seen. That was unlike remus. Oh well. She put her trunk in the back of the compartment and took a seat next to jamie liza, the fifth year prefect for hufflepuff. The two had never gotten along particularly great but her other option was sitting next to charles landson, a fifth year ravenclaw who always looked at her in a way that made her uncomfortable. His gaze was always a little too… my eyes are up here.

She sat in the compartment for a few minutes making polite small talk with jamie while the remaining members that belonged in the compartment trickled in. each one that walked in she looked up at, wondering where remus could be.

The door opened once more and lily looked up but to her surprise james stood there.

"James!" she exclaimed standing up and running to hug him. She had missed him much more than she realized "what are you doing here?"

"Well," he chuckled as she let go of him "would you look at this." he took a small silver badge out of his pocket with the letters "HB" on it.

"No way." she said grabbing it out of his hands "did you steal this from remus?" she raised an eyebrow at him

"Why do you assume that?" she simply stared at him "good point. No i didn't. For some god-forsaken reason i was appointed head boy."

"Well, well, well, would you look who's been reformed." lily smiled smugly at him

"Yes, well, it was only because of you, dear." he kissed her on the top of her head and lily smiled. It was good to be back.


	23. Chapter 23

That night in the dining hall was the most enjoyable lively night that james had had in awhile. He had missed hogwarts with it's suits of armor in every hall and the ceiling of the dining hall enchanted to reflect the sky above it. He had missed the banter and laughter of the students. He had missed remus and peter and the four marauders being all together. And, of course, he had missed lily. He glanced to his right where she sat a few seats down flanked by alice fortescue and marlene mckinnon. The three were in outrageous laughter about who-knows-what and lily was trying desperately to not spit her food everywhere by the looks of her.

"Good to be back, isn't it?" remus asked and james turned his attention back to his friends

"Indeed, moony. I missed your sorry arse." sirius answered. Peter cleared his throat rather loudly

"Missed you too, wormtail." sirius clapped him on the shoulder

"What, you didn't miss james?" he asked

"Well," sirius started looking a bit uncomfortable all of a sudden "you see, i kind of spent the entire summer with james over at his place…"

"Oh. no reason attached? Just shacking up together?"

"My family… got even more sick of me than they previously have been." sirius stated vaguely, but remus and peter understood and picked up a new subject.

"So," peter started "anyone else have divination this year?"

"Oh _merlin_ no." remus shuddered "i didn't think i could take anymore staring into my tea cup endlessly and making charts of when i might die." james smirked over at remus. His scarred face normally held too much darkness but tonight that darkness was nowhere to be seen as he laughed with his friends. Yes, hogwarts truly was a magical place.

…[...[]...]...

It was later that night after the feast. The marauders were in the same dormitory they'd shared since first year. They were always completely sure it was the same one because of the initials they'd carved into their bedposts during third year. Fourth year they'd tried to switch bunks just for the heck of it but it was mainly just confusing so they went back to their self-assigned beds.

James unpacked his books from his trunk and stacked them in no particular order next to the head of his bead and put his quill on top of them as kind of a nightstand. Of course almost immediately sirius's large orange cat came out of nowhere and knocked it off onto the floor. James tried to scold the cat as he picked his quill up but the cat's squished face was just so ugly that he ended up laughing instead.

"What's so funny?" sirius insisted launching a pillow across the room at james

"It's your cat, pads." james said as he finished his laughing fit "it's just so bloody ugly."

"I would love to correct you… but sadly that is one homely cat." the squashed-nose wonder didn't seem to appreciate this very much because it simply hissed at both of them and slunk off to who-knows-where. James didn't particularly care as long as it wasn't wreaking havoc in their dorm.

"Oh, merlin!" james heard peter exclaim from behind him

"Wormy, what seems to be the problem?" sirius asked pulling an old potter family quilt james's mother had given him from his trunk

"I spilled the new bottle of ink i bought all over the bottom of my trunk and it soaked the bottom half of my ancient runes book!"

"Yikes." was all sirius offered. As far as sympathy went sirius wasn't really your go-to guy.

"Aw, it was the red ink too so now my trunk looks like the scene of a bloody murder!"

James and sirius laughed and james went to go help him clean out his trunk.

"What's all this nonsense?" remus asked opening the door to their dormitory. He had been down in the common room.

"We're not even doing anything odd?" james questioned from the floor beside peter's trunk

"Honestly i didn't actually look at what you were doing i just kind of assumed it was nonsense."

"Good assumption." sirius offered as he made his bed across the room

"Well, peter has been hiding his murder victims in his trunk and now he has to deal with the mess he's made." james said and then turned to peter with a solemn expression on his face "you know, wormtail, actions have consequences-"

"Oh, shut it!" he hit james on the arm with a his stained runes book and the marauders laughed. Together. It was times like this when james felt as if the four of them would be together forever. They were family, after all.


	24. Chapter 24

Overall, lily evans was overjoyed to be back at hogwarts with her friends learning more complex magic, and merlin the food sure was great, but right now, at six thirty AM trying to wake up and get down to the great hall for breakfast that joyful feeling was nowhere to be found.

She groaned and rolled over, burying her head in her pillow. _On the count of three_. She told herself.

 _One… you have to get up, lily_

 _Two… get ready you miserable sap_

 _Three… oh my god that was worse than i thought it was going to be can i get back in bed?_

Lily teetered on the balls of her feet but refused to fall back over onto her bed because she knew if she did that she would never get back up. She would just lay in under the warm, inviting covers that she loved so much… _no. it's time to go learn magic and shit._

She rubbed her blurry eyes and pulled of her pajamas, shuddering at the cold. All she wanted was _sleep_. She lethargically pulled on her hogwarts uniform, strangely satisfied at how familiar it felt.

"Marlene," she shook the shoulder of the sleeping girl in the bunk next to her "marlene you have to get up."

"Says who?" mumbled marlene incoherently

"The ministry. There are aurors here right now with their wands pointed at me and they said if i don't wake you up they'll send me to azkaban."

"Nu-uh" marlene moaned

"Fine, you caught me, but you do have to get up."

"I'm seventeen. I'm of age. I don't have to do anything unless i wanna." lily sighed at this and leaned in close

"Marlene," she cooed "marlene, there's food downstairs."

"Food?"

"Yes, an entire banquet hall full of biscuits. And eggs. And nice cool pumpkin juice."

"Pumpkin juice?"

"Yes."

"Alright." marlene slowly sat up looking like she had just returned from playing the zombie in a horror film. She tossed the blankets back and stood "i'm up."

"Good." lily turned to leave

"Which way is the washroom, again?" lily turned back around and saw marlene standing with her eyes practically closed and a hunch back to rival quasimodo's. She grabbed the girl by her shoulders and gave her a light push towards the bathroom door.

"Thanks." marlene gave her a slight wave with the back of her hand as she stumbled towards the bathroom.

"No problem, mars." lily called, a smile on her lips as she closed the door. She bounded down the stairs towards the gryffindor common room and saw first years looking about wide eyed. Their robes were crooked and they hung in small clusters like if they didn't all share a life force they would immediately shrivel up and die. She had a twinge of nostalgia remembering being a first year herself. She had sev as her best friend, which was good, or so she thought, but she also had a jealous petunia hating her guts. Well, that much hadn't changed. Basically in the last six years james and sev had just traded places. Now she wanted to talk to james whenever something went wrong and she enjoyed being with him, and she hated severus with a burning, fiery passion. Nice.

Lily walked down the halls a smile on her face the whole time at the fact that she was finally back at her home away from home.

"Hey, evans!" called a cruel voice from behind her. She kept walking

"I'm talking to you!" a wild haired girl appeared beside her and lily kept walking, paying her no attention

"Oh, the mudblood thinks she's too good, is that it?"

"I don't have time for this." lily stated simply, finally giving in.

"Make time." she snarled and grabbed lily's arm. Lily's mind flashed back to last year when that damned curse had flowed through her veins.

"Get off me." lily snarled back with a ferocity that even scared herself a little bit. She hadn't meant for that to come out but she wasn't exactly sorry it had.

"Ooh, feisty little thing. Is it the hair? I've heard people with red hair are particularly feisty."

"The hell do you want, bellatrix?"

"That's no way to speak to a blood superior, now is it?" she sneered

"I don't give a shit how much your family is into incest, bellatrix, just leave me alone." lily tried to pull away but her grip was much stronger than she had expected and lily didn't end up going much of anywhere. She felt something press into her side and instinctively knew it was bellatrix's wand. Lily froze.

"Not so tough now, are we?" bellatrix leaned in close

"Do you have a point, bellatrix?" lily choked out

"Little red's scared. Well that's too bad." she sang with a laugh. Lily felt the wand move up her side and bellatrix whispered a word she couldn't quite make out. Suddenly she felt a horrible sensation in her ribs and fell on her knees because of the intensity of it. Even breathing hurt. Lily looked back up at bellatrix, except now the dark skin and hair was nowhere to be seen. Normally lily would have been curious as to how she simply disappeared without being able to apparate but right now the blinding pain that was happening in her ribs was demanding all her attention. She gasped and grabbed at her sides. So far her first day back was going really great.

…[...[]...]...

About an hour later lily was lying in a bed in the hospital wing. She was the only person there in need of medical attention. Shocker. It wasn't even eight o'clock on the first day back and she had already managed to land herself under the watchful eye of madam pomfrey. Apparently bellatrix had managed to break lily's ribs. All of them. Simultaneously. Lily would have been impressed if she wasn't the victim and this wasn't a hate crime.

The moment lily had come into the hospital wing madam pomfrey had pushed her into a clean white bed by a window and muttered various spells and charms on lily.

Sadly, lily hadn't been able to get there by herself and the only person who had stopped to help her had been charles landson, who couldn't seem to stop talking about how sure he was that he was going to land the position of ravenclaw seeker this quidditch season the entire walk across the castle and lily couldn't muster the concentration to tell him to shut up. Her only consolement was the fact that james had been the quidditch captain since his fifth year and the gryffindor team was strangely good. She was excited to see ravenclaw get their arses beat by them.

"Here," madam pomfrey bustled over breaking lily's fantasy about charles getting hit by a rogue bludger handing lily a thick, gray liquid in a vial that she was not all all excited to take from her "drink this." she commanded and lily had no choice but to raise the glass vial painfully to her mouth and drink it in one gulp. It burned her throat and lily coughed at the potion that tasted strangely like dirt.

Yes, it certainly was a great first day back.


	25. Chapter 25

The marauders were down in the great hall enjoying the full breakfast laid out for them on their first day back. James looked to his right, expecting to see lily sitting in her usual spot a few seats down, but she wasn't there. He craned his neck to make sure he wasn't just missing her, but then again with her head of bright red hair it was a little difficult to miss her. Marlene and alice were sitting with an extra space on the bench between them where lily should have been. He stood up and walked the few paces over to them.

"Hey, alice, do you know where lily is?"

"Well hello to you too, potter." marlene said stuffing a forkful of breakfast into her mouth

"Well, hello, marlene. Have you seen lily?"

"Nope." is the word he thought he heard between the food in her mouth

"Alice?" he turned towards her

"No, me neither." she shook her head

"Well, thanks, i suppose." he offered a smile and went back to his seat.

"Searching for your long lost love?" sirius asked as he sat back down to his breakfast

"Something like that."

"No idea where she is?"

"None."

"That's unusual for her." peter commented "isn't it?" he seemed suddenly unsure

"Yes, pete. It is." sirius said clapping a hand on his shoulder.

James chuckled and began piling more food on his plate. As nice as it was to have breakfast ready made he kind of missed his house elves.

…[...[]...]...

The day progressed and in all the classes james and lily were supposed to have together she was nowhere to be seen. He was starting to grow worried and asked a couple more people if they'd seen her and only one person had all day and they said they'd only seen her in the hall early this morning. Normally there would be no cause for worry but with the growing war and hatred about muggleborns growing with it he was afraid she'd been hurt. He could barely keep his mind on his first day of lessons. He had no idea as to where she could be until a hufflepuff named Freemond Hapley came up to him at lunch.

"Hello, james." he greeted him and pushed his sliding spectacles up his nose a bit.

"Hey, freemond. What's up?" james and freemond knew each other but they never really talked much.

"I just heard you asking about lily earlier."

"Yeah, do you know where she is?"

"Um, well, i heard from penelope griffith that she's in the hospital wing."

"The hospital wing? Why? Do you know what happened? Is she okay?" james tried to make himself slow down but the truth was he could barely stay seated.

"I don't know i just heard there was something about her and bellatrix in the hall this morning. I think penelope said she saw charles helping her to madam pomfrey."

"Charles? From ravenclaw?" that little dickhead looked at lily in a way that made james extremely uncomfortable and, to be honest, a little bit angry. He had had his eye on lily for quite a while and had asked her out a few times last year despite the fact that he knew james and lily were together. James despised the little shit.

"That's the one." freemond nodded

"Oh my god." james muttered mussing his hair out of habit. He stood up and walked out of the dining hall without a second thought.

he strode down the near empty halls and across the castle into the hospital wing. He spotted lily immediately. Partially because of the red hair and partially because she was the only person there.

She sat up when she saw him then immediately winced and grabbed her side

"Hey, evans." he offered a smile and sat in the seat next to her bed

"Hey, potter." she greeted back and james's heart gave a little bit when he saw how much pain she was in.

"What happened to you?" he reached forward and gently took her hand

"Bellatrix happened." james tensed but he tried not to show it. Even so, he couldn't stop himself from muttering some… things about her under his breath.

"Hey," lily squeezed his hand and smiled sweetly "bellatrix is a huge bitch and i hate her." james laughed at the turn that sentence took.

"What did she do to you?" he asked softly brushing a finger along the bandage that ran all around her torso

"Just broke a rib. Or two. Or… all of them."

"Bellatrix lestrange broke all your ribs?"

"It seems that way." she nodded

"I'd be angry but that's kind of impressive."


	26. Chapter 26

Lily evans's first month at hogwarts was uneventful and disappointing. She had been looking forward to roaming the halls and seeing the castle again after her summer at home but so far all she had seen was the hospital wing. A few days into the year kids had started coming and going with missing bones, bald spots, their eyes glued shut and numerous other things that lily could hardly fathom the situations that you had to be in to obtain injuries like that. Injuries like having every single one of your ribs broken at once. On the bright side, however, madam pomfrey's need to nurture someone was redirected and redistributed. Lily was eternally grateful for this because she herself had always been a busy body and hated being waited on. So this situation was really great for her.

All her homework and lessons had to be brought to her and she missed her friends. They came to visit of course, and james was there almost every night, but it wasn't the same. She missed rushing to classes and the way she learned to navigate the staircases perfectly that would never not be satisfying. The thing that was really a bummer was that charles also came to visit her and now lily had nowhere to run. Or the physical capability to actually run anywhere.

She had been wondering how james was getting along with his responsibilities as head boy. There were quite a lot of them and to be honest lily had been expecting to do all of them herself. Not because she didn't think he would help but because she was that person. You know the one. The one who demands to do all the work in a group project because she's a control freak.

Lily sighed and closed her eyes. She had gotten no sleep last night because of a nightmare that just wouldn't go away or seem to end. When she had finally managed to wake herself up it was only about three AM and she had been afraid to go back to sleep so she had just sat up and gotten ahead on her schoolwork using lumos on her wand and trying not to wake the others in the hospital wing who were actually managing to get sleep.

The tiredness set in almost immediately and lily felt herself drift off into what she was glad was a dreamless sleep…

…[...[]...]...

Lily woke up who knows how much later in the same bed she had been stuck in for a month. She supposed she had been asleep for awhile because the sky was dark in the windows outside and james was in the chair next to her bed. He hadn't noticed she was awake yet and lily was taking this time to just look at him. Not in a creepy way. Or maybe in a creepy way, but honestly james was just really hot and lily was wondering how she was ever in denial about liking him. He was doing his school work and he was holding his quill in his mouth while reading something intently.

Lily didn't know exactly how long she had been staring at him like a serial killer when he sighed and looked up from his book.

"Hello, lily. Have a nice rest?" he smiled that smirk of his that made so many girls fall for him. But they could bugger off because james was lily's.

"Well, when you're stuck in a stuffy hospital wing for a fucking _month_ you sort of run out of things to do."

"Aw, poor lily." he reached out and stroked a strand of her hair "stuck in bed not having to go to classes or do your head girl duties."

"Ah yes, how are you getting along with all that?"

"Well, as you know, responsibility is certainly new for me," lily smiled "but i think i'm doing alright. Remus is my honorary head girl until you get better."

"Somehow that makes far too much sense." lily agreed "how's quidditch going?" she asked.

"We held tryouts last week and i'd say we're alright. I mean, we're no chudley cannons but we've got a chance at the house cup, i'd say." although lily did greatly enjoy watching quidditch she certainly didn't follow it, so she didn't get the reference to the team. She never really had the patience for it.

"Well good on you lot, i suppose. Do me a favor?"

"And what would that be?"

"Beat charles's arse for me."

"Oh, lil i don't think i'll be able to." lily stared at him for a moment "because i don't think he's good enough to even get on the ravenclaw team."

"I'll drink to that!" lily agreed and james chuckled "no really," she continued and leaned in close "sneak me in some firewhiskey because this place is the worst."

"Why, lily," james gasped and brought a hand to his heart "is the _head girl_ assuming that me, the extremely responsible _head boy_ has snuck alcohol into this place of learning." lily simply stared at him until his expression broke and he started laughing.

"Alright you caught me. I happen to have… connections."

"Are those connections sirius?"

"Yes those connections are sirius."

"Alright then."


	27. Chapter 27

James hurried out of his quidditch uniform and into what were just his comfortable clothes for lying around after that days practice. The team he'd put together this year wasn't the best, but they certainly had potential and james was convinced they'd improved after that one practice alone. but now the time for quidditch was over and next up was taking a five minute break to eat dinner down in the great hall before going to pay a visit to lily. She was supposed to get out of the hospital wing in just under a week. James wanted to strangle bellatrix, but the main reason he hadn't was honestly just that he hadn't been able to find time. He got up early for classes, then after classes he had quidditch practice that he had to run, as he was the captain, then he had to run down for dinner in the great hall before going to see lily, and after that were his rounds and responsibilities as head boy. It was as if the universe was trying to have him make up for all the missed responsibility in his life in just one year.

James threw his broom in his cupboard in the changing room and jogged up to the castle. He rushed into the dining hall where most of the students were already sitting down eating. He ran over to the marauders and sat down next to peter suddenly. Both peter and sirius jumped, remus had his head so buried in his potions book to notice.

"Merlin's beard, prongs!" exclaimed peter, settling back down in his seat

"Trying to kill me, are you?" sirius asked as dramatically as ever

"Please," james waved him off and grabbed a dinner roll from the center of the table. "If i wanted to kill you i could have done it a long time ago." sirius snorted

"You wish."

"I know." james joked throwing a wad of his dinner roll at him. Sirius caught it in his mouth

"Ha! See, you can't fool me-" he went on before accidentally knocking over his goblet.

"Ah, fuck it!" he franticly tried to vanish the mess with his wand but wasn't doing a great job "this is no example of how easy it is to kill me! Tell him peter!" james looked at peter

"This is exactly an example of how easy it would be to kill him." peter and james nodded at each other while sirius cursed them in french. James didn't speak french he just knew that when sirius spoke it he usually wasn't saying things suited for polite conversation with somebody's grandmother.

James grabbed a plate and loaded it up with whatever he could reach, stuffing it into his mouth as quick as he could.

"Slow down there, mate." sirius observed having finally cleaned up the spilled pumpkin juice "you're gonna choke and die."

James couldn't answer because he was busy stuffing more food into his mouth but if he could have answered he probably wouldn't have said anything of substance anyway. He finished his plate and washed it down with peter's goblet of pumpkin juice, wincing a little at the taste. He had never been crazy about the stuff.

"Hey!" peter exclaimed but james just winked at him before turning and starting his walk to the hospital wing.

Truth be told james liked staying busy. He liked it a lot. It just felt right to him. He didn't know why he had done the bare minimum for so long. Probably just because he was preoccupied with trying to be an animagi, remus being a werewolf, and who could forget pranking. The marauders hadn't been very active this year it that area because of the war, mainly. James was suddenly very serious about school. He wanted to be an auror so bad, he felt so strongly about it and he knew to make that happen he had to do the best he possibly could in his last year at hogwarts. Remus had always felt this way about school and sirius and peter had always been pretty average students. It's not that they weren't smart enough to be at the top of their year, it's just that they didn't care enough about school. They both prefered non-structured learning tactics. James had shared this until he realized non structured learning tactics weren't going to help him become an auror and take down voldemort. He was especially driven because of the recent attack on lily. It wasn't the first time but it wasn't even the second day of school yet when he heard that his girlfriend was in the hospital because she'd been attacked.

He was still fuming just a little bit when he walked through the door to the hospital wing. Lily had one of the beds closest to the door because of how early she had managed to arrive. He walked over and sat next to her bed, still feeling a small pang in his heart at the sight of her. Her entire torso was bandaged thickly and he could see her wince just a little bit whenever she laughed or drew in a large breath. One of these days he was going to use bellatrix's own wand to pry out her eyes.

"Hey there." lily smiled at him and james immediately felt a little more at ease. Dammit, how did she do that to him?

"Hey, there." james greeted back

"How was the team's first practice?" she asked him and james was eternally grateful to have a girlfriend that actually enjoyed quidditch. He did not agree with the fact that she thought knowing team members and following the current season was a waste of time and it had been the subject of several tiffs between them but she did know all the rules and tended to have more team spirit than most, so james supposed he could forgive her.

"The team is already starting to shape up."

"Well that's good!"

"Charles's arse doesn't stand a chance against us." he winked at lily and she smiled deviously.

"Give me some more information. On a scale of one to ten how good is the team?" james thought for a minute

"Six and a half." he finally concluded "but we'll get better. We only just started practice after all."

"That's pretty good." lily agreed.

"Yeah, but you know what's better?" james asked he

"What?"

He leaned forward and kissed her. That was another thing he'd always be grateful for. When they had first started going out james had just been surrounded by the constant disbelief that it had finally happened but now it just felt so natural. Being with her seemed more right than anything else ever would. Right now, as he kissed her, he knew that this is where he belonged. With her. Until death did them part.


	28. Chapter 28

Today was the day. The day lily finally got her bandages off and was allowed to leave the hospital room and go back to her dorm. She had winced when madam pomfrey unwrapped the cloth from her torso and had immediately felt an odd tingling sensation from it. It had been wrapped around her for so long she had forgotten how it felt to be without it. Her ribs still hurt, but barely, and only when she hit them with something or laughed too hard. That was unfortunate because lily was the type of person that laughed with her whole body. She threw her head back and smiled wide, even though she hated her teeth. They weren't all that bad she just prefered a closed mouth smile because she had two crooked ones right towards the front for all to see, but when she laughed she didn't care. When lily evans laughed it was as if the whole world with its hatred and bigotry and bad days stopped, if only for just a moment. It was a feeling she wished she could savor forever.

Even now, she smiled at the happiest memories she had. A family dinner in the backyard at her parents house back when she and petunia had still gotten along. Her and her dorm mates staying up all night in third year even though they had classes the next morning with pastries and chocolate they had snuck up from the dining hall. Watching her fifth year quidditch match of gryffindor vs slytherin with sirius and peter. Remus had been out "sick". Slytherin had won but she still enjoyed the game itself and cheering with what then were her new friends. Last year when she and james had gotten drunk down at hogsmeade. The sensation of the firewhiskey slowly making its way towards her head while the feeling of james's lips on hers made everything seem a little bit better somehow.

She sighed a happy sigh as she grabbed her bag of school supplies that had lived in the hospital wing with her. It hurt a little when it bumped into her side but she was so relieved to finally be going to her classes again today that she hardly noticed. She had already missed her first class, ancient runes, but she could still make all her other ones.

"Oh, goodbye, dear!" madam pomfrey bustled over from where she was tending a small girl with unusually unruly blonde hair when she saw lily gathering her things "i'm going to miss having you around, you know. I had rather grown used to you."

"I had to go sometime." lily smiled "i would like to say i'll miss being here but i'm excited to be going back to my classes again."

"Only you, dear." madam pomfrey shook her head "i would tell you to visit but i don't exactly fancy telling students to get themselves hurt, you see. Oh well," she waved her hand "i suppose if something does happen you know where to find me!" and with that she went off to draw the curtains around a rather green-looking seventh year boy. In just her month here lily thought she had seen more magical ailments than most witches and wizards saw in a lifetime.

Just like that lily walked out of the hospital wing and power walked as fast as her slightly sore ribs would allow her. There was still ten minutes until charms started. Lily navigated the halls without a thought, as if she had never been in the hospital wing in the first place. The satisfying feeling of knowing without a doubt which staircase took you where was as gratifying as she remembered it. She neared the charms classroom and her excitement to back in the learning environment grew. She was a little strange, wasn't she? Oh well. A love for school certainly wasn't a bad thing.

There were loud students exiting the room, standing in the hall outside and talking inside the classroom. Lily sighed in contentment. she had missed the buzz of casual conversation. In the hospital wing everything was whispered and serious. She stood in the doorway and looked around for that familiar head of tossed up black hair. It didn't take her too long. Lily made her way across the room and put her hands over his eyes.

"Guess who." she chuckled into his ear. He pulled her hands off his face and turned around in an instant.

"Lily? Lily!" he hugged her, making sure to hug her shoulders and not her ribs. Lily was very grateful for how thoughtful he tended to be, despite his careless delinquent rep.

"What are you doing here?" he asked when he finally let go of her

"What, not happy to see me?" she joked

"Oh, you don't believe that for a second, lily evans! Why didn't you tell me you got out of the hospital wing today!"

"I wanted to surprise you, i suppose."

"Well consider me surprised!" he hugged her again

"Oi!" lily heard from behind them "is that- no. it can't be lily evans, can it? I never thought i'd see the day!"

"Hi, sirius." lily smiled turning away from james. He kept his hands wrapped around her waist and she felt her face warm a little

"Why, i'll be!" he exclaimed in the mock voice of an old lady "how long has it been? Ten? Twenty years?"

"Something like that." lily nodded a solemn expression finding it's way onto her face to play along with sirius's charade

"Lily!" she heard from across the room and saw peter bobbing his way across the classroom "lily! I missed you!" peter exclaimed. Lily laughed and her ribs ached a little but she didn't mind

"I missed you to peter."

"Oh. well hello." remus had appeared next to them. How lily had neither seen nor heard him coming over was a bit of a mystery.

"Well this sure is a party now, isn't it?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were getting out of the hospital wing today?"

"Ah, the eternal question." james rested his chin on the top of lily's head

"Well it doesn't really matter, now does it? I'm back now and i know the school was _dying_ without me." she exaggerated "everyone in the entire building was asking the question _when does lily get out of the hospital wing_?"

"Oi, can't you just answer a bloody question!" peter laughed. Lily laughed with him. She couldn't even explain how good it felt to be back. Here, with these people, this was where she belonged.


	29. Chapter 29

James was so happy that lily was back out of the hospital wing. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed seeing her throughout the day. Just being able to glance over in one of their classes and see her sitting there hunched over feverishly taking notes the way she did with her thick hair falling all in front of her face. After their next couple classes james and lily headed to the dining hall together, their hands linked firmly together. James had insisted that he carry her bag once he had seen her wincing every time it bumped into her side.

As soon as they walked into the hall under the archway lily squealed- something james had _never_ heard her do before- and ran across the room to marlene, mary, and alice. He smiled and followed after her. As he walked up he heard snippets of their conversation like "why didn't you tell us you got out of the hospital wing today!" and "how do you feel?". At least it wasn't just him that lily had kept in the dark about her recovery. He wasn't mad. No- just the opposite. This morning james was the happiest he had been in weeks. His chest had warmed and his stomach seized up in that wonderful way it always did when he saw her, but this time it had been so much better. All he had wanted in the whole world was to kiss her right then and there, but alas there were rules against that sort of thing and he had to try to avoid detentions now that he was head boy. This whole responsibility thing sure was annoying.

He walked closer to the group

"Oh, hi, James! Did you know lily got out of the hospital wing today? Because she didn't tell us." alice asked aiming an accusatory glare at lily. Being so bubbly was out of character for alice.

"Believe me i had no idea," he smiled and readjusted one of the bags on his shoulder that was beginning to slip. It had certainly been a welcome surprise, though.

"Well i didn't want anyone to make a big deal of it!" lily exclaimed as the girls began protesting her secrecy again

"Big deal! Lily, you had all your ribs broken! At once!" marlene yelled

"You think i don't know that." lily laughed but james saw her eyes darken just a little bit.

"Hey, lils," he had been standing behind her and he tapped her on the shoulder "i was thinking you and i could sneak some food out down to the lake for lunch." she looked hesitant "come on it'll be nice. We could sit under that big tree you like so much and if you want i'll even help you study or some rubbish that you seem to find fun." she chewed her lip as she pondered

"It is a tad loud in here…" she conceded

…[...[]...]...

Not even ten minutes later lily and james sat under a large oak down by the lake. There were a few other students but they were nothing compared to all the masses inside.

They had quite a spread around them. They had grabbed a large cloth napkin each and filled them with rolls and fruit and such and brought them down next to the murky water.

"So," james turned to lily who had been taking small bites off a block of cheese "tell me. How are you really holding up?" she took a moment

"Really?" she asked and he nodded. She paused again and james was beginning to think she wasn't going to answer when she said

"Not too good, james." he waited to see if she would continue "i don't know what to think. I'm so happy to be here and all but there are so many bad memories…" he nodded. He understood what she meant

"severus yelling at me and telling me i'm a _mudblood_ ," james felt a huge stab of guilt. Technically speaking that incident had been his fault. lily pulled her knees up to her chest and she looked so raw and vulnerable that james wanted to cry for a moment

"what happened last year with him and lucius," she continued on. james remembered that all too well. Sometimes he still woke up in the middle of the night hearing her sobs

"and now this." she shook her head and looked at him with tears in her eyes "i want to be strong, james. I want so bad to be the girl that people look up to and admire but sometimes i just- i don't know if i can. What is all this getting me? My own sister thinks i'm a freak and what are good grades when you're a walking target for death eaters?" james reached over and gently pulled her against his chest. She curled into him and he could swear part of his heart broke when he felt her body convulse in a sob.

"Lily. oh, lily," he said quietly as he hugged her tighter "if only you knew how much people loved you. You're looked up to and respected and you're _so_ _strong_. I spend most of my time wondering how you do it. People insult you and try to bring you down and every day you seem to get stronger and smarter and i don't know anyone else with even _half_ your courage, lily evans." she curled into him a little more and james rested his cheek on the top of her head. he couldn't help but feel a tear escape his own eye. This was the most amazing girl in the world and she had to live in a constant fear. She had to live with the knowledge she could be attacked or killed at any moment. Her own sister hated her and yet she got out of bed every morning.

As james held lily against him professor mcgonagall was walking from one part of the castle into another. Her transfiguration class was about to start, which was both james and lily's next class but when she saw the two of them by the lake, lily evans clinging to james potter as if he was life itself and james holding her like if he let go for even a second she would slip away, she decided she would let them miss her class. Just this once. Because the world shakes when a gryffindor cries.


	30. Chapter 30

Lily sat in the gryffindor common room. She was at a table in the corner doing her homework. Or at least trying to. She wasn't really able to focus much on it. She had been trying to keep her mind off everything that had happened to her over the years for so long that when she had finally talked about it today she was overcome with such immense exhaustion she could hardly believe it. She looked over to her right at a sudden burst of laughter. Alice, mary, and marlene were all playing a game together and looked as if they didn't have a care in the world. They had invited her to play with them but she had declined, saying she needed to catch up on her homework. This was a lie, or course. Lily had nothing but time while she was in the hospital wing and was actually a decent bit ahead. The girls had seemed to know something was wrong but didn't push her and instead just sat across the room and began playing by themselves. At some point peter walked in and joined them.

Lily put her head in her hands, breathing a heavy exhale. She didn't want to do schoolwork right now. She threw everything haphazardly into her bag and walked up into the girl's dormitory, just needing a little quiet.

Lily set har bag down by the foot of her bed and took her tie off, not really paying attention to where she put it. Next came her shoes and socks. Lily hated things on her feet. They made her feel crowded and that was the last thing she wanted right now. She debated staying in her school uniform, but eventually opted to just change into some casual shorts and an oversized sweater james had given her last year. Much more comfortable. She took her hair out of its ponytail and climbed onto her bed. She didn't get under the covers because she was afraid if she did she would fall asleep and miss dinner and skip her head duties once more.

Lily didn't know how long she laid there. It could have been minutes or hours and she wouldn't have known the difference. All she knew was no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get these damn thoughts out of her head. Everything that had ever happened to her because of her blood status kept playing on a loop in her head. Boys throwing rocks at her in hogsmeade in third year. A seventh year hufflepuff had tried to make her take her shirt off for him in a deserted corridor when she was fourteen. When she had refused he told her she had to listen to him because she was nothing but a mudblood when he was a pureblood. Lily had used petrificus totalus on him and left him there. Her own best friend had called her a that damn word back in fifth year then tried to act like she was the prick when she didn't want to talk to him anymore. Last year was the worst yet. The one she had nightmares about still. The cruciatus curse. She could still hear lucius's cold voice whispering the word in her ear. And on top of that bellatrix cursing her and breaking her ribs. All because she didn't have wizarding parents. All because of a stupid made up prejudice.

Lily's thoughts were interrupted when she heard someone open the dormitory's door. She looked up to see james. He technically wasn't allowed up here but lily knew he had found away around the charmed staircase a long time ago.

"Hey," he greeted her

"Hey," she said so quietly she wasn't even sure he heard her

"Okay if i sit down?" he gestured towards the bed. She nodded and he sat down on the edge of the bed next to her.

"You alright?" he asked her a minute later

"Yeah." she nodded "i'm alright." it wasn't true but she said it more for herself than she did for him.

"Okay." he said quietly and reached over to stroke a piece of her hair. She usually didn't like people touching her hair but she didn't mind with james. She rather liked it, actually. It calmed her down.

"You know," he said "i can ask remus to help me out with head duties tonight and you can just stay here and get some rest." he tucked the loose piece of her hair behind her ear

"No, no. it's fine." she protested

"I'm sure it's no problem, lily. He'll understand."

"I've been gone so long not doing them i don't want to put it off anymore. I'll feel bad."

"Lily, if you need to take one day off after helping everyone with everything for six years i'm sure that'd be quite understandable." he was right

"Okay." she nodded "thank you. And tell remus thank you for me, too." he gave her a kind smile

"Anything." he kissed her on the forehead and stood from the bed. He quietly left the room and shut the door behind him. Lily felt empty at his presence. She wanted to call him back but she knew he had things to do. But all the same, lily wished he were with her.


	31. Chapter 31

James walked the castle halls with remus that night as he had been doing since the beginning of the school year. Since remus had assumed, along with everybody else, that he would be the head boy he would have had to do this anyway so he didn't mind much. James had to do it alone on the full moon, though. Remus was obviously out of the picture and he couldn't ask sirius or peter since they would be with him. Remus had spent those nights alone for far too long for james to do that to him again now.

"Thanks again, mate." james turned to remus

"Not a problem. I like doing this, anyway. The castle at night is just so big and quiet it seems like it's a totally different place." james looked around, seeing what he meant. He had never really thought about it very much before. James wasn't an incredibly thoughtful person. Not like he didn't think of others or he was stupid, no nothing like that. James was just one of those people who enjoyed having a blank mind when nothing was pressing on him. His nights walking around the castle usually held thoughts of quidditch or lily or the other marauders, not so much the differences in how big something looked when it was empty vs crowded. That was definitely more remus's strong suit. He was the philosophical one. If one of them was to invent something extravagant or design a building it would certainly not be james.

"I'm going to miss this place." james stated sadly. It would be an incredibly strange experience to leave at the end of this year and know that he would never come back. At least not as a student. He might come back to see a professor or something of that sort, but no. never again as a student. Unlike what people may have thought of him, james quite enjoyed school. He had quite a good audio memory so what people perceived as laziness when he wasn't taking notes was just focusing on listening. When it came time for the test james could hear the teacher's voice perfectly in his head. What most people didn't know was james was actually in the top ten percent of his class. He didn't like to put it out there. People tended to treat you differently when they knew you did well in school. They saw you talking about it at all as bragging.

This was something he had discovered back in primary school. He used to get bullied quite a bit. He was the kid with the neat clothes and the big, thick glasses that got an A on every test. He was the chubby outcast that nobody would dare been seen with. He was the kid that was bad at sports and the slowest runner when they ran track. When he came to hogwarts he was determined to be different. He was careful not to let anyone see his grades or his papers, or even let them see him working on them. He would stay up late nights in the common room after everyone else had gone to bed or sneak into the library early in the morning. He messed up his hair every ten seconds and took off his glasses as much as he could, even though he was practically blind without them. He dressed sloppy with rolled up sleeves and a loose tie. He tried out for quidditch. He thought he would be horrible, but as it turns out if his feet weren't on the ground he was actually pretty good. He worked out every day and hit on girls.

Somewhere around third year he had even become the bully. He didn't know how it happened but it happened, nonetheless. Slowly. He used spells on innocent slytherins, and didn't even know why, outside of their house, of course. He especially liked to target severus snape, although he knew why that was. He had been jealous. Severus snape was a nasty boy who hated muggle borns and hung around with death eaters, and for some reason lily still liked him more than she liked james. Severus made james feel like the fat kid that had to sit alone in the lunchroom again. So james turned the tables. He and severus engaged in a full out war. Attacking each other with spells that they made up themselves, each a little worse than the last. They picked on each other and called each other names. But that day severus snapped at Lily down by the lake james woke up. He tried his hardest to be a better person. He didn't know why he hadn't decided to before then. After all, he should know how horrible it was to be bullied, right?

Remus felt similarly.

"I'm going to miss it too." he mused "it's the only place anyone's ever accepted me."

"What about your parents?" james asked. Remus didn't usually talk about his insecurities or his 'condition' so james was trying to ask questions without pushing.

"My parents do try. I know they do, but they haven't acted the same around me since… it happened, i suppose. They just try to pretend i'm not what i am. They act like nothing happened and every month i don't turn into a monster. They just pretend that i can't control my own actions and i don't remember what happened in the morning… they pretend that i don't wonder if i've killed someone when i wake up." he stopped walking and took a minute, staring at the ground. "You and sirius and peter," he continued "you three are the only people who have ever… liked me for what i am. Bloody hell, you joined me. You risk your lives for me every month and what do i do for you? Walk around the castle with you at night?"

"Remus none of us want anything from you. That's what having friends is all about. We do things for each other when we need it."

"That doesn't stop me from feeling guilty sometimes. I feel guilty when people like me… without knowing what i am. they deserve to know, james."

"Remus, if someone has a prejudice about what you are and they don't like you because of it then they're not worth your time anyway. Besides, what happened to you doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a good person that something bad happened to. The wolf isn't who you are remus. Not even close." he offered a smile but remus didn't look very reassured. He just nodded, still staring at the ground and slowly began walking again.

More than anything james wished he had a way to show remus how much they all cared about him. How much they truly _loved_ him. No matter what they did remus just wouldn't believe them.


	32. Chapter 32

Lily evans still felt a little guilty about last night. She knew she should be pulling more weight with her head duties but she just felt so tired. Not like she needed sleep but like her mind was just exhausted from dealing with so much. part of her felt like it wasn't that much and she was just being dramatic but the other part was convinced it was too much. Far too much. However, this feeling of exhaustion was prefered to the grief and anger she had been suffering a few days ago. Ever since she had talked to james the other day by the lake and had a conversation with her dorm mates late last night she felt as if the majority of it was off her shoulders. Now she was just dealing with the aftermath.

Right now she was in the great hall. It was lunch and she was trying to do some last minute studying for a test she had coming up next period. It shouldn't be very hard, but she had barely studied for it at all so she was in a bit of a last minute panic.

"Miss, evans," a hand tapped on her shoulder. Lily turned around to see professor mcgonagall wearing a solemn expression. No- she always had a solemn expression, this one was more grim than anything else

"Yes, professor?" lily asked, curious as to why she was being approached outside class. Her stomach flopped for a moment, wondering if she had done something wrong. Was this about skipping out on her head duties last night? She knew she should have just crawled out of bed and done them!

"Come with me please." lily stood up and followed professor mcgonagall out of the hall half filled with curiosity and half filled with dread for if she was about to get in trouble. Bloody hell what if she got detention. She had never got a detention before ever! Oh merlin.

Mcgonagall lead lily down the halls and into her office.

"Please have a seat, miss evans." she gestured towards one of two wooden chairs facing her desk before seating herself in the larger more ornate one behind it.

"I know you must be wondering why you're here," lily nodded "i'm afraid it's not good." her mind flashed to every possibility. She was being expelled. Her position as head girl was being revoked. She had gotten a failing grade on her last transfiguration test. Oh _shit_ what if this was about the transfiguration class she skipped when she was with james down by the lake?

"I'm not sure how to say this so i suppose i'll just get right to it," lily braced herself, but she still wasn't ready for what she was about to hear "it's your father. He's in the hospital. He's had a heart attack. Your mother and sister are waiting there for you now."

The world froze for a moment. She wasn't in trouble for failing a test or having remus cover her duties again last night. No- all that seemed silly and trivial now. Selfish, even. Her father was in the hospital. Her joking, friendly father that could lighten the mood in a room simply by being there. Lily wasn't sure what to do or say.

"Would you like me to escort you there, lily?" mcgonagall asked with a certain tender quality to her voice lily wasn't sure she'd ever heard before. All she could do was nod and slowly stand up from the chair, hardly even aware of the movements she was making.

"Grab my hand." mcgonagall held out her arm and lily did as she was told. Next thing she new hard air was pressing around them and her ears were ringing. She was being squeezed tight and then suddenly released again in a new location. It was a deserted hallway in a hospital. Lily immediately new because of the smell of hand sanitizer and the white tile floor with skid marks on it from the black shoes doctors often wore. There was the sound of rushing footsteps and important muttering in the distance.

"This way." mcgonagall said and started off towards the end of the hall. Lily wondered how she knew where she was going, but then realized it hardly mattered if she got to see her father. They walked briskly, the janitors and nurses that walked by sparing them odd looks because of their pointed hats and robes. Lily couldn't care less what anyone thought of her outfit right about now.

Soon enough they reached the double wooden doors at the end of the hall and walked through them into a bustling environment. Nurses carrying trays and calling things across the room to people. Phones ringing and the sound of charts clanking against plastic counter tops. People in thin gowns walking past with IVs sticking out of their arms.

"Excuse me," mcgonagall swept over to the reception desk "can you tell me where i can find a mister George Evans?"

"Are you family?" came the disinterested, but professional voice seated behind the desk scribbling things on a legal pad

"I'm here with his daughter, i'd say that's family." the receptionist looked up, saw lily and turned around to another woman in colorful scrubs standing behind her

"What room is George Evans in?"

"Who?"

"George evans, heart attack victim." lily's throat seized up at the word. This couldn't be real.

"I don't know, ask louise." and with that she grabbed a metal chart from the counter of the desk and bustled off

"Louise!" the receptionist called. A woman with wild black hair answered

"Yeah, dianne?"

"George evans, heart attack victim, what room is he in?" how could they be so casual about this? This was her _father_.

"room twelve B." with that the woman with the wild black hair picked up a ringing phone and began speaking rapidly into it

"There you have it, ms, down that hall to your left. Room 12B" she pointed to a hall behind her and picked up writing whatever it was she was so busy with on her legal pad again.

"Thank you." mcgonagall said curtly and began heading towards the correct hallway. Lily followed soundlessly. They arrived at the door and lily's still-churning stomach gave another flip. Mcgonagall knocked twice before cracking the door open to reveal lily's mother and petunia sitting in uncomfortable looking plastic chairs pulled up next to her father's bed. The both of them looked up and her mother stood when she saw lily.

"Oh, lily dear!" she cried and ran forward crushing lily in a hug. Lily squeezed back, needing it right about now. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"I think i'll be going. Farewell." mcgonagall began to back out of the room

"Thank you, professor." lily broke away from her mother and turned around. professor mcgonagall offered her a sad smile

"Not a problem. I hope your father gets well." she walked out and closed the door behind her and lily felt a surge of gratitude towards the stern old woman. She turned back to her mother.

"What happened to dad? What did he do?" she looked over where he was lying so helpless in the small bed, his usual warm smile gone from his face.

"We were out to brunch celebrating our anniversary," oh, yeah. Lily had forgotten what today was "he went to pull something out of his pocket and then he just seized up. His face went pale and- and-" she stifled a sob with her hand

"Oh, mum, mum, it's okay you don't have to tell me. Sit down." she urged, leading her back over to the chair by his bed. Her mother obliged, sitting down and grabbing her father's limp hand between both her own. Lily felt her own eyes tear up but blinked them away because she knew she had to stay strong for her mother. Because she was lily evans and even though she had to be strong she sure wished somebody else could be every once in awhile.


	33. Chapter 33

"Hey where's lily?" James sat down next to peter in the great hall. Lunch was half way over and she wasn't there.

"Mcgonagall came to get her earlier." sirius answered, grabbing a dinner roll and putting it onto his plate.

"Do you know why?" For a moment James was concerned she was in trouble for not doing her head duties last night. He had only wanted to help her. He would feel horrible if she had gotten in trouble.

"No idea, mate."

As soon as he finished his sentence mcgonagall strode by.

"Excuse me, professor." he called, making to follow her until she turned around

"Yes, potter?"

"Do you happen to know where lily is? I heard she was with you." it wasn't accusatory, just curious

"I don't know if i should tell you that, potter. She might not want you to know. I must respect the student's privacy." she turned around and went to leave again

"Is something wrong? Is she hurt?" mcgonagall turned around and he thought he saw a trace of sadness in her eyes. It worried him.

"Please, tell me, professor. I promise i won't tell anybody else. I just," he paused a took a deep breath "i need to know she's okay."

Mcgonagall seemed to mull this over for a moment and eventually sighed and spared a quick glance around them. She leaned in a bit

"I had to escort miss evans to a hospital in the city- because _her father_ has been admitted for a heart failure." she finished quickly after seeing james's face when she said she had taken lily to the hospital. No, lily had done her time in the hospital this year.

"Is she alright?" he asked. Lily had gone through enough and she certainly didn't need this right now.

"She's as can be expected, i suppose."

"Professor, i mean, i know it's a long shot, but is there any way you would consider letting me go see her instead of going to class? I usually wouldn't ask but i know she's been through alot lately and i just want to be there for her."

"I'm sorry, potter. No." she apologized like she actually meant it.

" _Please_ professor. I don't mean to beg, i really don't. I know she's always been close with her dad and right now she's there with her sister and things between them have always been a bit, well, choppy, to say the least. I just want to check on her. I won't ask again, and i know this is a bit forward, but i think you should let me go. Just this once."

"I told you- i'm sorry." she paused for a moment before continuing "There's absolutely no way i can tell you that lily evans is visiting her father in the cardiology unit on the fourth floor of Heanor Memorial Hospital, do you understand?" james knew it was entirely unlikely and nobody was going to believe him but he could have sworn that after she said that she winked at him behind her spectacles. She turned with a snap of her robes and walked towards the staff table once more.

…[...[]...]...

Thirty minutes later james stood on the fourth floor of heanor memorial hospital. He had taken one of the secret passages to hogsmeade and apparated from there. He walked up to a woman at a desk.

"Excuse me?" he asked "do you know where i can find george evans?" she didn't answer. What must have been a full minute later he tried again

"Excuse me-"

"Are you family?" she didn't even look up from what she was doing

"No, but-"

"Then i can't tell you."

"Please, i'm-" a voice interrupted him

"James?" he turned around

"Lily!"

"Okay then." he heard the woman behind the desk sigh

"What are you doing here?" lily asked, throwing her arms around his neck. He embraced her back

"Mcgonagall told me. Are you okay? How's your dad?" he let go of her and took a step back

"They said they don't know if he'll make it." there were tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, lil." he hugged her again

"He's not-" she choked back a sob "he's not dead yet."


	34. Chapter 34

Lily evans spent that entire day worrying more than she ever had in her life. She could hardly sit still. She needed to be doing something, but there was nothing to do. All she could do was wait. Wait for news and tests and all that other shit doctors told you to wait for. But lily didn't want to wait. She wanted her father to be alright. She wanted him to get up and declare he was fine. Then she wanted to go home. Not home to hogwarts- _home_. Home to the evans house with the lines outside from where she had accidentally driven her tricycle through wet cement. Home to the evans house with the big ugly rug in the living room because of the soda stain she and petunia had caused when they were children. Home with the fridge covered in bad childhood drawings.

She did feel better now that james was here, but she still felt pretty bad. Right now she was sitting outside in the waiting room, james sitting on one side of her, her mother sitting on the other, and petunia sitting several seats down from all of them. When she had sat down lily had heard her mutter something about not wanting anything to do with lily and her "freak boyfriend". Lily would tell her off but she didn't have the energy right now.

James was holding her hand inside both of his, making small circles on the back of it with his thumb. Lily had a headache from her heavy hair being tied up at the back of her head, but she didn't feel like moving to take it down.

"Lily, dear," her mother broke the silence "those clothes can't be comfortable." she was right. Lily was still in her school uniform and a bit miserable, honestly.

"Why don't you go home and change clothes- maybe take a shower. It'll relax you. Nothing is happening around here. Go on." lily shook her head. She didn't want to leave her father.

"It might be a good idea, lils." james murmured. Lily just shook her head again

"Lily," her mother said, this time a bit sterner, but still just kind "i know you. You'll feel better in your regular clothes with clean hair." lily sighed. She was right.

"Alright." she conceded "i'll be quick and i'll come right back."

"Don't hurry." she heard petunia mutter. Lily simply nodded towards james, ignoring her, and the two of them walked down the long hallway. When they reached a deserted part they ducked inside a broom closet.

"I wish these were better circumstances." james chuckled and it was only then lily realized they were less than an inch apart in the tight space once she closed the door. Lily faked a smile and held her hand out for him. He took it and the two of them apparated back to the evan's home. They landed in her bedroom. Lily ran a stressed hand through her hair, as much as the loose bun would allow, at least, and walked over to her dresser. She began pulling things out. Her favorite t-shirt, a pair of unbelievably comfortable jeans, a new set of underwear. She turned around and saw that james was sitting on her bed, tracing a finger along the spines of the books on the shelf right next to it.

"Alright, i'm going to take a shower. I'll be right back." she turned and went into the bathroom across the hall for her room. She turned the water on as hot as it would go and began undressing. She threw her dirty clothes in a pile and stepped into the scalding water. She immediately grabbed shampoo and began running it through her hair, trying to focus on the task at hand. But it was no use. All she could think about was her father. He might die. And if he died lily would crack like a piece of glass. She would be forever hurt and she didn't know if she could ever recover.

The very thought was too much for her. She sank down to the ground with her back against the shower wall and began to cry. That was something she had been doing a lot of lately. Lily cried for her father and how she would feel if she lost him. She cried for her mother and how alone she would be with him gone. She cried for petunia, wondering why she just wouldn't get along with lily no matter what the circumstances were. Lily evans cried because the weight of the world was falling on her shoulders and she couldn't figure out how to get it off.


	35. Chapter 35

James sat on lily's bed, taking in the room around him. There were books everywhere. Packed on the shelf, stacked on the dresser, there were even some poking out from under the bed. Pictures covered the walls, strung up with thread and twine. There were pictures of lily with her dorm mates at hogwarts, pictures of lily and the marauders. One of her and peter laughing during a game of exploding snap. One of her and sirius outside in the snow wearing only bathing suits (they had done it on a dare). Several of lily and james together, and several of james by himself. She must have taken these when he wasn't looking. There were some of him laughing in the great hall, reading over his homework in the common room while everyone else was asleep, him playing quidditch. He smiled and stood up, walking over to a picture of him and lily play fighting over a chocolate frog.

Over on the dresser stood a few framed pictures. One of lily and her mother on what must have been her first day of primary school. James could only laugh when he saw it. Lily's hair was bright and untamable, unlike how dark and smooth it was now. She had the same smile, though. A wide, open mouthed smile, tilted slightly to the left. Next to that picture was one of her and james. They were standing in a snow-crowded street in hogsmeade, smiling with their foreheads pressed together. He had no idea how lily had gotten this picture. Maybe remus had taken it.

He looked and saw that there was another picture on the other end of the dresser. It was lily at about age eight or so, hugging who must have been petunia. They both wore wide smiles and matching shirts. Lily's hair had calmed a little bit and darkened its color. She also looked nothing like her sister. James had noticed that earlier but the difference here was almost unbelievable. While lily had bright green eyes petunia's were almost brown. Lily had full, pink lips and petunia's were almost non-existent. Lily had a small button nose, but petunia's was a bit large for her face and hooked at the end. James actually felt rather bad for a moment because it was as if petunia had inherited all the worst features her two parents had to offer. She still looked happy, though. That was a stark difference in how she had looked today. Her and lily both. James was startled by a voice behind him.

"That was one of the last times petunia and i got along." james turned to see lily. She had wet hair and her eyes were slightly puffy, as if she had been crying. He didn't blame her at all.

"What happened between you two?" james knew petunia thought lily an outcast of sorts because of her magic, but that was about it. Lily didn't usual go into detail about her family.

"She got jealous, i suppose." lily walked over and picked up the photo sadly "she always wanted to do it too. Magic, i mean. She even wrote dumbledore one time, asking him why she couldn't go to hogwarts too. Why she wasn't like me." lily went and sat on the side of her bed.

"I don't blame her, really." she continued, the photograph still in her hands "i would be angry too if my only sister had magic and i didn't. I would hate me too." james went and sat next to her. He put an arm around her shoulder and lily leaned into him.

"She doesn't hate you." he took the picture from her and set it on top of the bookshelf next to the bed.

"Yes she does." she didn't say it sadly. Just certainly.

"No. she doesn't. She just doesn't like the fact that you're talented and beautiful and probably everything she always wanted to be. She doesn't like that she grew up getting plenty of attention until you came along. She loves you. I know she does. She just may not like you very much right now."

"James, she hasn't liked me for the past eight years."

"She'll get over it. Just wait. One day she'll see what an arrogant prick she was and apologize." lily gave a dry laugh

"You clearly don't know petunia."

"Maybe not. But one day you'll see i'm right. It might not be until the two of you are in your forties, and planning mid-day brunches. But it'll happen."

"Not i'm in my forties, huh?"

"Mhm."

"and where will you be by then?"

"I'll be wherever you want me to be."

"I want you to be with me. Forever."

"Then that's where i'll be."


	36. Chapter 36

Lily and james walked back through the hospital halls only thirty minutes after they had left. She had tried to be quick and get back to see her father as soon as she could. Her breakdown in the shower had slowed her down somewhat but she was here now. She walked down the hall as fast as she could without drawing attention to herself. She wondered if he would be awake. What would she say to him? Did it matter? She just wanted to talk to him again. She just wanted to know that he was okay.

She and james turned the corner into the waiting room. The first thing lily saw was her mother and petunia hugging. And crying. Lily moved closer to them now, faster, not caring if she drew attention to herself. She had to know he was okay. _He had to be okay_.

"Mom?" she asked, not expecting her voice to crack like it had. Her mother turned her head toward lily and simply shook it. That was all it took. Lily's eyes filled with tears immediately, like someone had opened a flood gate.

"He's- is he-" her mother just nodded again.

"Lily-" james tried but she pushed him away. She heard her mother sob into petunia again and started running. She had no idea where she was going but she had to go somewhere. She just had to get away. She had to get away from this hospital- it's blinding lights and white tile and stale smell. She had to get away from where her father was. Dead. the word sounded strange in her head. He was dead wasn't he? She would never see him smile again. Never hear him tell another bad joke or laugh at one of hers. He would never get to meet james or know lily had a boyfriend she was happy with. He would never be able to walk her down the aisle at her wedding or meet whatever children she had. He was simply gone.

Lily ran until she saw a supply closet with the door hanging open. She ducked inside quickly and shut it behind her. She took a minute, breathing hard and letting the tears fall freely. He was gone. Without a second thought she closed her eyes and apparated.

She felt the pressure squeezing her together, then felt it let go again. She opened her eyes and saw that hogsmeade was all around her. She was in front of the shrieking shack. People were still milling about, seeing as it wasn't very late yet. It was just turning dark around her. And cold too, for that matter. But lily hardly noticed.

She just turned towards the large castle and started walking. She knew it was a couple miles but it wasn't as if she had anything better to do.

People gave odd looks towards the girl with the still-damp hair and the muggle clothes. The girl with tears running down her face stumbling towards the castle as if it were her lifeline. She didn't know what was waiting for her there. She supposed she would find out. She just wandered wherever her feet took her.

…[...[]...]...

Who knows how much longer later lily found herself sitting in the middle of the quidditch pitch, staring up at the stars. If the universe was so big and she was just one little insignificant person then why did she matter? Why did all these bad things happen to her? Why did this hurt _so fucking bad_. Every time she thought she was done crying a different image of her father would appear in her head and she would begin to sob again. She missed him. He had only been dead for a few hours and she already missed him more than she could say. More than she could even fathom.

Sometime along the line she heard a familiar pop and knew someone had apparated next to her. She also knew it was james. He didn't say anything. He just sat next to her, pulled out a blanket and wrapped it around both their shoulders. Lily savored it's warmth. She hadn't even realized how cold she was until now. He also handed her a steaming cup of hot chocolate that she took, gladly. She didn't drink it. She just let it sit in her hands. After a long time of silence james said quietly

"I'm sorry, lily."

"He's gone, james." came her quiet response

"I know."

"I'll never see him again."

"I can't even imagine how that must feel."

"It's like… there's a big piece of me missing now that i never even knew i had before... It's like the cruciatus curse only five times worse. Ten times worse." hot tears began to slip out of her eyes again "i thought-" she hiccupped a sob "i thought that was the worst thing that could happen to me. The most- the most painful thing-" she gave a sad laugh "i had no idea."

James put an arm around her and pulled her closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and felt more tears fall.

"I need him, james." she sobbed openly "what will i do without him?"

"I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you'll get through this." he felt her shake her head "you will. You'll come out of it even stronger than you were before."

"I- i don't want to be stronger. I want my dad back." james just reached a hand up and began stroking her hair

"I know. I know." he whispered to her and soon her crying slowed. Then it stopped and james saw her face finally at peace. He knew it wouldn't last long. She would wake up and feel it all over again- a fresh wave of sorrow and misery and everything else bad you can possibly feel. But for now she was calm.


	37. Chapter 37

James let lily stay asleep on his shoulder for awhile, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. She looked so young when she was asleep. It was a contrast to the mature, responsible person she had to be when she was awake. She really seemed years older than seventeen.

Eventually the night began to grow colder around them and james started shivering, despite the blanket wrapped around the two of them. He didn't doubt that lily was cold too. So he took her in his arms and walked her back up the the school. When he opened the castle door filch came bearing down on him but james argued with him relentlessly that he was head boy and if filch went waking a teacher they would simply be mad at him rather than james. Filch finally sauntered off, muttering things about what _he_ would do to students if he were in charge. James was immediately glad that he wasn't.

James carried lily up to the gryffindor tower and sighed before walking over to the portrait of the fat lady. He was tired and knew he would have to give an explanation to people about where they were all day and why lily was unconscious in his arms.

"My, what happened to her?" the fat lady exclaimed in her high-pitched voice.

"Sugar quill." james said the password with a tone of finality and the portrait swung open, but the fat lady continued talking under her breath about "no need to talk to _me_ that way!" and "oh, the poor dear, i was just wondering what happened!"

James walked through the portrait hole, thankful to see that the only people still up were frank and alice, marlene, remus and sirius, and a couple of first years that were undoubtedly too shy to say anything. Alice noticed them first

"What happened?" she asked automatically standing up from the armchair she had been sharing with frank and walking over to them. James shook his head

"I'll tell you in a minute. Can you and marlene manage to get her up to bed?" james had figured out a spell to get into the girl's dormitory a while back, but it was rather difficult and he wasn't sure he had the energy right now.

"Sure thing. Come here and help me, marlene." alice said and marlene walked over from where she was seated in front of the fire. the two girls managed to get a sleeping lily up the stairs and out of sight. James sighed and walked across the common room, each step draining. He sat down on the long couch next to remus and sirius.

"She alright?" asked remus in a very concerned sort of voice. James simply nodded, closing his eyes and putting his head back for a moment. A few minutes later marlene and alice came back down the stairs.

"So what happened?" alice asked again, going back to the armchair while marlene joined the boys on the couch.

"Why weren't you here all day, mate?" sirius added

"Well," james readjusted himself on the couch "mcgonagall told me earlier that she had to escort lily to a hospital in london because her father had a heart attack. We sat there all day and…" james pinched the bridge of his nose "he…" how to put this? "He didn't make it."

"Is she alright?" marlene asked immediately "well that's a silly question," she corrected herself "of course she's not."

"Poor lily." alice mused to herself

"Is there anything we can do?" sirius asked

"I don't know. I think lily just needs people to be there for her right now. She really hasn't been able to catch a break since… well, last year, really."

"I can't imagine." frank stated after a minute of silence "losing a parent like that, just out of the blue. Must be horrible."

Sirius gave a small scoff under his breath but nobody said anything. They all knew what his relationship with his parents was like and none of them took his laugh personally.

"It's scary, you know." james said "that could happen to either of my parents any time. It's always been a little like that, because they've always been aurors since i can remember, but now with the war and all… it's different."

"It could happen to any of us." frank chimed in "we really don't appreciate them very much, do we? We just sort of take them for granted and assume they'll always be there, but that's not how it is at all."

There was a silence and james knew everyone was pondering frank's words. Although james had always loved his parents very much he never thought much about what he would do without them. How would he feel growing up without his father's kind smile and lighthearted attitude. What would he do without his mother? Bustling around, always busy, but never too busy to really sit down and talk to james if he really needed it. How would he feel if they were suddenly just gone?

Everybody had problems with their parents but the truth was james had gotten extremely lucky. When he thought about sirius or remus and the relationships they had with their parents he found himself a bit lost. He knew peter didn't even have a father. He was raised by his mother and his grandmother. james's parents were kind, but strict. He knew he had a big head for most of his hogwarts career, but overall he was a pretty good kid. He was glad they had taught him how to be polite, how to fight his own battles, how to think for himself. James would always be grateful for them.


	38. Chapter 38

When lily woke up the next morning she forgot for a minute. She actually forgot that her father was dead. Once she remembered it took a minute for it to actually sink in. it took a minute for her to actually get enveloped by it. And when she did it was so much worse than she ever could have imagined. Her breath actually caught in her chest for a minute and she forgot how to breath. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to think about him. She knew it was a horrible thought but she wanted to get him out of her head. She just wanted the pain to go away. But it didn't.

Lily turned her head and looked at the light poking in through the curtains drawn around the windows. She could tell it was much later than she usually slept in. thank god it was a saturday.

Lily couldn't tell you how much longer she stayed in bed. Five minutes? Fourty? And hour or two? She really didn't know. She kept telling herself she was going to get up then wondering why. Why did she have to? Couldn't she just lay here. Her own bloody father was dead, after all.

Finally, when she grew bored of staring at the dust particles floating around in the room, she got up and dragged herself to the wash room. Thankfully, none of her other dorm mates were still up here. Their beds were all empty.

Lily shut the door behind her and began filling the tub with scalding hot water. She usually took a cold shower (because it was more efficient, of course) but not today. Today she would indulge in a burning hot bath. She let the water rise to a dangerous level before stepping in. it was hot and painful, but it was also numbing. She didn't mind. Water splashed out of the tub all around her when she sank her torso in. it hardly mattered. She would clean it up later. Or maybe she'd simply slip and crack her head open or some other absurd thing her mother always seemed to think she would do. She always told lily to be careful when getting out of the bath. Lily hadn't even been allowed to get out of the bath on her own until she was almost seven. It was an odd thing to remember. Oh well.

Lily sat in the bath about as long as she sat in her bed. And by that, she meant she didn't know. She knew by the time she drew herself out the water was growing cold. Which was slightly impressive, considering it had felt like a sweltering summer heat wave when she had stepped in.

Lily wrapped herself in the closest towel she could find. It was big and white and fluffy. Gross. Lily hated fluffy towels. They made her feel… suffocated. She immediately dropped the towel on the ground, right into a puddle she had left from standing there off to the side of the rug. Not knowing what else to do, or what else she could use to dry off she just sat down on top of it and let all the water drip off of her one drop at a time.

Her hair felt heavy and sticky on her back. It always took forever to dry. She hated that. She always wanted to get rid of it. Not all of it, of course. She had no intention of looking like some odd religious fanatic or freckled monkey, she just wanted it shorter. Maybe shoulder length. That would be nice. Easy to dry, at least. There was a spell to dry hair almost instantly but it was kind of difficult to pronounce and lily wasn't good enough to do it silently yet. She only did it when exasperated or desperate.

Lily slowly stood and looked in the large, framed mirror hanging on the wall. The first thing she noticed was how much she hated her body, but she supposed that wasn't important right about now. She moved her gaze to her hair. It looked too dark to truly be red it was so wet. Lily rubbed some of it between her fingers. The thick mess of it hung down towards where the bottom of her rib cage was. That was awful long. Why did lily keep it so long? Her father had always commented that it was too nice to cut short, so lily never did. But he was dead now, wasn't he? She could cut it as short as she wanted. Not that she couldn't have done it before, but if she did it now absolutely nobody would care. Why not cut it?

Lily began to wonder where some scissors might be before realizing that she didn't want any. Those were a muggle thing. Muggle like her family. Muggle like her father. And her father was the last thing she wanted to be reminded of right now. She would use her wand, then.

Lily picked up the towel off the ground and held the long tag away from the fabric. She muttered the incantation under her breath and made what she thought was the correct, accompanying motion for the cutting spell. She did indeed cut the tag, she also made a small cut in her finger along the way.

"Shite!" it didn't hurt terribly bad, she just hadn't been expecting it. Oh well. She knew the spell well enough apparently. Let's begin, then.

…[...[]...]...

Lily spent the next hour or so using the spell to chop off large pieces of her hair, letting them float down and make a halo around her feet. A fiery, dark halo that she was honestly glad to be rid of.

All together, her hair ended up just shorter than shoulder length and didn't actually look choppy or bad. It didn't exactly look as if a profesional had cut it, but close enough.

Now lily had to deal with actually getting clothes to put on. She had forgotten to bring some into the bathroom with her. Brilliant. She grabbed the damp towel with pieces of hair stuck to it and wrapped it around herself before exiting the wash room to go over to her trunk. She ruffled around in it a few minutes before emerging with some underwear, a pair of nice, comfortable, stretchy jeans and a very soft t-shirt. It was only after she walked back into the bathroom to get dressed that she realized the shirt was james's. Who cared.

Lily went and just kind of stood in the middle of her dorm room. What now?


	39. Chapter 39

James was sitting in the dining hall at dinner, wondering if he should take some food up for lily, or if she just wanted to be left alone. That's when he spotted her walking into the dining hall. He honestly hadn't expected her to come down for dinner. He hadn't expected her hair to be practically gone either. The hair that once fell in waves half way down her back now curled just short of her shoulders. He supposed she had cut it herself, but it looked good. She pulled it off well.

James wanted to get up and walk to her, but he didn't want to draw any attention to her. He knew if she needed him she would come to him. Maybe. He could never tell with lily. Sometimes she was an open book, not caring who knew what she was feeling, but other times she was closed and quiet and james couldn't figure out what she was thinking for the life of him.

Lily sat down next to alice and he saw Alice put an arm around her. Lily leaned in to her for a moment before breaking away. Lily wasn't really one for tons of physical contact.

"I hope she's alright." peter mused. They had filled him in earlier about everything that had happened.

"How can she be, pete? I mean, i can't say i would be too broken up if my own dad died but, i imagine it's pretty horrible for people with half-decent parents." sirius chimed in, reaching for the pumpkin juice.

The dinner conversation continued, and james chimed in here and there, but all he really wanted to do was talk to lily. He wanted to be with her and know she was alright.

It seemed to be forever until lily stood from the dinner table after eating practically nothing to return to her dorm. James waited a few minutes before he himself went to follow her.

"Sure that's a good idea, mate?" sirius asked him as james began to walk away

"No." was james's only answer. He wasn't sure she wanted to see him, she probably didn't, but he had to see her. It was selfish but he had to try.

James climbed the stairs up to the gryffindor tower, wishing he had eaten more downstairs. He was kind of always hungry. It was pretty annoying. He attributed it to the fact that he played quidditch so much, but he had been like this before he even touched a broom. That's why he used to be fat. Even if he didn't play quidditch, there's no way james could be fat now, what with all the stairs it took to get up to the gryffindor tower. It was kind of a pain, but oh well.

James walked over to the bottom of the girl's stairway and muttered the spell under his breath before beginning to walk up the stairs.

"Hey!" he turned around to see a first year girl with bright yellow, bushy hair standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"You can't go up there!" she accused, putting her hands on her hips.

"It's okay-"

"What it is, is _not allowed_." she furrowed her brow and james would have laughed if he wasn't actually a little intimidated by her

"I'm head boy. I can go up there."

"the rules say nothing about there being an exception for head boy."

"Yes well, there are new rules."

"No there aren't. If there were i would know."

"Of course you would." james muttered "listen," he continued "my friend needs me for something, so if you don't mind, i've got to go." he turned to go up the stairs again.

"Your friend needs you?" very accusatory tone. James stopped and turned around again, only a few steps up

" _Yes_." good grief, you would have thought she was in charge here and not the other way around.

"For sex?" james would have definitely spit if there had been anything his his mouth.

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me. Are you going to have sex up there? Because i'll tell on you."

"No. my friend is hurt."

"Then she should be in the hospital wing with madam pomfrey."

"No." james leaned down and pointed at his heart "she's hurt in here." very demeaning tone. Maybe this little girl would get the point and leave him the hell alone.

"Well damn, so am i, but you don't see me asking people to break the rules for me, do you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Okay, well, as great as this conversation has been, i have to go now."

"fucking prick." he heard her mutter as he neared the top of the stairs. Who even was she? Good grief.

James walked down the hall and over to lily's dorm room. The door was open. James peered in to see lily sitting on the floor, her head against the foot of her bed. A few tears were sitting on her face. James knocked lightly on the door frame before walking into the room. Lily ignored him at first, staring at the ground. He sat down across from her, not saying anything.

"Go away, james."

"What?"

"Go away. I don't need you right now." she was still staring at the floor, unmoving.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice breaking in a very embarrassing way. She raised her head and looked him straight in the eye.

" _Go. away._ "

"Okay." james stood quietly and walked towards the door. Just as he was about to leave he turned around

"Lily, if you-"

"Get out!" lily yelled, throwing a nearby textbook at him. James just barely dodged it and turned, looking at her stunned. He didn't move until she reached over and grabbed another book. He turned and sprinted down the hall and back down the stairs. The yellow haired girl was sitting at the bottom.

"Can't say i didn't warn you." she trilled in a singsong voice

"Fuck off." james walked straight past her and up the stairs into his own dorm. He sat down on his bed hard and he didn't know why, but he began to cry. And he just couldn't stop. So james potter sat on his bed, consumed by meaningless tears until he finally fell asleep.


	40. Chapter 40

The next week or so passed in what seemed to be a blur in slow motion. Lily was aware that made almost no sense but it was the best way to describe it. Each moment seemed to take forever while she was in it, but as soon as it passed it seemed like it had just been a flash.

Lily was annoyed at herself because despite the fact that her father had died and she could barely cope with it, she had hardwired her brain over the last six years to keep to such a strict studying schedule that she still kept following it. It was unintentional most of the time, but when she tried to just let go and forget about it she was overcome by a strange sort of guilt and eventually just sauntered off to get her studying materials anyway.

It was friday night and lily was both glad and upset. She was glad because she had no homework or studying to do over the weekend and could just relax, but she was upset because that meant there would be nothing to distract her but her head duties, which only took place at night.

A couple days ago she had finally apologized to james for yelling at him… and throwing a book at his head. She hadn't actually intended to hit him, she had just wanted him to leave. She told him as much and he seemed to understand, but she still felt bad. She told herself not to because she had the right to be a bit of a bitch right now, but her conscience was still winning that fight.

Lily had just dropped off her bag in her dorm room and was now headed to meet james for their rounds, which she actually quite enjoyed. That was another thing. Lily's father had died only a week ago and lily was already enjoying things again. Was that normal? What would he think if he knew?

Lily's philosophical train of thought was halted when she saw james.

"Hey." she greeted, forcing a small smile onto her face. She was getting better at that.

"Hey." he smiled back "how was your day?" normally someone would probably get offended by the question, considering the timing and all, but lily was glad he was treating her like nothing was really wrong. It helped her forget and feel like her life could be normal again.

"Not the worst." she said. She had obviously still been off, but altogether it had been kind of nice. She gotten top marks on a potions test and none of the teachers had given out any homework.

"How did you do on that test slughorn gave out?" she asked him

"Not too bad. I got an E, at least."

"Hey that's good!" she congratulated him

"What did you get?"

"An O," she flipped her short hair dramatically "obviously." james laughed

"I don't know why i even asked."

"Don't let the confident demeanor, good looks, and impeccable vocabulary fool you, potter. I've gotten my fair share of A's over the years. Even a D one time."

"No." he gasped in mock horror

"Yes." she nodded "second year. Transfiguration test. I forgot we had it because a certain potter boy had kept pulling on my hair every time i went to write it down. So i never studied."

"My, my, evans didn't study for a test. I never thought i'd hear such a thing."

"You know technically, that wasn't even my fault."

"Now, don't go blaming others for your actions. How was i to resist? I mean, when the prettiest girl in all of hogwarts is sitting right in front of you and her hair just keeps smelling like peaches, what is a young boy to do?"

"I don't know. Maybe, not pull on her hair?" james rubbed his chin, faking thought for a moment

"No." he finally concluded "not possible. See," he gently grabbed her wrist so she stopped walking and faced him "those were back in the days before i could do this." james brought his lips down to hers for just a moment, running one hand through her hair as he did so. It felt odd when he ran it through her hair like he always did and the feeling stopped almost immediately because of her hair length.

"Well," lily chided playfully after they broke apart "maybe you just should have done that sooner." she began to walk off down the hall again

"Oi!" he called after her "if i had done that sooner you would have hexed me to look like a toad for a month!" he was right.

"That's fair." she conceded as he jogged to catch up with her. It only took a second. His legs were much longer than hers.

"So." she turned to him "how's quidditch going. I know the first match is only next weekend. Do you think the team is ready?"

"I think we stand a fair chance. The team is really getting much better. They kind of hate me because of all the drills i've been putting them through, but they don't _really_ hate me because they all know they're paying off."

"Who do you think is the best on the team?"

"I can't tell you that! I'm the captain, i have to be completely impartial." he put his chin in the air dramatically, but the facade only lasted a second "definitely lisa flench. No question. Best beater we've had in years."

"How old is she? I don't think i know who that is." lily was fairly observant and at least knew the names of most of the students at hogwarts (except the first years) so she was confused to hear a name she didn't recognize.

"She's a third year, and she's bloody brilliant." james exclaimed and lily smiled. She loved to see him so happy

"Well, i'm excited to see her play then." lily looked over at james, who was looking at her with a big, goofy grin on his face.

"What?" she asked him. The grin remained

"I have the coolest girlfriend in the whole world."


	41. Chapter 41

James was happy to see lily returning to normal. It had only been a couple weeks since her dad had died but she had taken some time by herself and was learning to smile again. Today was the day of the first quidditch match of the year. They were playing ravenclaw and james thought they had a good chance to win. Ravenclaw was usually good, but their team this year was a little off. Truth was, it could still be anyone's game because although almost the entirety of the gryffindor team was better, ravenclaw had the better seeker.

James had just left breakfast in the great hall and was walking into the equipment room by the quidditch pitch. Most of the team was already there.

"You guys nervous?" james asked as he began to grab his padding off the shelves. About half the team was playing a match for their first time today. James's question was met with nods all around.

"Don't worry," he gave them a smile "you'll do great. I have faith in all of you." it was a cheesy thing to say, but based on their faces it helped.

"What if we lose?" asked jordan, the keeper

"We won't loose." james grabbed his broom off the wall

"But what if we do?"

"Then you'll all know what to do better next season." he smiled again but the thought that he was leaving the quidditch team after this season, and they very well could lose this match made him nostalgic and actually quite sad.

"But you won't be here next season." lisa piped up from the back of the room.

"No. i won't." he agreed "so make me proud today." they looked at him unimpressed.

"We'll miss you." lisa added sadly.

"I'll miss you all, too." james looked at his team nodding all around the room. "But come on, We haven't lost yet! Let's get out there and make ravenclaw cry!"

…[...[]...]...

It was a pretty close match. Right now gryffindor was winning sixty to forty. Thank god for lisa. James had seen her knock bludgers away from pretty much every other team member, and had once sent one flying back towards the ravenclaw team so hard it knocked two of their players off their brooms at once. She was an extremely short little thing, but you should definitely not underestimate her. She was a pure powerhouse.

James flew across the field, leaning down low on his broom to gain more speed. Julie smithton from ravenclaw had the quaffle and she was about to throw it towards the gryffindor hoop. James flew off to the side and turned around, speeding in between julie and the hoop. She threw it and james leaned even further over, trying to go fast enough to intercept it. he reached out, trying to catch it. Just a little further… he reached out more and grabbed it, nearly falling off his broom in the process. Half the crowd cheered and the other half booed. Either way there was a lot of noise.

"James potter intercepts the quaffle. Maybe he should have been a keeper after all!" the commentator, Dorsal Lewis said as his voice echoed over the field.

"The question is, has anybody spotted the snitch yet?" the question piked his curiosity and james glanced around the field. He actually spotted the snitch fluttering beneath the ravenclaw hoops. James rose higher in the air on his broom and sped over to dennis, the seeker.

"Dennis!" he called, trying to not be overheard by the ravenclaw seeker. He pointed down towards the ravenclaw hoops. Dennis spotted the snitch immediately and dove towards it. Unfortunately, ravenclaw's seeker saw him dive for it and went after it to.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" bellowed Dorsal "our wishes, hopes, and prayers are coming true! i believe the snitch has been spotted by not one team- but two! Both seekers are neck to neck for it! Who will get it, who will get it? Oh! Nobody! The snitch has taken off again and they've lost it, boys and girls, they've lost it!"

James cursed under his breath and turned around on his broom, forgetting about the snitch and going for the quaffle again. He needed to focus.

…[...[]...]...

"Gryffindor wins!" the final announcement rung and the gryffindor team soared towards the ground. All the ravenclaw booing was drowned out by the screaming gryffindors.

"We did it!" lisa yelled, dropping her broom. Before james knew it she ran over to him and wrapped her arms around him, almost knocking him off his feet. He laughed and hugged her back.

Congratulations were yelled, hands clapped his shoulders and the team jumping around him made it all a blur of red and gold.

There was a party up in the common room that night. Being head boy, james could shut it down if he wanted but he didn't see the harm. It was a saturday night. Besides, how many parties in the common room had he himself started?

Technically he didn't actually have proof there was a party happening in the common room right now, but james hadn't been a part of gryffindor for seven years to not know when they would throw a party.

Right now james was with lily, walking back from the quidditch pitch. A few students were still mulling about, making their way towards the castle. Mainly just seventh years who were past the point of caring about getting in trouble and first years that wanted to prove they were cool.

James and lily walked in a comfortable silence. As they went lily slipped her hand into his. He rubbed circles on the back of her hand. As they went towards the dormitories lily broke the silence.

"I don't want to go back to the common room."

"Well, where do you want to go?" james chuckled. They didn't have many options.

"Follow me." lily smirked at him and led him to a wall.

"Wow. this is great, lily. I have to say, i'm inspired."

"Wait." was all she said. a few seconds later the wall began to morph until there was a small wooden door in it.

"Come on." she pulled him through it and when she shut it behind him it vanished again.

"Huh. well that's a good trick."

"Oh, shut up." she laughed and walked over to a large bookshelf on the wall.

"How did we not know about this place?" he mused to himself, walking over to join her in front of the book shelf.

"I don't know who 'we' is. Clearly i knew about it." lily quipped, tossing some of her hair back. It was too short to actually go over her shoulder but it was quite bouncy now.

"What is this place?"

"Whatever you want it to be." she plucked a book off the shelf and walked over to a corner of the room stuffed with pillows and blankets. "It's called the room of requirement." she continued "it'll be there when you need it."

"That's… nifty." james ran his finger along the spines of the books on the shelves and picked one that looked interesting.

"Well, well, well. the infamous james potter can read. Who knew."

"I don't know who 'we' is," he mocked, going to sit down next to her "clearly i knew."

Lily stuck her tongue out at him and james grabbed a pillow.

The two of them sat like that, just reading, for hours. Eventually, lily curled up and put her head on his lap and both of them, without realizing it, fell asleep like that. Lily sleeping peacefully for the first time since her dad had died and james stroking her hair.


	42. Chapter 42

Lily woke up first, deeming that the best night of rest she'd had in months, actually. Then she realized where she was. She looked around and took in the familiar book shelves lining the walls and the writing desk in the corner opposite the one she was in now. She then looked down just to make sure. Yup. pastel blankets and a fuzzy bean bag pillow. She had never gone up to her dormitory and neither had james. They had never done their rounds last night. They had slept together. Ah _fuck_. I mean, they hadn't done anything to be worried about but that didn't mean people wouldn't talk. James had been after her for seven years and then they disappeared together all night. Oh merlin, this was bad.

"James!" lily hissed, shaking james's shoulder "james!"

"What?" he woke up almost instantly "What is it?"

"We were here all night!" she hissed again, not sure why she was whispering, but she couldn't stop all the same. James sat up and looked around before taking his glasses off and putting his head in his hands. He groaned, running a hand through his hair, per his usual nervous habit.

"We forgot our head duties." he mumbled into his hand

"Fuck that, james, do you know what people must be talking about right now? The two of us disappeared last night together and haven't been seen since. I don't know if that means anything to you but the rest of the world is probably going to draw certain conclusions. Oh, merlin, it was after you guys won the quidditch match too. _Great_. Just great."

"Who cares?" he rubbed his eyes and put his glasses back on, blinking a few times.

"Who cares?" she couldn't believe him. lily stood up and began pacing " _i_ care. I mean, what would you do if people were spreading lies like that about you around the school? I mean, i guess we're about to find out."

"Lily, love, people _have_ been spreading lies like that about me around the school. For years, actually."

"Lies?" lily stopped pacing "you mean you never…" i trailed off, not sure how to finish the rest of the question. Well this was an awkward situation she had just gotten herself into.

"No." he shook his head "never."

"Then where did all that come from?"

"Happened after i broke up with janice Maloby over the summer in fourth year. You see… i broke up with her by owl and she wasn't very happy about it. Before i knew it when i got back to school that year everyone had either come up with the theory, or janice had told them that we broke up because i cheated on her. A lot. They were… very graphic when they talked about it."

"Where was i when all this happened?" i mused, putting my hand to my head and becoming suddenly aware that my hair must be a state. I tried to inconspicuously calm it with my fingers. I couldn't see it but i was sure it wasn't working.

"Probably off somewhere with your nose in a book."

"Okay, let's forget about that for a moment, you broke up with her _by owl_?"

"Okay, okay, not my brightest moment but you remember me at fifteen-" lily snorted. Loudly. "what's that supposed to mean?" lily simply stared at him with one eyebrow raised "okay fine. I was not the greatest at fifteen and that break up was certainly not the best thing i've ever done." she was silent for a minute after he said this. then

"James," lily looked at him "promise you'll never break up with me by owl." she tried to say it lightly, but she was so serious, and she knew he could tell.

"Lily," james stood up and walked over to her "i'll do you one better. If we break up, i promise i won't be the one to end it."

"You're ready to promise that?" lily was a bit thrown off by his sudden commitment to her

"I've been ready to promise that for years, lils, i just know you haven't been ready to hear it."

"How do you know i'm ready now?" she was genuinely curious

"I don't," james gave a nervous chuckle and ran his hand through his hair again "i was just hoping you wouldn't get all scared and run off. It took so long for… for this to happen and i don't want to say anything to lose you." he was looking down at his shoes that were still on his feet from last night and lily almost laughed at how nervous he was.

"James potter, i am a gryffindor. It takes a little more than that to scare me. So how about i level the playing field." he was still staring down at his shoes, but she knew he was listening "if we break up, i promise i won't be the one to end it either." it took a minute but james slowly looked up. His face broke into a grin he looked as if he was trying to suppress but couldn't

"You know what that means, don't you?" he asked

"Tell me." lily prompted, feeling a playful smile creep its way onto her own face.

"It means if neither of us is never going to end it…" he rose his hands in the air next to his face "we can't ever break up." he wiggled his fingers, doing jazz hands. Lily laughed.

"No." she clarified "it means sirius will be the one to break us up." she watched as he slowly lowered his jazz hands.

"Bloody hell. That prick, he'd better not."


	43. Chapter 43

James walked into the great hall and felt a couple heads turn to look at him. I mean, he didn't actually feel them turn to look at him. That would be creepy. He saw them. Did people have nothing better to do than spread rumors? The walk to his seat seemed to take so long he almost sat down at a random empty seat at the hufflepuff table. Then he realized that would be way more awkward and he should keep walking. Finally he reached the gryffindor table where the other marauders were. As he was sitting down he heard a whistle aimed at him. He just sighed and shook his head.

"Mate." sirius whined "what did you do last night? Where did you goooo?" he ran his hand up james's arm

"Relax, padfoot. Nothing special happened." james said brushing his hand off.

"You mean…" he wiggled his eyebrows around rather ridiculously " _nothing_ happened."

"No! I mean, yes. just what i said, _nothing happened_."

"Why couldn't we see you on the map last night?" remus leaned forward across the table.

"You couldn't?"

"No!" peter exclaimed "we were worried something happened to you!"

"I wasn't," sirius clarified "i just thought you two were doin' it." he smirked and popped a piece of biscuit in his mouth.

"Well we weren't." james grabbed his plate and began piling eggs onto it.

" _Pssssst. Pssssssssssssst!"_ came an insistent whisper from who knows where. james turned around looking for the source of the sound

" _James!_ " the voice was familiar

"Alice?"

" _Yes!"_ he looked and saw alice leaning back on her bench glaring at him " _get over here!"_ she waved at him frantically. He shook his head at her and mouthed no insistently.

" _James potter get your arse over here!_ " james sighed and walked over to where alice sat with marlene. Alice may be quiet, but she was not to be trifled with.

"Where did you and lily go last night!"

"I just-"

"Sit down!" she demanded, scooting over and pulling him down onto the bench next to her with surprising strength.

"Why are you whispering?" he asked

"I- i don't know! Now, where did you go? Tell me."

"We just fell asleep. Nothing happened!" james insisted

"Fell asleep where!" hissed marlene

"Geesh, marlene, don't get your panties in a twist. Just an old hallway. And stop whispering. It's creeping me out." it was kind of a lie but he didn't think lily would want anybody to know about the room of requirement. Besides, he didn't feel like explaining it right now anyway.

"Likely story." marlene insisted

"It's true!"

"Wait, you're serious?" alice asked

"No, i'm just messing with you, alice, _of course i'm serious._ "

"Oh. sorry then."

"Did you have a good time?" marlene leaned across the table, giving him a cheeky smile.

"Bye, marlene." he waved and went back to his seat. He finally picked up his fork and began eating his massive pile of eggs. A minute later lily walked in. she had insisted that the two of them leave a few minutes apart. James said it wouldn't do any good but he didn't feel like arguing with her when her mind was made up. It was extremely useless. So he left first.

Lily walked past the hufflepuff table and a sixth year boy tried to smack her butt as she walked by. James was about to get up and say something, when without even looking at him lily reached down and shoved his face in the rather messy plate of food he was eating. It splattered everywhere, getting brown goo on the surrounding hufflepuffs alone. James laughed. He was afraid someone from the teacher's table had seen and looked towards them. They were all preoccupied with either grading homework or engaged in conversation. None of them showed any sign that they'd seen it, except mcgonagall, who was staring down intently at her breakfast and james thought he saw her trying to suppress a smile.

…[...[]...]...

"Lily!" marlene cried as soon as lily sat down "what happened last night?"

"Marlene! james already told us." alice scolded her

"Yeah but i don't think i believe him." marlene sighed, putting her chin in her hands.

"Well he was telling you the truth." lily nodded solemnly, reaching for a breakfast plate "wait." she stopped herself "that depends on what he told you. What did he tell you?"

"He said you fell asleep in some hallway." marlene whined "laaaame if you ask me."

Lily tried not to show her relief at the fact that james hadn't told them about the room of requirement. It was just something she wanted to keep secret for now. I mean, she was sure she wasn't the only student who knew about it. She had never run into any other student in that abandoned hallway, and that was good enough for her.

"So," marlene spoke through a mouthful of some food lily honestly couldn't identify "when are you two gonna do it."

"Marlene!" alice smacked her full in the face "oh, i'm sorry!" she exclaimed "i mean, i'm not actually that sorry, but i feel like i should apologize. I meant to hit your arm, but at the same time i feel like you deserved that."

"Thanks alice." lily laughed "and marlene, no. just no."

"It's not that bad of a question." marlene defended, rubbing her cheek, that had a handprint on it because of how hard alice had actually slapped her.

"Okay, marlene." lily decided "when are you and your boyfriend gonna do it. What's his name? Jon doe-sn't exist." lily raised her hand to high five alice.

"No." alice just shook her head "that does not deserve a high five."

"Yeah, lily that was bad."

"Shut up, marlene. I'll slap you again."


	44. Chapter 44

James woke up with the other marauders in their dorm that monday morning. Peter was already up, struggling with an essay by the looks of it. Sirius was hanging off the side of his bed, his hair surrounding his head in a very messy nest. James wasn't surprised to be up before remus. Tonight was the full moon and he had been steadily growing worse. Last night james had caught him throwing up in the bathroom. He couldn't imagine what it was like. Living with the fact that every month you feel sick and tired. Like clockwork. Wondering who you'll hurt this time. Wondering what you'll even remember. It must be terrible.

Remus gave an appropriate groan from his bed where he was buried under a pile of blankets so thick james could barely see his body. James gave a responding groan and slid off his bed. He cringed when his feet touched the floor. It was too cold for this nonsense, and since it was only mid october it would only get colder. Ugh.

James padded off the the bathroom to brush his teeth and get dressed and all that. When he emerged peter was gone. Probably off to find lily to ask for essay help. Sirius was rubbing his eyes but showed no signs of actually getting up and remus was still asleep.

"Moooony." james stood and walked over to his bed "moony. It's time to learn some stuff." he poked remus in the side through all the blankets. Remus groaned

"Three… two…" he counted down "moony, you know how this works." another groan

"one." james finished and pulled all the blankets off the bed and let them fall to the floor.

" _Noo_." was remus's only response as he curled up on the empty mattress.

"Wakey, wakey, boys." james called to remus and sirius as he walked out the door.

…[...[]...]...

And in all, it was a pretty boring day. History of magic, transfiguration, potions, blah, blah, blah. All that necessary nonsense. James tried to take notes, he really did, but he could only do it through the first half of his classes. After lunch he lost his focus and just doodled on all his parchment. He was a bit distracted by the full moon and all. He would have to drop out of his head duties tonight and lily would undoubtedly ask why. He wasn't exactly sure why he hadn't told her yet. He just could never seem to muster the courage. Some gryffindor he was.

What if things changed between them when lily found out he was an animagi? What if it scared her or she got creeped out? What if it changed things between her and remus? He couldn't do that to them. They'd been friends for so long.

James walked up the stairs to the gryffindor dormitory. He had made a deal with himself that if lily was there the moment he walked in he would tell her, and if she wasn't he wouldn't. Simple, really.

He took a deep breath and breathed the password to the painting of the fat lady. It swung open and he scanned the room quickly. It didn't take long for him to catch sight of her dark red hair blending in with the flames over by the fireplace. He walked over and sat in front of her chair, taking the old snitch he'd kept since fifth year out of his pocket. A nervous habit. He toyed with it a bit, not sure how to start. Thankfully, lily did for him.

"Well, hello to you too." she said, nudging his knee with her foot. He relished the touch.

"Can we go somewhere? To talk?" he closed the snitch in his fist and looked up at her.

"Sure." she nodded and set her books aside.

A few minutes later james and lily stood in the middle of an empty hallway. James had pocketed the snitch as they walked.

"So," lily prompted again "what did you want to talk to me about? Is this because it's the full moon?"

"What? What do you mean? What does the full moon have to do with anything?"

"James, please. i've known remus is a werewolf since the beginning of second year. Frankly, i'm surprised it took me so long." she casually brushed a piece of hair behind her ear

"What?" james wasn't necessarily thrown off by the fact that she knew, but he was thrown of by how nonchalant she was being about it.

"I mean, really, james. How dense did you think i was?"

"I mean, i just assumed you didn't know. You never treated him any differently."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Not that i think you, specifically, would," james hurried to remedy the situation "that's just how people act around him if they know. Even his parents."

"Well, i'm sorry about that, but-" she sighed "doesn't matter i don't guess. Why are you telling me now?"

"Because i'm going to have to miss out on head duties tonight."

"Wait- james. You aren't going out there with him, are you?"

"That's part two." james ran a hand through his hair "peter and sirius and i- well," he wasn't exactly sure how to say it. "When we learned that about him we knew we had to do something. And, i mean, we couldn't exactly stop him from turning so we… joined him? No. that's wrong. That makes it sound like we're werewolves-"

"You're animagi, aren't you?" lily interrupted him

"How did you know?"

"I've had my suspicions for a while, i just wasn't sure. But, james, you can't honestly tell me that you're with him when he turns?"

"What else are we supposed to do, lily?" she surprised him by breaking out into laughter

"Of course." she sighed "of course you three would think up a solution that dangerous and stupid."

"Well we can't let him go out alone!" james protested

"You could get hurt! James, you could be killed!"

"No." james shook his head "remus wouldn't."

"But james, he's not remus when he turns. He can't think right. He's not himself."

"He takes a potion, lily. A potion slughorn prepares for him. It helps him control it." lily only shook her head

"I don't like it, james. I don't like the idea of any of you getting hurt."

"And i don't like the idea of remus being out there alone! He hurts himself, lily, and he can't bloody help it! He needs us! You don't see him when he turns back. He can hardly move it hurts so bad! You don't understand how helpless we feel to know that all we can do about it is be with him! And it took years. We couldn't transform until fifth year. That's _ten years_ he had to do it alone. And, lily, i can't let him do it alone anymore. I can't."

"What if he hurts you james? What happens then?" james gave a dry laugh

"He has, lily. And it's been fine. It's no big deal!"

"What do you mean, james? When did he hurt you?"

"Here." james lifted up the side of his shirt to reveal a long, thin scar that went over his hip "and here." he pulled down his sleeve to show an even smaller one on his shoulder "and here." he pushed his hair back to show a stubby, thick one on the top of his forehead

"And i'd rather have a thousand more scars than have him be out there alone." lily only slowly reached forward, and brushed a thumb over the scar on his shoulder. She took her other and felt the scar on his hip. She then wrapped both hands around him, holding him close to her. Then she whispered something into his shirt with a breathy laugh

"For merlin's sake, james. _Please be careful_."


	45. Chapter 45

Lily felt strange walking the halls by herself that night. She missed james's step beside hers, she missed hearing someone else's breathing. He made her feel safe. And that was something she desperately needed right about now. She got it, though. She got why he had to go out there with remus. Remus was in pain and james was just trying to make that pain a little better. That didn't stop her from worrying. She wanted to know that he was alright- that they were all alright. Of course she cared about the other marauders too. Sirius and remus and peter, they were some of her closest friends. She loved them like family, and they were certainly nicer to her than her own sibling was.

Lily was thinking about how lonely these halls seemed when she stopped. Something was different. She heard someone breathing down at the end of the hall. That was a very paranoid thing to think, but lily had nothing if not her good hearing. She tried to subtly pull out her wand as she kept walking. Her heart skipped when she almost dropped it, but she caught herself. She gripped it tightly through white knuckles and forced herself to turn around, raising it to dueling height as she did so.

She lowered her wand a bit when she saw who it was. It was a sixth year gryffindor boy. She didn't know his name but she recognized him. He had tried out for the quidditch team but james had sent him away. Said he focused more on brute strength than actual skill. Either way, he had been nice enough about the rejection.

"What are you doing down here?" she asked, trying to keep her echoing voice steady. These halls were creepily quiet at night. They were too big without the students filling them.

"It's past curfew." she said

"Is it?" he walked closer to her and she lowered her wand, but tightened her grip on it "guess i just got lost in thought." he looked around them, as if just seeing where he was

"Well, that's nice and all," she concluded "but you're still out past curfew, and believe me when i say i would hate to have to dock your house points for it."

" _Rewr_ ," he made a cat noise and walked past her "relax evans." he turned around and smirked at her. This put lily on edge. No one had ever called her evans except james, and their smirks were remarkably similar, except the fact that this boy's lacked the casual suaveness james's had. It had the air of trying too hard.

"Okay, buddy, whatever you're trying to pull, i'm not interested in, so pack up and head back to your dorm before i dock house points."

"I'm sorry," he lowered his head "it's just that…" he looked back up and lily was surprised to see that he had tears in his eyes "it's all been so hard, you know?" was he serious?

"Listen, i can appreciate that." lily tried a more sensitive approach. "Really, i can. But if you want sympathy i promise i am not the person you want to talk to." lily was good at listening and giving advice when asked, but never sympathy.

"That's what they all say." he stifled a sob and sat down with his back against the wall. She had to hand it to him, if he was acting he was pretty convincing. Lily heaved a heavy sigh and sat down next to him.

"If i talk to you, will you go back to your dorm?"

"Oh, yes." he nodded gratefully. Lily sighed again.

"Okay, so lay it on me."

"Well, it's my father." lily's stomach clenched with familiarity "he's sick. They don't know what with but they don't think he'll make it."

"I really am sorry about that." lily nodded "i know what it's like."

"Oh yeah, your dad- i'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No," lily stopped him "it's okay."

"Really? Oh, thank you. I haven't had anyone to talk to."

"No problem." she nodded

"I don't really need to talk though. I've just been looking for a distraction." lily nodded. She understood that "my wand broke last month, too." he stated sadly "i had to get a new one. This one doesn't work as well, though." he pointed it at the wall and pitiful sparks flew out of the end. "Not so great, huh?" he gave a sad chuckle "this one's maple wood. My last one was cedar. I liked the cedar better. Looked nicer. What've you got?"

"Willow." she rolled her wand in her hand

"Can i see it?" he asked. She would have said no, but he just kind of reached over and took it from her.

"Very nice." he smiled as he observed it. He leaned in to hand it back, but instead of giving her her wand, he kissed her instead.

It took lily a second to realize what was happening. When she did she was not very happy with it. She put both hands on his chest and pushed him backwards.

"What do you think you're doing?" lily yelled at him, instinctively wiping her mouth with the back of her sleeve.

"I'm sorry, i just thought-"

"You thought wrong!" lily stood up and began to storm down the hall before she realized he still had her wand. She turned around to demand it from him but as soon as she turned him hands were pressing her to him and he was kissing her again. She tried to push him back but she was at a strong disadvantage here. She began to panic when she felt his hand start to slide up her shirt. Lily did not let him get very far. She tried to bring her knee up between his legs but they were too close together. So instead she bit his lip. Hard. she felt blood trickle into her mouth as he pulled back.

"You cunt!" he yelled and lily swiped her wand from between his fingers while he was distracted.

"Furnunculus!" lily yelled, a little upset that her breath shook on the way out. Almost immediately painful red boils began to appear on his body.

"The fucking- agh!- hell- is this?" he collapsed on the ground, scratching and popping the boils on his skin. Blood and pus made little puddles on his body. For a moment lily almost felt sorry for him. Then she had to reach to pull her shirt back down.

"Be glad that's all i did." lily seethed. She had considered the cruciatus curse, but no. she had felt that. And she wouldn't wish it on anyone but voldemort himself. She turned and began to walk back to her dorm, shaking the whole time. When she got back she brushed off marlene, alice, and mary. They were still up talking about who knows what. It didn't matter. Lily simply changed, crawled into bed and stared at the wall not quite comprehending. She didn't let the tears fall until after the rest of them had gone to bed, wondering why it had to be her.


	46. Chapter 46

The full moon was always bittersweet. James loved the feeling of the wind and the grass around him as he ran faster than even his broomstick could go. Sirius and remus ran beside him, and james could sense peter scurrying along beneath them.

Remus could almost fully control it tonight. He had been liberal about taking his potion.

James kept pace with sirius, as he ran towards the forbidden forest. They didn't go there every month, but they went often enough. They knew their way around and successfully avoided the spiders and the centaurs pretty much all the time. Honestly, at this point they were probably just so used to them they didn't care, so long as the marauders didn't bother them.

James felt a light tickling and knew peter had climbed on his back. He sometimes did that when his little legs could hardly keep up.

James felt the leaves crunch under them as they reached the trees. They wound through the foliage and jumped over fallen logs. Peter squeaked on his back and nearly fell off when james's back when he lept over a creek. The three of them, and peter by extension, slowed to a stop.

They couldn't exactly talk in their usual english while the were in these forms, but they could somehow understand each other all the same.

They were just taking a moment before they began running again, then they heard someone else coming.

Do you hear that? James turned to sirius. Sirius took a second and listened before agreeing.

Yeah. someone's here. Definitely not an animal.

Remus gave a small jerk of his head towards where the sound of the footsteps were coming from. Peter scuttled off james's back and ran up next to sirius's paws. The four of them walked slowly towards it, listening carefully.

The footsteps stopped. Sirius put his nose in the air and walked towards where the scent seemed to be coming from. James followed him, and remus and peter followed him. The scent smelled familiar, but james couldn't quite place who it was.

The four of them kept going, quietly, waiting to see who it was. As he heard them grow closer sirius halted to a stop and the rest of them followed. James laid down in an attempt to be less noticeable and the rest of them did the same, except peter, who was small enough for it to not make a difference. And they waited. The footsteps grew closer into the clearing and out stepped lucius, followed by snape. Great. His two favorite people.

"The ministry of magic, lucius?" snape sneered, stopping him in the middle of the clearing.

"Yes, severus. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Why now? There's no real reason to."

"People are forgetting. They're not fearful enough. The dark lord wants to remind them."

"They are not afraid enough? Students are still getting pulled out of school every day."

"Are you questioning him, lucius? Questioning voldemort?"

"No, no." snape shook his head "never."

"Good." lucius said curtly. The two of them were standing nearly nose to nose in the clearing.

"Friday night. Five o'clock. That's when it'll be the busiest. That's when the most people are working."

"Alright." snape nodded once "i'll make sure to get there."

"If you want to, severus. If not it's no skin off my back. I'd love to see what he'll do to you if you don't show."

"I'll be there." snape repeated and lucius turned to walk off.

"Use the usual passage." he yelled over his shoulder. Snape stood there for a moment before stalking off after him out of the forest. James nudged remus with his nose and stood up. The rest of the marauders followed.

James started walking and then broke into a run, the rest of them trailing behind him. James headed for the shrieking shack.

The four of them headed for the largest room in the house. By the look of the sky it would probably be dawn in an hour or two and remus would shift back but james couldn't wait. He shifted, flinching at the tightening in his gut and the way it made his head spin. Sirius and peter also shifted back and sirius shot an apologetic glance over at remus, who had to stay in his animal form for now.

"What the hell are we going to do?" were the first words out of sirius's mouth when he shifted.

"No idea." peter shook his head.

"Well, we have to stop them, don't we?" james asked even though it wasn't even a question. They had to stop them.

"How?" sirius asked

"We have to go there don't we." peter groaned "we have to try and stop them. We have to."

"As much as i hate to say it," sirius pulled his hair back into a bun like he did when he was stressed or thinking "peter's right, isn't he?"

"Yeah," james sighed, running a hand through his own hair.

…[...[]...]...

That night james toiled with the idea of telling lily about the ministry. On the one hand she had been having a bitch of a time lately and he knew she still cared about severus, even if he was a slur-using arsehole. They had been friends for long enough she was still hurt by losing him. Part of james grew jealous when he thought of him, then he realized that was ridiculous.

The other bad side of telling her was she'd demand to go with them and james couldn't stand the thought of what they'd do to her. He couldn't stand the thought of her being in danger like that.

But on the other hand… she deserved to know. Especially if james was going. If there was one piece of relationship advice james's father had drilled into him over the years it was that you couldn't keep secrets from each other. And james desperately needed lily. He could not screw this up. Plus, she was kind of a badass and could probably be helpful.

Goddammit. He had to tell her didn't he.

…[...[]...]...

Lily woke up just as dawn was breaking. She felt a hand poke her in the side and sat up fast, still thinking it must have been the boy from last night. She grabbed her wand off her nightstand and shoved it into his face, her heart beating out of her chest before she saw it was james.

"Bloody hell, evans!" he whispered, trying not to wake up her dorm mates "put that thing away before you take my eye out!"

"Sorry." lily said a little breathless, tucking her hair behind her ears. She lowered her wand and tried to calm her heart down.

"Can i talk to you for a minute?" he asked "in the common room?" lily nodded and shakily removed her covers and stood up. The two of them walked down and stopped in the middle of the darkened room.

"Lumos." james whispered and his wand lit up, illuminating the portion of the room. Lily was suddenly very aware of her skimpy shorts and t-shirt. It was all she had clean. She was also very aware of the way she hadn't worked out in weeks and her stomach was sticking out a royal amount. She would pull her shirt down, but she would then be revealing something else, and that would cause a different problem.

"So," lily said, crossing her arms over as much of her chest as she could cover "why are we meeting in the common room at… what is it? Five AM?" she tried not to sound testy, but she was still a little shaken up from last night. She was trying not to think about it, but it kept edging its way into her brain. She felt a shiver go up her spine at the thought of his phantom hands trying to make their way up her shirt.

"Well…" james ran both hands through his hair and lily saw him fiddling with the deactivated snitch still in his pocket. Nervous habits. "i wasn't going to tell you, but i think-" he took a deep breath "i think, in an effort to be honest here i need to tell you."

"Okay." lily said, suddenly concerned. Her first thought was that he had cheated on her and she felt her stomach begin to sink.

"Sirius, remus, peter, and i were in the forbidden forest and we saw lucius and severus…"

Lily's stomach chilled in a different kind of way. So he hadn't cheated on her. That was relieving, but if he was saying something about severus that couldn't be good.

"And they were talking about voldemort." james continued and lily's fears about severus were confirmed

"They said there's going to be an attack on the ministry. Friday night at five… the other marauders and i are going to try and stop them." lily was shaking her head before he was even finished talking.

"No. no. i won't let you guys risk yourselves like that."

"Lily we have to," she shook her head again, but he kept going "we have to at least try. Lily." she couldn't stop shaking her head

"I'm going with you." she finally decided

"Lily, please." he sounded desperate "is there any way i can convince you to stay?"

"No." lily reached a hand up to his face "if you're going i'm going."

James closed his eyes and leaned into her hand "there's no way i can stop you, is there?"

Lily forced a small smile and stood up on her tip toes.

"Not a chance in hell." she pressed a small kiss to his lips "if you're going down i'm going down with you."


	47. Chapter 47

Friday afternoon came earlier than expected. The marauders and lily had been preparing, planning, and trying to rally other trustworthy students all week. So far they had the five of them, frank and alice, marlene, mary, hestia, dorcas, and a girl named molly prewett. Not a lot of people. They had been meeting for the past two days down by the lake during lunch, covering different dueling spells and telling them the plan.

And now it was time. The twelve of them walked down through a passage james had told them about. Lily had no idea how he had found it but now wasn't the time to ask questions. It was past four and they had to hurry to get to the ministry in time.

They reached the end of the passage and found that it led just out of the hogwarts grounds.

"Okay." james clapped his hands together "who here knows how to apparate?" lily was embarrassed by the fact she couldn't raise her hand. She hadn't passed the exam. About seven hands went up total. Good. more than half of them.

"Good." james nodded "everybody will have to pick a partner to do side-along apparation with, except two people, of course. They'll have to go alone."

The next few minutes were spent with people picking apparation partners. Lily paired with james, remus with sirius, peter with the girl named molly, frank with marlene, alice with mary, and dorcas and hestia would be going alone.

"On the count of three." frank said. the group counted and lily grabbed james's hand.

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three."

And lily felt a pulling at her navel, and her head spun as the sensation of being squeezed together swept her up.

Before she knew it she was released and they had landed outside the ministry of magic. They waited for the others to arrive. As soon as they were all there they walked in a loosely-knit group to the visitors entrance. It was used for giving tours and such. It was probably where the death eaters would be entering, since you couldn't apparate inside the ministry. Just like you couldn't apparate inside hogwarts.

Once inside they tried to look inconspicuous in the small crowd of people. It was almost four forty. Dorcas and mary stayed by the entrance door. Peter went off with molly to try and get people to leave any way they could. The less people in here the better. Thankfully, the two of them were good at being nosy and invading personal space when called for, and in the next ten minutes they had probably already gotten fifteen people to leave.

Shit. they only had ten minutes left. Lily stomach was doing backflips. Sirius and remus went off with hestia and frank to get as close to the employee's entrance as they could. They were going to try and keep the death eaters out of the rest of the ministry. The rest of them spread out. Before she and james separated lily grabbed james by the front of his shirt and kissed him. Hard. if she was going to die today she would not die without doing that first. She pulled back and james looked awestruck. She had never kissed him like that before.

"Listen," lily said, breathing hard "i love you, james potter. So don't die today, okay?" and she didn't give him a chance to respond before she ran off.

Four minutes.

Three.

Two.

One.

Five O'clock.

Five-o-one.

Maybe they were wrong- maybe they weren't coming-

 _BANG_

The door slammed open and screams of terror rang out at the sight of the dozens of death eaters in their cloaks and masks. Lily had to remind herself not to scream along with the rest of them.

They spread out through the room, pushing people down and firing spells off and random. No green lights yet, though. That meant they hadn't fired an unforgivable. Good. lily waited. She waited for one to get close to her. And then-

Lily held her wand low enough for it to be discrete and whispered the spell.

" _Baubillious_ " a white light shot out of the tip of her wand and hit the death eater, flooring him and actually knocking him out. Lily screamed for effect and looked around, as if looking for who had cast the spell. it worked. A death eater ran right past her and when he did

" _Confringo!_ "

Fire shot out of the end of her wand, hitting the death eater in the back and causing his robes to catch on fire. He screamed in pain and another death eater came over to put the flames out. Lily hexed them both and turned to run away, only when she began to run away she ran smack-dab into the chest of another death eater. She tried to pull her wand up but she wasn't fast enough. He grabbed her wrist and turned it painfully, and lily cried out, dropping her wand into his hand. He pocketed her wand and wrapped an arm around her middle, dragging her across the room to a growing pile of helpless wizards and their families.

Lily kicked and squirmed, but she couldn't manage to escape his grip. He was nearly twice her size.

He threw her down roughly with the others. Lily looked around and noticed gratefully that none of the rest of the group from hogwarts was there. They were still fighting. Lily looked up and saw duels happening all around the room. The twelve of them from hogwarts were putting up one hell of a fight but lily didn't think they could win. Then lily saw a green light and sucked her breath in. she knew which curse it was as soon as she heard the screams.

As soon as the screams stopped the limp body of hestia was dragged over with the rest of them. Lily ran to her and knelt on the ground beside her. She wasn't crying or shaking, just staring at nothing with an expression of pure torture. Lily knew how it felt. She sat next to her and whispered soothing words, rubbing circles on her back until she sat up.

"Are you alright?" lily asked quietly. Hestia simply gave a dull nod. Lily nodded back.

"So what now?" she asked after another few minutes.

"I don't know." lily admitted. They were surrounded by what must have been around ten death eaters guarding them.

Another scream and alice was pushed over with the rest of the victims.

"Alice, are you alright?" lily and hestia both asked. She had been hit with the conjunctivitis curse, by the looks of it. Scabs were growing by her eyes and alice moaned, pulling at them.

"Alice, no!" lily commanded, grabbing her hands. Picking at the scabs would only make them worse.

"I- i can't see." breathed alice in a panick.

"I know, i know." lily held her hands in her lap "it's okay. We'll get out of here, we'll fix this.

The fight raged on and in the next few minutes molly and peter were both thrown in with the rest of them. Death eaters were dropping too, but at a much lower rate than the hogwarts students.

"We need to do something." lily whispered as quietly as possible to the four of them.

"Like what?" peter asked "we're outnumbered two to one."

"And they took our wands." hestia added

"I know, i know." lily nodded. Then she had an idea.

"Follow my lead." lily said to the rest of them

"Wait- what?" peter asked

"Just do it!" lily urged before-

"Knight's armour!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. She knew the marauders would know what it meant. Fourth year they had been seen in the hall missing from class, and in order to cause a diversion to get away before they were assigned detention they had cast a spell on the suits of armour in the hall to make them dance. They had run away while the teachers were distracted by the medieval show.

A death eater backhanded lily across the face for yelling and lily fell backwards at the sting of it, but quickly sat back up and waited.

A loud crash sounded and lily looked to see that the chandelier had fallen from the ceiling, luckily, everyone else had also looked. Including the death eaters.

"Now!" lily said to the others and jumped on the back of the closest death eater- a small woman who fell over quite easily. Lily grabbed the woman's wand and cast petrificus totalus on her, then again on the two death eaters who had turned to look at her. Thankfully, the rest of them had followed her lead and attacked the death eaters. Even alice had managed to take down one. Lily quickly grabbed all their wands and handed them out to the four hogwarts students. Then she had handed the remaining ones to the group that was cowering there.

"Make yourselves useful." she commanded before rushing off back into the thick of things.

She threw hex after hex. Some of them hit the mark, some of them didn't. Lily ran, looking for james, but just as she spotted him she felt a searing crack in her ankle and fell down with a cry of pain. She sat up as quickly as she could and felt the area gently. Definitely broken. She tried to raise her wand to stop the death eater in front of her, but another came up from behind her and grabbed the wand, holding it over her throat and lifting her up with it. Lily could hardly breath with the pressure that was being put on her throat. She gasped and choked, but it was no good. He lifted her until her feet were off the ground and she was seeing black spots.

"Lily!" she looked to see james running for her, covered in blood, wand raised, but a death eater grabbed him too. They grabbed his wand roughly and held his arms tight behind his back. He struggled against their grip but it was no good.

"Stop! He yelled at the death eater holding her and she kicked her feet limply, trying to get a hold on the floor and release the pressure on her throat that was killing her at this point.

"She can't breath!" james exclaimed and the death eaters simply laughed.

Within the next minute whatever students had been left standing were all captured in the grip of one or more death eaters, and james kept screaming. Lily was only a few seconds from a blackout when

"Igor." a bone chilling voice rang out. "Can't you see the boy is distressed? Let the girl breath." suddenly the wand was lifted from her throat and lily's feet hit the ground with astounding pain in her one ankle. She tried to cry out but all that happened was she coughed violently. The death eater grabbed her hands and pinned them behind her back, holding her up enough for a great pain to be on her ankle still, but not enough to let her fall. Lily stopped squirming when she saw where the voice had come from. It was voldemort himself. The tall, dark-haired man whose gaunt face stuck out from his robes. Terror filled lily at an alarming rate.

"Yes," he cackled "i know that look. The look of fear. Well, thank you, my dear, because i relish it." he walked closer to her and brushed a cold hand down her face. Lily could do nothing but stare.

"Are you the one i've been hearing about?" He asked, taking a few steps back towards james "the girl that turned this man into a blood traitor?" voldemort's hand struck out, fast as an asp and grabbed james's face in a death grip. James struggled against it, but it was no use. Voldemort only tightened his grip.

"He's not only a pure blood, but a peverell. So, _so_ lucky. And yet, here you are, defiling the gift of your blood status for her?" he asked james and then clucked his tongue in disappointment.

"Why would you throw everything away like that? She's not exactly a pain on the eyes, but nonetheless, she is a _filthy, disgusting, mudblood_. And for that," he continued "she must die." voldemort let go of james's face to grab his wand, pointing it straight at her chest.

"No!" james screamed "don't! Kill me, kill me instead." he begged " _please_."

Lily tried to protest but her voice wouldn't work. All that came out was a horrible rasping noise. It was a horrible feeling.

"Don't worry, i will." voldemort almost cooed "but first i want you to watch. I want you to watch the life leave her eyes." james only shook his head repeatedly, his eyes filling with tears. Lily's own eyes seemed to mirror his.

"James," she she choked and he looked at her with so much pain in his expression that the tears in lily's eyes began to spill over "i-" she coughed again "i love you."

"I love you too, lily." james's voice broke and lily forced herself to look into voldemort's eyes as he opened his mouth

" _Avada-_ "


	48. Chapter 48

" _Expelliarmus!_ " rang out a clear, familiar voice and voldemort's wand was thrown from his hand. Lily turned and saw mcgonagall, wand aimed, flanked by dumbledore and a half dozen other professors. Lily looked back at voldemort and thought for a moment that he actually looked afraid.

"Get back!" commanded mcgonagall with the most force lily had ever heard come out of someone's mouth. If lily had been on the receiving end of it she probably would have shriveled up out of fear.

"Minerva," dumbledore said, stepping in front of her and raising his own wand "get the students back to the castle and take them to my office. I'll meet you there." and with that dumbledore sent off a number of spells so fast that within a few seconds the death eaters that had been holding her and james were out cold on the floor. Lily was forced to put weight on her ankle and nearly collapsed again. But she picked herself up and james was there in half a second to help her anyway. Lily leaned into him.

Dumbledore swept in front of them, his robe snapping with the movement. The usual kindness and twinkle in his eyes was gone. Replaced with such fierceness lily wondered if it had ever been there in the first place.

"ah, dumbledore," voldemort said, trying to mask his fear and drawing his attention away from lily and james "how nice to see you again."

"afraid i can't say the same to you." dumbledore stepped closer, his voice dark.

"Come on, let's go." james said and put his arm around her waist to help her walk. Around them what death eaters were left battled hogwarts professors viciously. James helped lily hobble over to where professor mcgonagall was standing, a group of students around her.

"Is this everyone?" she asked tightly as lily and james walked up

"Yes." lily said coarsely, through a scratchy throat, and nodded.

"Alright then." mcgonagall nodded back "is everyone here capable of apparating back to the road right outside the castle?" the group nodded and automatically found their apparating partners again. Lily grabbed onto james's arm and before she knew it the unpleasant feeling of being wrung out like an old sponge was upon her again. It was even worse on her ankle.

The street outside hogwarts materialized in front of them and lily cried out when they landed. It was fast and rough and before she knew it her feet were suddenly slammed into the ground and she thought she felt her ankle crack again. She lost her footing and felt the pavement bite her hand when she tried to catch herself from falling. All she succeeded in doing was fucking up her wrist. wonderful.

"You alright?" james knelt down next to her and helped her up

"Yeah." she gave a dry chuckle "i'm great."

"Sorry." he said as she put an arm around his shoulder for support and tried to stay off her ankle

"Not your fault." she assured him. It was true. She was the one who had insisted on going. It just came out sounding a little harsher than she had intended.

"Alright. With me then." mcgonagall apparated and began the walk to the castle. Lily wanted to complain she couldn't make it that far on her ankle but she didn't want to be that bitch. So she kept her mouth closed. Every pain-staking stair up to dumbledore's office.

The group of them sat there, mcgonagall standing by the door as if she was guarding it. She had just called for madam pomfrey to come and tend to the various injuries they had all sustained. What a sorry bunch they had been playing hero.

Madam pomfrey arrived, muttering to herself about how now was not the time to try and be heroes, as if she was reading lily's mind. Even though lily had just literally fought for her life her stomach still acted as if she was afraid she might get in trouble from a bloody school teacher. She was just hardwired that way.

Madam pomfrey eventually came around to her and asked if she had any injuries. Lily told her about her ankle and her wrist. Madam pomfrey set her ankle with a spell, wrapped it up, told her to keep it that way and conjured a crutch for her to use to get around hogwarts.

"All those stairs!" she had muttered to herself as she prodded at lily's wrist.

"Not broken." she decided as she wrapped it in a thinner, tighter cloth.

"Keep that on for a few days, dear." and with that she bustled over to molly, whose hands had been glued together using an epoximise curse.

"Ah, children," all heads turned with relief as dumbledore walked into the room. He looked a little beaten up but, altogether, fine.

"Thank you, professor mcgonagall for bringing them all here safely."

"I cannot believe such antics." she said sternly as her answer, even though she had already scolded them thoroughly when they had arrived in dumbledore's office.

"Now, minerva, i believe what these children today was quite brave, if i do say so myself." mcgonagall straightened a little.

"Poppy," he said, turning to madam pomfrey "will you leave us, please?" madam pomfrey nodded curtley and went off talking to herself about how they had even sustained such injuries.

"Now," dumbledore said clasping his hands together as the door shut "i do believe what you all did today was quite foolish." lily's fears of getting in trouble were confirmed even more so than when mcgonagall had scolded them "however, i believe something can also be said for the bravery you all showed." so they weren't in trouble?

"I have not brought you here to tell you that you are all expelled or write you up for a detention, but rather to make you all an… offer." not in trouble. Got it.

"An offer for what, professor?" hestia asked from a chair across the room

"An organization i would like to start. As you are all of age i would like to know if you have any interest in something i plan to call the order of the phoenix."


	49. Chapter 49

Dumbledore filled them all in on his plans for the order of the phoenix in his office. He wanted to form what was to be the opposite of the death eaters. A group that did basically what all of them had done today in order to try and take down voldemort. Lily's survival instincts had told her it was a horrible idea, but she had shut them down and agreed before dumbledore had even finished talking. Everyone else had agreed, too. Even though they had gone through hell today it was nothing compared to what would happen if voldemort got his way and they all knew it.

Now the twelve of them sat in the common room together. Everyone else had already gone to bed, except a few other sixth and seventh years that were simply playing wizard chess and talking at the other end of the room. An understanding somehow passed silently through all of them that nobody quite wanted to go to bed yet. The horror of the ministry was still on top of them all. Sirius had disappeared up into the marauder's dorm and come down a few minutes later with glasses and a bottle of firewhiskey.

They all drank from their glasses and sat around the fire. Most of them were just spread out on the rug. They had given the big armchair to Lily so she could prop her ankle up. James sat on one arm of the chair and Peter sat on the other. Lily leaned her head on James's shoulder and he brushed a hand through her hair. It had begun to grow since she cut it and was now a couple inches past her shoulders. It was, however, beginning to lose its bounce. Her hair was so heavy that when it got long it stopped being curly and just took up light waves instead.

"Well," Sirius lifted his glass "here's to the high probability of dying in the next year!"

"Here, here!" the rest of the room echoed and took a drink. Lily knew he was probably right, but that didn't mean she was going to stop fighting. If someone had come before her and died in order to stop voldemort she would have been infinitely grateful. So here's to creating a better future. Lily had slowly become filled with a fire that was from more than just the whiskey. It was a hot flame that existed inside of her and fueled her to keep fighting.

Slowly, one by one, people trickled away when they could no longer keep their eyes open and knew they had to sleep. Hestia and Molly were the last two to leave. Lily and james had stayed in the arm chair until everyone else had gone to bed and they were beginning to doze off themselves.

"James?" Lily whispered

"Mmhm?" he answered back sleepily

"I don't want to sleep alone tonight."

"I don't know what you would like me to do about that, dear, seeing as you have dorm mates and all." he murmured against the chair

"James?"

"Mmhm?"

"Will you go down to the room of requirement with me?"

"Okay." he nodded after a minute and slowly slid off the arm of the chair. He offered her help to get up and she slipped an arm around his waist. It was nice to have him to lean on. He helped her hobble out of the gryffindor common room and down the stairs. Lily gave him quiet directions to the hall where the door to the room of requirement was.

"Stop." she commanded when they had reached it. She closed her eyes for a second and wished for her room. The one with all the books and blankets and bean bag pillows that gave her so much comfort for some obscure reason. When she opened them again the door was in front of them and she and james crossed through it.

James set her down on the cot before laying down next to her. Lily put her head on his chest and closed her eyes. Her brain was humming. She was just a little buzzed from the firewhiskey.

"Lily?" james said after a while of just laying there in the quiet.

"Yeah?" she opened her eyes

He took a long pause "i thought you were going to die today." lily's mind flashed back to voldemort standing right in front of her. The way she forced herself to look in his eyes for merlin knows what reason. The way they were cold and harsh and fully intended to end her life. She closed here eyes to try and shut down the memory.

"Me too." she finally said.

"Lily, did you mean it? When you said you loved me?" at that Lily lifted her head and looked at him. He looked so afraid, like she might say she changed her mind.

"Yes." she breathed "of course i did."

James let out a shaky breath "thank merlin." he sighed "i love you too, Lil."

Lily just reached up and pressed a light kiss to his lips, or at least that's how it started. It grew into something stronger, something more desperate. The knowledge that they had nearly died today weighed on them and it showed. The feeling of James kissing her sent an electric pulse through Lily and she relished every second of it. The way their lips met like they were always meant to be together.

Lily only broke away when she had no breath left.

"If you doubt that i love you now, James Potter, then you need to take a serious look at things." she chuckled, her face flushing as red as her hair.

Lily laid down on his chest again and fell asleep, the phantom of that kiss hanging over them.


	50. Chapter 50

James woke up the next morning, lily still fast asleep on his chest, and an arm around her protectively. He still wasn't over what happened last night. They had made him look. The death eaters had made him look as voldemort had pointed that wand at lily's chest and begun to say those two words that would have taken her from him forever. They were going to make him watch.

They had done things to him too. The imperius curse. Then they made him attack a ministry worker. Not even with his wand. They had taken that away from him. No. They made james beat the man with his fists, and james could do nothing but watch from a fish eye view as blood spurted from the man's nose and mouth. He could do nothing but look as they controlled his own body. It wasn't like a part of you was ripped out, it was like you were frozen. It was like a panic attack.

A shaky breath left james's lungs as he tried to crush the memory. He didn't even remember it was his birthday until a few minutes later.

Yes, his birthday. Also known as halloween. It was kind of a bummer to have your birthday on a holiday, but also kind of great. Nobody actually cared that much about you specifically, but you could pretend all the decorations and excitement were for your birthday. It was a bit sad, but not a big deal. Especially now, when this war was happening around them.

James stared up at the ceiling. He and lily had disappeared for the night again. People would talk. Again. They couldn't keep doing this. James didn't care for his own sake, but he knew it bothered lily. He didn't know why people just couldn't leave well enough alone. Why did they care if lily and james were sleeping together? Even though they weren't doing anything, except literally sleeping.

As if on cue lily rolled over and opened her eyes with a groan. She buried her face in james's chest for a minute and hugged him tighter. James was grateful for it and squeezed her back.

"How's your wrist and your ankle?" james asked her as she slowly released him

"Not exactly in prime condition, but they'll do i suppose. What about you? Did you get hurt yesterday? Sorry, I forgot to ask."

No. james's mind was quick to pipe up you were the one doing the hurting.

James shook his head.

"Good." lily glanced over at the magical calendar on the wall. It was basically the same as a regular calendar, except the date it was glowed on the paper, and if it was a holiday a little themed picture would appear next to it. For example, since today was halloween, a bright jack-o-lantern hovered on the wall.

"Oh!" lily exclaimed, sitting up fast and leaving a spot on james's chest feeling oddly cold without her "i completely forgot today's your birthday!"

"Please, it's fine." james said. It was. He didn't really care much.

"Oh, no." she sighed and smushed her face in with the heel of her good hand "i meant to order your present by owl, but with everything else i totally forgot and-"

"Lily, calm down." james laughed. She was adorable when she was flustered.

"I'm sorry." she murmured into her hand, that was still pressed up against her face.

"Really," james said, peeling her hand away, because it didn't look as if she was going to do it herself "honestly, being here with you right now is all i need."

"Really?" james nodded

"Actually," james said "what time is it?" sitting up next to her

Lily glanced at the digital clock sitting next to the lava lamp on top of one of the short bookshelves. What? So she still liked muggle stuff like lava lamps. Sue her.

"Uhhhhh" she craned her neck a little more "nine forty-five." she grimaced.

"We kind of slept in didn't we?" she asked

"Past breakfast, at least." he agreed

"Are you hungry?" she asked

"Not really."

"Do you wanna just… stay here for a little bit more?"

"Why, miss evans, i was about to suggest the same exact thing!" he said in a horrible country accent that sent lily into a fit.

"That was- the- the worst thing- i've ever heard!" she managed between pure attacks of laughter

"What? You don't like my country accent?"

"Oh no. i do not." she shook her head forcefully, still laughing.

"What? Well let me hear yours!"

"No, see, mine is bad, but i know it so i don't broadcast it like some people." she poked him in the side

"Well, you've mocked me quite horribly, if i do say so myself, so i demand to hear if the punishment fits the crime!"

"Alright, alright." she sobered herself from laughing and pushed her hair behind her ears. She cleared her throat and opened her mouth before shaking her head and dissolving into a fit of giggles

"No." she declared "i can't do it."

"Lily, lily, lily!" james chanted at her

"No, no, no!" she swatted him away but he kept chanting

Finally she just said

"Alright, if i do it will you shut up?"

"Yes. i will." he folded his hands in his lap

"Okay… what do i say?"

"Say whatever you want. Just dooooo it." he pestered

"Well," she started in what might have been an attempt at a country accent "happy birthday, young… man?" she cringed at herself

"Really?" james laughed "all the bloody persecution at that's how yours sounds!"

"Listen, you prick!"

"I'm listening."

"Well i don't have anything more to say to you, so that's too bad." she folded her arms haughtily and stuck her nose in the air, blowing a piece of hair from her face.

"Wooooooow." james drawled and chuckled, falling back into a bean bag pillow


	51. Chapter 51

James and Lily spent the rest of the day in the room of requirement. They weren't even sure what they were doing the whole time, to be honest. A lot of talking, mainly. Even though they both could have sworn they had nothing left to talk about anymore. They had known each other so long and knew each other so well that Lily could have sworn she knew everything about him, but he managed to prove her wrong more than once. And she did the same.

She told him about the anxiety she used to have. Lily had always just kind of been afraid of… everything. Except common fears, strangely. The dark never bothered her, heights were fine, and she thought spiders were cool. However, Lily grew nervous when it came to bodies of water, riding broomsticks, and forests. And when she said nervous it was more like cowering in fear.

James told her about how when he was younger. The way he was bullied. Why he started playing quidditch in the first place and allowed his grades to slip. Lily had to hold back a chuckle when she imagined how cute a pudgy little James must have been.

"We should go to the feast shouldn't we." James said. It wasn't really a question. The two of them were sitting in what James had started referring to as "the bean bag corner". Lily was leaning into his side and James was tracing a finger up and down her hip. For a moment Lily's mind went somewhere else when he touched a bare patch of skin and she sighed internally when she had to push it away.

"I guess we'll kind of have to. Someone will probably get worried if we don't show."

"You don't want to go, do you?"

"To be honest, James, i'd be perfectly happy to stay right here forever."

Lily closed her eyes in content when James placed a kiss to the top of her head.

"But," she continued "yeah. We have to go."

"Love, you make eating an ungodly amount of food sound like a chore."

"It's not the food i have a problem with. It's the people."

"Wow. can you believe how antisocial my girlfriend is?"

"James, there's no one else here."

"Oh that's right. It's because you hate people isn't it?" he joked

"Oh, shut up. I never said i _hated_ people. I mean, i do, but that's not the point."

"You don't hate _me._ " he sang and Lily glowered up at him

"You know, James, sometimes..." she shook her head

"Lily evans, i am _offended_."

"You should be." she laughed and tried to reposition herself with her hands, momentarily forgetting about her wrist.

"Ow, shit." she muttered.

"Here." James smirked and gave her a smirk that sent her stomach fluttering. James lightly took her hand and pressed a kiss to her wrist. He worked his way up her arm and onto her neck. Goose bumps appeared on her legs.

James began kissing her full on the mouth and she could feel his lips smiling against hers. His hand began to slide up her shirt and lily had grabbed it before she even knew what she was doing. She broke away, breathing heavy.

Her mind flashed back to the boy in the hall and his rough hand she just couldn't get off-

Lily grabbed her head, squeezing her eyes tight. trying to make it stop. She didn't even care about the pain it brought her wrist.

"Lily?" james took her hands in his own "lily what's wrong?"

She slowly opened her eyes and was relieved to see the face of james in front of her. _Her_ james.

"Nothing-" she took her hands back "it's just-" she flashed back again. The dark hall, her swollen lips from something she _so_ didn't want.

"Lily?"

Lily opened her eyes again with a shaky breath. She thought they were gone now.

"I'm okay."

"Are you sure? What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Lily-"

" _James!"_ she snapped, then realized her mistake "just," she softened her voice "just leave it."

She turned away and curled into the wall.

James sighed and sunk into the cushions next to her. Lily could feel a tight annoying feeling rolling off of him that didn't help the way her mind was already thumping incessantly.

…[...[]...]...

"We should get to the feast." lily finally said after delaying as long as she could. The last thing she wanted was to be around a castle full of people. Her head was beginning to hurt for a reason she really didn't know.

James groaned and automatically leaned over to put an arm around her. It made lily nervous, but not the same freak out that she had earlier.

"Oh." James stiffed "is this fine or do you want me to move?" the words were laced with sarcasm that made lily's blood boil. She stood quickly, brushing his arm off and making her head ache even worse. She kept all her weight on her good ankle and leaned against the bookshelf.

"Really?" she asked icily. She couldn't believe him.

"What, lily? You freak for no reason and you're mad at me?"

"You don't know that there's no reason." she said too quietly

James dragged a hand over his head in agitation "then what is it, lily? Why won't you talk to me?" his voice softened a little bit at the end of his sentence

"I can't, James. I can't just tell you everything and you need to… understand, i guess." she fumbled for the words

"But… that's what you're supposed to do, isn't it?"

"No. you can't always tell people everything. There are some thing you just need to-" lily's mind tried to make her go back to the scene in the hall again "just- sometimes you need to keep things to yourself."

James pulled at a handful of hair tightly for a minute before releasing it and looking up at her.

"I know." he said blankly

"Can we please get to the feast now?"

James nodded and stood up, handing Lily her crutch.

The two of them walked out of the room and made their way down to the great hall. They walked too long in silence.

"I'm sorry for-"

"Don't mention it." Lily cut him off

Truth was, through all the shit they had gone through. Through everything that had happened to them in the last year Lily was so glad she had him. She couldn't even begin to put it into words. He made her happier than she had ever been before. It sounded cliche, she knew. She had always thought people were lying or at least exaggerating when they talked about being in love, but if anything they were downplaying it. It was hard work sometimes and frustrating as hell, but worth it. Lily just wondered why it had taken her so bloody wrong to realize her feelings for James. Granted he had bit a been of a prick in the past, so maybe it was better this way. All Lily knew was she wanted all the time she could get with him. She wanted to have a long life and a family and grow old with him and, strangely, the thought didn't scare her at all. She could deal with all his asshole moments, as long as he could deal with hers.


	52. Chapter 52

James helped lily hobble into the great hall for the feast. She had the crutch, but she wasn't exactly adept at using it yet. Good. the feast hadn't begun yet. Students were still milling in and walking around the room talking to their friends from other houses. James and Lily weren't even that noticeable. James could have sworn they were going to be late, although he didn't plan on telling anyone why. It was nobody else's business where they had been. Although james would love to know-

He sighed and cut himself off. Lily didn't want to tell him and he would just have to deal with that. However much it may bother him…

They walked down the length of the gryffindor table, weaving in and out of the people who had decided not to go find their own seats yet, until they reached where mary, marlene, and alice sat.

"Well, love, this is where i leave you." he said. He tried to keep his voice kinder and less stiff than it had been earlier. Truth is, she had been scaring him, he just wanted to know if she was really okay. He made to move towards his own seat on the Gryffindor table. But lily grabbed him with her good hand and brought him down to kiss her. No shabby kiss, either. Not in the least.

"What was that for?" he asked breathless when she finally pulled away because, bloody fucking hell, he wasn't about to be the one to do it.

"Eh," lily simply shrugged in a casualness that drove him absolutely crazy "it's your birthday." and with that she turned around and climbed onto the bench beside mary like he had never been there in the first place.

James took a second to regain his composure before walking over to the marauders and taking his seat. What kind of mood swing?

" _Rawrr._ " was sirius's only comment

"James, where were you?" peter asked in a harsh whisper, while remus only looked down at his homework with pursed lips.

"I was with lily..." he said, wishing they would drop it but knowing they wouldn't.

"All night?" peter asked, fiddling with his fingers.

"...yes." james replied finally

"Doing?" sirius prompted

"Alright, alright," james sighed and leaned in closer to the middle of the table "come here and i'll tell you." he lowered his voice. Sirius and peter leaned in as told and remus simply looked up from his homework with slightly raised eyebrows

"We did…." james drew out a pause for dramatic effect "this new fangled thing… called… _sleeping_ , you perverts." he finished sitting back in his seat and returning his voice to a normal volume

"You really didn't do anything? Because, mate." sirius shook his head

"No! I mean," he thought of earlier and how she had flipped out on him. Part of him felt annoyed at the fact she wouldn't tell him why, and the other part felt sorry for pushing her.

"No." he declared, shaking his head "nothing happened."

"Are you sure?" peter asked, his voice raising with every word

"Yes." james said curtly

"Did you want something to happen?" sirius asked, with a raise of his eyebrows

"I wouldn't have exactly minded." james gave in "i mean, have you seen her?"

"Eh, not my type." was sirius's reply

"Well, i suppose that's good, seeing as she is my girlfriend and not yours. Speaking of which, padfoot, do you have a girlfriend you're hiding from us or are you just being a lone wolf for a while." he winked at moony.

"What? No. i don't have a girlfriend. I don't- i mean-" he huffed "no."

"Are you sure there, because i don't think you said no enough in a five second time span."

"Oooo," peter sang "paddy has a girlfriend, paddy has a girlfriend."

"Shut up, _wormy_."

"Paddy has a girlfriend," james sang with peter

"Paddy has a girlfriennddddd." remus joined in, deciding this was a worthy enough cause to break away from his homework.

"So." james leaned towards him "who's the broad, the lucky lady, Mrs. Paddy."

"Oh, shut up!" sirius pushed james away from him "there is no _Mrs. Paddy_."

"I think there is." remus said, tucking his homework away in his bag.

"Me too." peter agreed

"Me three!" james added

"Oh, bugger off!" sirius said and all was quiet until a quiet tune was picked up by remus across the table

" _Paddy has a girlfriend, paddy has a girlfriend._ "


	53. Chapter 53

That school year went by too fast to keep track of. They worked on the order of the phoenix, James and Lily did their head duties, gryffindor won the house cup, and last but certainly not least, they studied the shite out of their N.E.W.T.S.

It was the night after their final day of testing. The entire gryffindor common room was in an uproar of celebration. Not just the gryffindor common room, but all of them. The seventh years weren't even staying restricted to their own anymore. The gryffindor common room was full of mainly gryffindors and hufflepuffs, with a decent amount of ravenclaws. But almost no slytherins. The war was taking its toll and the separation between houses was greater than ever.

Lily had just come from the ravenclaw common room. She had been at the hufflepuff one for about an hour before that. Hufflepuffs were good at enjoying themselves. They didn't care what the others thought. It was also great, because all the drunk Hufflepuffs were sort of inclined to take care of each other.

Ravenclaws were… different. Half the house was completely wasted in an effort to stop worrying about the scores they got on their exams and most of the others had stopped caring a long time ago and just set up massive games. Truth or dare and spin the bottle took up most of their common room.

Lily climbed through the portrait to the gryffindor common room, a little tipsy, but mainly sober. The fat lady was complaining loudly about how "these children need to learn to stay in one place!"

Lily looked around the room for the marauders. It didn't take long to find them. Sirius was standing on the couch by the fireplace making some sort of toast.

"Black!" she called, making her way across the room

"Evans!" he cried in return "Lovely day isn't it?"

"It's midnight, black."

"Ah, so, the start of a new day! A new life with no school to weigh us down!"

"Yes, just death eaters and voldemort. Feet off the furniture."

"You're no fun!" he complained, hopping off the couch and onto the coffee table next to it. Still not the floor, but better than the couch.

"But i still have a toast to make, so listen up, you scrubs!" the surrounding people turned to look at him "as most of you know, i am quite charming-" he was cut off by the boos of enough people lily just had to laugh "AND quite good looking!" he yelled over the complaints "so i know there have been wonders, oh, there have been wonders about my dating life. So i am here to tell you that not only am i charming and good looking, but utterly fantastic at keeping secrets. Well, lads, ladies, and everyone in between. You were right. I have a girlfriend." he put a hand to his heart like he was making some grand, humble gesture.

Shouts from the engaged listeners of "who?" and "why didn't you tell us!" And "wait, aren't you gay?" popped up from around the room

"I'm getting to that! Not the gay thing though, I am very into women." he silenced them "it is… drumroll please!" lily leaned down and did a drumroll on the back of the closest chair

"It is… Marlene Mckinnon!"

"What!" lily yelled along with a group of other people

"That's right bitches!" marlene suddenly appeared on the coffee table next to him "now watch this." she draped an arm around his neck before pulling him to her for a public makeout session lily honestly couldn't watch. She looked around and saw the other marauders at the other end of the coffee table in discussion. They looked pretty baffled as well. She made her way over to them.

"So," she put an elbow on peter's shoulder "you guys didn't know either?"

"No!" james declared and remus just shook his head emphatically

"No idea." remus added

"Well, what a great bunch of detectives we are." she snorted

"Listen, lil, we're not ravenclaws!"

"I feel like you should still have common sense!"

"You didn't know either!" peter threw up his hands.

…[...[]...]...

The next morning was probably one of the most nostalgic Lily had ever experienced. Her trunk was packed with all her belongings and yet she couldn't quite fathom the fact that she wouldn't be coming back next year. She wouldn't get to share a dorm room with some of her best friends and take all the classes she loved so much, despite how stressed they made her.

There was a long session of goodbyes and hugs and tears from everyone in the dorm. Lily didn't know how long it lasted but she didn't want it to end because once they left the room they would never be coming back. The girls slowly made their way to the door and all stood in front of it for a moment, without saying a word. All of them were just trying to soak it in as much as possible. Trying to burn it into their memories.

One by one they trailed out. Mary was the last one standing staring at what looked so empty without them. Just her and the single tear that seemed as if it had been on her cheek this whole time.

They separated slowly through the walk out of the castle. Drifting off to see a favorite spot one last time or say goodbye to a friend they would likely never see again. It was so hard to keep track of each other after graduation, especially with voldemort gaining more and more power every day.

Lily was left alone in the hall, students all around her hugging or saying goodbye to a favorite portrait on the wall. Lily just stood there staring. Not at anything in particular. Just staring. She had to leave. This was it. The place that had been her home for the last seven years of her life was suddenly going to be gone. Like when you're putting a puzzle together and get a big chunk separate from everything else. Imagine if that big piece just disappeared. That was what seemed to be happening to Lily right now.

She eventually trickled out with the others, trying to make it stop hurting.

…[...[]...]...

Lily filed onto the train with marlene and mary. Mary caught sight of hestia and went to talk to her.

"Well," Lily turned to Marlene "do you want to sit with james and the others?"

Marlene nodded and the two of them walked off to the marauders compartment.

All four of them were inside already. Remus was showing peter something on a yellowed piece of paper that he quickly put away when he saw lily and Marlene.

"What's that?" Marlene asked, walking over and sitting on Sirius's lap as if it was the only place in the compartment to sit..

"Nothing that concerns you." sirius said, wrapping his arms around her waist. Marlene giggled. Lily had seen Sirius with girls before but Marlene was different. Something lit up in his face when she walked in a room. Lily wondered how in the hell she didn't know they were together before.

She walked over and sat next to james, across from Marlene and Sirius.

"Ah, yes." Sirius said knowingly

"What?" lily asked

"You two."

"Us two?" lily gestured to herself and James

"Yes. what a tragedy. Already so fast past the honeymoon stage. Onto acting like you're some married prudes. It's only downhill from here." Marlene nodded along like some sympathetic infomercial actor.

Ha. that's what you think. We still haven't had sex yet. Wait, what? Lily asked herself after that thought popped into her brain. She was embarrassed at the fact the thought made her blush.

"See? She's blushing in shame. In embarrassment. All because she knows i'm right."

"Oh shut it, padfoot."

"Denial. Always the first step. That relationship fire is dwindling, kids."

Lily simply raised her eyebrows at him and reached over and kissed james. It was all a matter of practice, you know. And they had certainly practiced enough.

Lily pulled away and did a small bow from her seat. Sirius slow clapped.

"Perhaps you have a few months left in you."

"Mhm. perhaps." lily joked

"So, Lil, are you two done, or is there a spitting contest coming?" James gestured between them.

"Not that i can foresee, but you never do know."

"Well, tonight my parents are throwing a party of sorts. The usual 'our only son graduated, we're so proud' and all that nonsense. Should be a prudish affair with all their old people friends."

"James, dear. Point?"

"Would you like to come? Our old pal Sirius will be there if you two would like to have your spitting contest then."

"I can spit rather far…" lily pretended to be mulling it over "alright. I suppose."


	54. Chapter 54

Lily apparated in front of the potter house that night. She hadn't really been sure what to wear, so she'd opted for a casual gray dress, it went about down to her knees and was a little tighter around the middle than she liked, but she'd forced herself to wear it anyway. It seemed to hug her fat, but then again, who cared?

Lily walked up the steps and raised her hand to knock, but before her fist even reached the door it swung open. A woman with brown hair heavily streaked with gray and a thin face opened the door. There was no way it wasn't james's mother. They had the same face shape and unmistakable cheekbones.

"You must be lily!" she exclaimed

"Yes," said lily, putting out her hand "nice to-" she was cut off by Mrs. potter grabbing her into a hug. Oh. okay. Hugging people. Got it.

"Oh i'm sorry!" she pulled away "it's just so nice to meet you, we've heard so much about you from james. Please, come in!"

Lily stepped through the doorway into a dark foyer. People were scattered around with drinks in what looked to be varying types of conversations. Some people had their heads thrown back in laughter, while others were bent forward in seriousness.

"The boys are this way." she smiled back at lily and led her to an ornate living room with a large fireplace tucked into the wall. Lily spotted James and Sirius immediately. They were some of the only people under forty there.

"James!" Mrs. Potter said as they walked up "look who's here!"

"Lily!- i see you've met my mother."

"That i have." lily nodded politely at Mrs. Potter.

"Well, i'll leave you three alone so you can pretend you're oh so exasperated with all these old people." she smiled and then bustled off, disappearing into another room.

"Well, your mum seems nice."

"Yeah she is." james nodded "and you," he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her waist "look fantastic."

Lily felt self conscious in this dress, so she wasn't exactly inclined to believe him, but he made her blush all the same. She turned her head around and planted a kiss to his cheek.

"Gross, old people alert." Sirius groaned, talking about them, but his timing was… not the best. He happened to say it as an actual old couple walked by. The two looked quite affronted and lily had to stifle her laugh.

"So," she pulled away from james's touch "who are all these people?" She looked around the room once more

"Honestly? I know almost none of these people. They just work with my parents. I know a few, though. Some of the aurors used to talk to me at these parties when i was younger and they saw i was bored out of my mind."

"These were the days before me, of course." sirius piped in

As if on cue a young hispanic woman in her mid twenties or so walked up and performed a long intricate handshake with james that lily couldn't begin to even want to replicate, without so much a word of real greeting or notice. For a moment a chord was struck in lily when she observed the tight, dark red dress the woman was wearing that hugged her every curve. Lily didn't have any curves, except for fat. She definitely had curves from fat.

"What's up, JJ?" The woman asked laughing and pulling him into a hug.

 _JJ?_ _She had given him a nickname? And it was JJ?_

"So you finally graduated? Personally, i never thought you would."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, lana." james chuckled, pulling away from the hug.

"And the black sheep!" she turned to sirius and gave him a hug too.

"Lookin' real young these days, lana. Listen, i need that skin care routine."

"And i need that hair routine, sheep boy."

"Yeah well," sirius ran a hand over his thick hair that he had slicked back into a bun "not gonna happen."

"Well, then have fun with those pores."

"Oh!" it was as if james had just realized lily was standing there "Lana, this is my girlfriend, Lily."

"Woah, woah, woah, hold the floo powder. Is this _the_ lily? Lily _evans_?"  
"Oh. you've heard of me?"

Lana snorted "heard of you? Ever since JJ here was eleven all i've heard is Lily this and Lily that. Nice to meet you though." she stuck out a hand. Lily shook it loosely.

"Oh. oh no. did you not know he used to be kind of obsessed with you? Oh. look at me. I've made it worse."

"No, no," lily forced a special kind of laugh reserved specifically for social situations she didn't want to be in "believe me, i knew."

"Well," lana clapped her hands together "i'm off to find the booze. Catch you kids later."

"So she seems… cool." lily decided was the word after Lana walked away

"Yeah, Lana's pretty okay." sirius nodded

"Aw, lil," james nudged her "you're turning green."

"What?"

"Talking about jealousy, evans." sirius said

"Jealousy? You- you think i'm jealous- of her? I mean, i'm not. Just because she has an arse that won't quit doesn't mean i'm jealous." lily decided

James and sirius stared at her blankly for a long moment before breaking into a huge peel of laughter.


	55. Chapter 55

James was really glad lily had been able to come to the party. And, bloody hell, she looked fantastic in that dress. She should wear dresses more often. But he knew she hated dresses and he'd probably be flayed alive should he make the suggestion. So he simply told her she looked nice.

"Three." sirius started the countdown under his breath, knowing somehow exactly what was coming. He could always tell and james had no idea how, but he went along anyways.

"What?" lily asked, looking between them

"Two." james continued. She'd see soon enough

"One." sirius said. james pointed a finger and, sure enough, James's father tapped on a glass.

Lily looked perplexed "how did you-"

"It's an art form, evans." sirius cut her off

"Excuse me." James's father's voice rung through the room as he stepped up on a chair "i would like to make a toast." james buried his head in his hands. Lily sarcastically patted his back

"I would like to make a toast for my son!" he was practically beaming "who has graduated hogwarts this year! after captaining the gryffindor quidditch team to winning the house cup, too! His mother and i couldn't be prouder!"

James groaned

" _And,_ " he drew out the word dramatically "he has also found himself a wonderful girlfriend!"

This time it was lily's turn to groan in embarrassment as the room took her in. James uncovered his face to look at hers and laughed. Beet red. Just like he had suspected. He laughed and she smacked his arm.

"So, lily, we are delighted to have you with us to celebrate my son's graduating! Guys, he did it! He actually did!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence dad!" James called across the room and people laughed.

"I'll let you get back to your evening, ladies and gentlemen." he stepped down from the chair with the help of James's mother.

"Well, james," Lily turned to him "did you graduate, or…?"

"You know, lily, at this point it really is anybody's guess." sirius played along

"Oh shut up." James joked

"Ah," lily made a little gasp and put a hand over her heart daintily "well, i _never_. Did you hear him, black?" sirius nodded along "my very own boyfriend told me to shut up."

"I heard it."

"I should not tolerate this!"

"You shouldn't."

"What ever shall i do?"

"I don't know."

"Hmmm…"

And lily leaned forward and placed a quick peck on james's lips

"I think that outta do it."

"Lily, i am disappointed." sirius shook his head

"You're one to talk, Mr. Public makeout session with Marlene Mckinnon."

"That was justified!"

"How?"

"The people wanted it!"

"Who? What people?"

"Oh, you know you did."

"Ew." lily threw her hands up "i did not."

"Pads, i think i speak for everyone when i say that Lily is right. Nobody wanted that."

"Hey, speaking of marlene, where is she tonight? Not invited to this grand to-do?" lily asked

"She had plans with Alice. To be honest, I didn't really listen past face mask."

"Hm, maybe you should have gone with them, Sirius. those pores are getting a little loose…" lily reached forward and poked his cheek. Sirius slapped her hand away and Lily laughed

"They are not!"

"Whatever you say, Black."

"Hey," james intervened for a second "how would you two like to bicker away from the prying eyes of the elderly." because sure enough, when they looked around they saw the four or five old women that had turned to stare at them disapprovingly, wine glasses being swirled in their hands adding to the whole aura of mourning their late husbands in a tea room type thing they had going on.

"Yeah." lily nodded, hiding her giggle behind her hand "let's do that."

"Stay here." james decided "i'll be right back." and he walked off towards the kitchens.

"Master Potter!" the house elves called when he walked in

"The sir has graduated!" Lebby cried and the other house elves broke into cheers. James's face couldn't help but to break out into a huge smile. They always made him happy. He missed the house elves whenever he was away at hogwarts. He guessed he wouldn't have that problem anymore, though, would he...

"Didn't mean to interrupt," he said to silence the cheers "just wanted to grab this." he reached and snatched a half-empty bottle of firewhiskey off a shelf on the wall.

"It is no interruption!" dibby exclaimed

"Well, thank you, dibby, but i'm afraid i have to go now."

He received a chorus of goodbyes that made his smile grow wider as he ducked out of the kitchen and snuck around to where lily and sirius were.

"Follow me, kids." he commanded, holding up the bottle

An hour later James, Sirius, and Lily sat in the garden of the manor's backyard, legs all crossed on the stone beneath them. It was a little cold, but not bad. Besides, they always had the firewhiskey to warm them up. They passed the bottle around, talking about whatever came to mind.

"I can't believe it's really over," lily took a swig from the bottle and passed it to Sirius "i mean, after seven years we're just not going back…"

"I know," sirius nodded "strange, isn't it? Can you imagine what it'll be like next august when you're sitting at the breakfast table waiting for the owl to come to your window and it just… never will?"

"On the bright side, at least we'll stay busy with the order and everything."

Order of the Phoenix meetings were a regular occurrence that lily both looked forward to and dreaded.

"Do you ever just think how bloody unfair it is?" james took a sip from the bottle and passed it to lily again, who took it in her cold hands "we could have been born at any time. We could have had lived where we wouldn't have had to worry about voldemort, and yet… we got stuck here with the genocidal prick ruining everything."

A small flame lit inside lily. He didn't even know the half of it. He didn't have to be afraid to go outside. He didn't have to be worried about being called a mudblood and a piece of filth whenever someone found out who your parents were. He was a pureblood, he was rich and here he was preaching like he had the most difficult life in the world.

Lily forced herself to smother the flame. None of what she'd just thought was his fault. He was doing everything he could to help take down voldemort, and for that Lily was grateful. He would just never _really_ be able to understand.

"It's cold out here." was all Lily said as she took a long drink of the whiskey that was so appropriately named.

"Here." sirius held up the coat jacket lying next to him he hadn't been wearing anyway "trade you."

Lily handed him the bottle for the jacket and wrapped it around herself appreciatively.

"You're not cold?" she asked him with a slight shiver

"I'm not wearing spaghetti straps." he raised an eyebrow

"Not trying to steal my girlfriend, are you, Pads?"

"Please, mate, i've got my own."

"How are things going, by the way?" lily had forgotten to ask earlier

She watched as a big smile plastered itself onto Sirius's face. Not a sly smirk, or a debonair kind of smile, but a real, genuine smile. One that squinted his eyes and raised his cheeks.

"Good." he nodded "just- yeah. Good."

"That's it? Just 'good'?" lily asked leaning forwards

"You're really not gonna give us anything else to go on?" asked James

"I mean, what do you want to know?"

"I don't know!" Lily threw her hands up "i didn't even know you two were dating until the other day."

"How we missed that one is beyond me." James shook his head and slid the firewhiskey to lily across the smooth pavement.

"I'm rather good at keeping secrets, if you haven't noticed. Remus?" he raised an eyebrow then quickly looked at lily "i mean-"

"I know."

"You do? Since when?"

"Oh, just since i was about, oh, i don't know, twelve."

"But, Prongs, does she know about-"

"Yes."

Sirius just looked at her slightly wide-eyed

"You are referring to the fact that you're animagi, aren't you?"

"Actually i wasn't, but merlin's tit, you know that too?"

"It's not that hard to figure out. If you just- wait?" she turned her head and looked between both of them

"What don't i know?"

"Do you think we can tell her?" james leaned in and said quietly to Sirius. He was leaning directly over lily like he didn't see either her, or the issue with what he was doing.

"Helloooo," she threw her hands up "i'm right here!"

They either acted as if they didn't hear her, or were actually too caught up in their bromance to notice

"Do you think we can?"

"I dunno that's why i asked you."

"I think it's fine. Who can she tell, you know?"

"Okay." Sirius nodded and leaned back

"Okay." james also leaned back.

"So, Lily, we're going to tell you a very interesting story about a thing we like to call the marauder's map.."


	56. Chapter 56

Lily woke up the next morning in her bed utterly exhausted. It had been nearly one AM by the time she apparated home, and nearly two by the time she got to sleep.

She rolled over and rubbed her eyes before she realized her makeup was still on. Great. That would be a mess to clean off.

Just as she was about to get up her door slammed open.

"Ugh. what racoon attacked you?" Petunia leaned against the door frame

"What do you want, Petunia?"

"Vernon is coming over later. We're having dinner. Be ready by five."

"Five o'clock? Did you age sixty years overnight?"

"Haha wow you're so funny," Petunia made a face that only added to her peaky features "just be ready by five and see if mom needs any help."

"Why can't you do it? It's your dinner."

"Because i'm a terrible cook." she said like it was an accomplishment and walked out of the room without shutting the door. Lily would have been mad about the excuse, but it was true. Petunia really was a terrible cook. Great at baking, though. Lily would have gladly traded. It was a horrible curse to not just be able to whip up professional-tasting cookies whenever you pleased.

Lily rolled out of bed and thought about the horror that was sure to be that night's dinner. Then she had an idea. It would piss Petunia off, but that was half the fun.

She ran to her desk and pulled out a piece of notebook paper and a pencil. That's right. Now that she was out of hogwarts she was saying goodbye to writing everything with a quill and ink like some sort of wealthy widow having an affair with the man that mowed her lawn and telling anyone who works listen about her late, great Harold.

James,

Lily wrote, wondering if this was such a good idea.

My sister is inviting her horrid, horrid boyfriend vernon over for dinner and i cannot suffer alone. Please? Please come. This isn't even an option. You have to. Be here at five. Please? Did i say please yet?

You better come,

Lily

She ran over to her owl with the letter. It wasn't exactly Dickens, but oh well. She unlocked the large bird cage and tied the letter to his leg. She opened the window and tried to shoo him out. He did not look happy to be awoken so early, but flew off all the same.

Lily slammed the window after him and huffed down on her bed to wait for a reply.

James woke to something tapping on his window repeatedly. Why? Why couldn't whatever the hell it was just let him sleep.

He opened his eyes to see lily's owl fluttering outside it angrily. He crossed over to the window, stepping over Sirius's still-sleeping form. Lucky bastard.

"Come on in, then." he opened the window and the owl wasted no time in flying in and landing on his bookshelf. He ruffled his feathers angrily and nipped James's finger when he untied the letter from the bird's leg.

"Quit it, you prick!" james whispered angrily. The owl only motioned as if he was going to attack, and looked pleased when James flinched.

James glared at it before unfolding the hastily written letter.

James,

My sister is inviting her horrid, horrid boyfriend vernon over for dinner and i cannot suffer alone. Please? Please come. This isn't even an option. You have to. Be here at five. Please? Did i say please yet?

You better come,

Lily

James sighed. One of the only times he had met Lily's family was when he had to stay with lily at the hospital. He wondered what they would be like under normal circumstances. He guessed he would find out tonight. It was sure to be awkward, but James couldn't say no to a pleading Lily. he would never tell her that, but it was true.

James stepped over Sirius, who was beginning to stir in annoyance, and reached his desk. He dipped his quill in ink and began to scribble a reply.

Lily,

You expect me to short-notice drop everything and just come to your house for dinner to talk to some fat bloke because you don't want to? Yeah.

be there at five,

James

"Siriuuuus," he flopped down next to sirius on the floor, who had been refusing a bed since he moved in "helppp me."

"No." Sirius covered his head with his pillow

"Pleassse."

He looked out from under his pillow for a minute and looked as he was considering. Then,

"No."

"Why nooot."

"Because it's early, James. And early is the time where we all lay our little heads down and get some ruddy sleep."

"Nooo, you're thinking of the night time."

"No, James, i'm not."

"I think you are."

Sirius dramatically threw himself under his pillow again. Wait for it…

"Ugh!" Sirius sat up "well, now i'm awake." James just grinned at him. Worked every time.

"Ugh, bugger off, you prick!" he hit James with his pillow and James's laugh rang through the room "it's not funny."

"It's kind of funny." he got out before the pillow smacked him in the side of the head again.

…[...[]...]...

James stood on the Evan's family porch at exactly four fifty-eight that afternoon. He raised his fist to knock on the door when it swung open and Lily stumbled out.

"Thank god you're here." she shut it behind her

"Uh, Lily, aren't we supposed to be on the other side of that door?"

"No. i mean- yes. But i don't want to yet. Vernon has been here all of three minutes and he's already begun talking about the 'sodding chap i fired earlier after the biggest drill mistake this side of the country's ever seen!'" she did a horrible imitation of what must have been Petunia's boyfriend.

"It's really that bad?"

"Oh you'll see."

"I won't if you don't let me in."

"Oh yeah. That." she grabbed the doorknob then turned back around to face him "so, mum knows you're coming, but Petunia and Vernon have no idea- okay let's go shall we!" and with that he had no choice but to follow her into the quaint house that smelled of tomato sauce and flowers.

Lily led him past the living room, where he had to smile at all the pictures of a younger lily, and into the kitchen.

Mrs. Evans was tossing an apron on top of the fridge and Petunia was carrying a dish into what must have been the dining room when she stopped dead.

"Really?" she sneered at James in a way that made him feel suddenly as if he was five and she was a scolding teacher "you brought him?"

"Petunia!" Mrs. Evans chided "it's lovely to have you, James."

"Are you sure it's no imposition?" he asked, already wanting to get away from a souring Petunia and a dark, chubby man that could only be described as grumpy.

"Not at all! If we can have Vernon over there's no reason we can't have you." she smiled warmly but it was cut off by Petunia

"I can think of a reason." she snubbed before grabbing a stack of napkins and disappearing into the next room. Mrs. Evans merely shook her head and followed her, taking a bowl of pasta with her.

"I'd say sorry about making you come, but I'd be more sorry if I hadn't." Lily turned to him. James just shook his head and suppressed a smile while the both of them went and took their spots at the dining room table.

The dinner was thoroughly awkward with spotty conversation that was halted completely by a loud, throat-clearing by Petunia.

"Vernon and i have something to say." Lily stiffened next to him "we planned for it to be a family announcement, but," she glared at James for the hundredth time that night "somebody else decided to join us. Either way." she straightened her back and took a deep breath "vernon and i are engaged."

Mrs. Evans looked shocked and Lily sputtered next to him

"W- what?"

"You heard didn't you? Unless you're stupid as well as a freak." James tensed with anger "we're engaged."

"Where's the ring?" Lily questioned

"Didn't want anyone to know before i got the chance to announce it. It's in my room."

"Where?"

"Dresser. Third draw down on the left."

"What's it look like?"

"Silver. Princess cut full carat diamond in the middle surrounded by two others. What you don't believe me?"

Lily simply looked at Petunia for a long time before sliding her chair back and walking completely out of the house with an dangerous calm. James didn't think twice before following her onto the porch. James took a seat on one of the steps and Lily ended up in the yard, pacing with restrained anger.

"Love, it's not the end of the world." he tried to console her

"You don't get it! He's- he's everything about Petunia that i don't like!"

"Come again?"

"Petunia used to be fun. we used to laugh together and play games and- and go to the cinema on weekends." she seated herself beside James with a sigh "she used to be my best friend."

"What happened."

"My magic began to appear and she got jealous. And she let that jealousy take over her until there was no room for me anymore. And now she has vernon, the grumpy, self-centered wanker that's everything about her i try to forget."

"Do you think he makes her happy?"

"I don't know… i think he does in his own, horrible way."

"Well then it's her choice isn't it?"

Lily could do nothing but nod. The two of them sat in silence for a bit.

"James?"

"Mhm?"

Lily took a deep breath "marry me."

James spun around to face her, expecting to see a smile or some sign, any hint, that she was joking, but there was none.

"What?"

"Marry me."

"Aren't i supposed to be the one asking you?"

"I think we're past all that, aren't we? Come on, James," she took his hand "marry me."


	57. Chapter 57

Lily had never been more serious about anything in her life. She had been wanting this for months now, just hoping he would ask. But tonight she knew if he wouldn't it had to be her.

"Why tonight, Lily?"

"Because, James, i've been wanting you to ask me for months now, and tonight i'm finally confident enough to do something about it."

"Is this really something you want to remember doing because you were angry?"

He didn't get it.

"I want to remember doing this because i love you."

"Would you have asked tonight if Petunia hadn't announced that her and vernon were engaged?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

"...Probably not, but, James. I'm not doing this _because_ of Petunia. I'm doing this because tonight i finally worked up the courage."

"Are you… is this real, Lil?"

"Yes." she had never meant anything more

James opened his mouth, but before he could reply the door behind them opened. Lily's mother stepped out.

"Sorry to interrupt, kids, but, Lily, i could use your help cleaning up."

Lily took a deep breath in and looked at James "just… think about it, alright?"

She didn't give him a chance to answer, she simply stood up and walked inside, trying not to think about the boy sitting on the steps right on the other side of it.

Lily followed her mother into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame, just watching her mother scrape the pots and fill the sink with bubbles.

"Hey, mum?" she finally snapped out of it

"Mhm?"

"Why don't you just go to bed. It's been a long day. I'll get up and clean the kitchen tomorrow."

"We should really do it tonight…" she argued, but stopped scrubbing all the same

"Mum. go take a nice, hot bath, read a magazine and get some sleep. I'll take care of it tomorrow."

She set down the scrub brush and turned off the water. She walked over and brought Lily into a tight hug

"Thank you."

"No problem, mum." Lily was confused by the sudden burst of affection. The two of them had never been the most touchy-feely people, and hugs were rare.

The last thing Lily wanted to do was wake up early tomorrow morning and do dishes, but selflessness and all that shite, right?

So Lily broke away from the hug and went upstairs to her room. She sat down on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest. She didn't mean to, but she started crying. He should have said yes. Lily acted like a damned fool and fucking proposed and he didn't even say yes. He didn't say no, but she knew he must have thought she was an idiot for asking. What's worse, he thought it was just an emotional gamble. Not like she had been thinking about it for months. Not like she really, _really_ wanted to marry him. The fact that he thought she couldn't feel that way unless she was PMSing caused an ache in her chest she didn't think she could fix.

So lily laid down on her bed. She didn't bother to get under the covers. She didn't bother to change out of her day's clothes. She just let her tears lull her to sleep.

…[...[]...]...

James apparated straight into his bedroom that night, too exhausted to bother actually walking through the house like a normal person.

Sirius jumped when James appeared beside him.

"Oi! You almost caused cardiac arrest!"

"So, a heart attack?" he asked in a deadpan voice

"Eh, whatever."

James crossed over to his bed and fell on it. He had wanted to say yes so bad. More than anything. He'd been thinking about asking Lily for months now, too. But it wasn't the right time. Not the right reasons.

"What's up?" Sirius sat down on the bed next to him. James took off his glasses to rub his face.

"Nothing."

"Mate. come on."

"Really, it's- it's," he stopped. Could he really tell sirius. Would he even understand?

"Let me ask you something first." James decided

"Should i be afraid?" Sirius joked

"Well that depends. Are you in love with Marlene?"

"What does that have to do with dinner at Evans'?"

"Just answer. Please." James added, putting his glasses on his bed side table.

"Yes." Sirius answered with much more conviction than James had been expecting

"Really?"

A nod.

"Would you get married?"

"Mate, _what happened at Evans_ '?"

"Just answer the question."

"To be honest, i don't think i'd ever get married to anyone."

"Why not?" James looked up

"I'm not sure i see the point. I mean, do you really need a piece of paper in order to be together?"

"But, do you really see yourself being with her? In the long run, i mean."

"You know, James, i really do."

James took a minute. He thought about that night's events, and all the years he had been so in love with Lily it hurt. And he stood up.

"You coming?" he put his glasses back on and turned to Sirius.

"Where?"

"I need to buy a ring."


	58. Chapter 58

Lily woke up the next morning, feeling numb and tired. She wasn't sure what woke her. When she looked at the clock on her bed side table it only read seven AM. granted she usually got up that early but she was dead tired.

She groaned at a tapping on the window. The hell was that? It tapped again. And again. That must be what had woken her. She looked up through heavy eyelids to see something flapping angrily outside. James's owl.

That bastard.

He ran out on her last night and now he had sent his bloody owl to wake her up? At seven in the morning, too. Because that was going to make her forgive him. She rolled over and tried to ignore the tapping, but it just kept going.

She told herself to stick it out and _she was mad at him, dammit._

Finally she couldn't take it anymore and groaned loudly. She threw the blankets off and stood up from her bed so fast she nearly got tangled up in them and tripped. She fell half way before she caught herself and angrily untangled her foot from the mess of her comforter.

She threw the window open with a loud slam that she was afraid would wake Petunia. She wasn't afraid to wake Petunia out of courtesy, it was more like she was already pissed and didn't need a bitchy blonde in her room yelling at her at seven AM.

The owl flew in and honestly Lily had never seen an owl look so angry. It was almost like he had a low hanging unibrow. At least there would be no conflict of interest between them. They understood each other.

Lily took the scroll tied to his leg and it felt heavier than a usual letter. She unrolled it and was confused to see that there were no words on it. Just blank parchment. She became annoyed very quickly and unrolled it faster. She muffled an angry scream inside her mouth but something fell out of the scroll and hit her foot. It bounced off into the carpet of her room, silencing her pathetic lament to whoever the fuck was listening.

She looked down and her breath caught in her chest. Was that-

She leaned down and- yes. Oh merlin. _Merlin._ It was a ring. She carefully picked it up and turned it. It was small with a rose gold band and a oval diamond in the middle. There were two smaller ones on the sides of it. It was beautiful. Lily hated extravagant rings and James had taken that into consideration. It wasn't just beautiful, it was perfect. She reached back up for the note and unfolded it all the way. Directly in the center it had two words scribbled on it.

 _Marry me?_

Lily couldn't believe it. She had to be dreaming. She had to be. This was too good. She slipped the ring on. It was a little big, but it looked perfect. Definitely too good. She held her hand out to examine it. This was real. She was engaged.

Lily closed her eyes and barely even noticed the horrible knot in her stomach when she apparated out of her house. Before she knew it she was in James's bedroom.

"Lily-" he started to say but lily cut him off. She didn't even care that Sirius was in the room. She was going to snog her fiance whether his "room mate" liked it or not.

James broke away with the biggest grin Lily had ever seen on him "is that a yes?" he asked, breathless.

"No, i'm just letting you down easy." she laughed and buried her head in his chest. James hugged her to him and for the first time in forever Lily felt _safe._ And she was overwhelmed by the knowledge that she was going to have this forever. She was going to have james. Until the very end.


	59. Chapter 59

James and Lily had been at the shrieking shack for about an hour now along with the rest of the order members. It was what they were using as Order of the Phoenix headquarters. Or, it was what they were going to use. It was still a little bit of a mess so everyone had been pitching in to help clean it up. So far, in about the week they had been working on it, they had gotten rid of all the debris and began straightening up the furniture in it. Most of it was a little… worse for the wear because of all the transformations Remus had had in it. But it was functional.

James smiled over at Lily who was sweeping the floor in the next room while carrying a conversation with Mary. she threw her head back in laughter, the messy bun on the back of her head coming a bit loose with the motion. She was wearing one of James's button downs tucked into a pair of jeans and the sleeves were far too big on her. They were baggy and hung down past her hands. She let go of the broom, the spell she said must have said leaving it to sweep on its own. She grabbed the bottom of the left sleeve and began rolling it up. Mary gasped loudly. James was concerned for a second before Mary grabbed her left hand.

"Lily Evans what is this?" Mary held Lily's hand up in the air, as if Lily didn't already know what she was talking about.

"What do you mean?" James heard Lily ask as he stepped closer, too amused not to listen to the conversation.

"What do i mean? I mean what is this on your hand?" she pointed at the ring

"It's a ring."

"I know. I see it's a ring. I mean what is it doing?"

"...sitting on my finger."

"Good grief, Evans! I know it's on your finger but why is it on your ring finger of your left hand? Huh?"

James walked up to the two of them "hey, Mary."

"James! Is this- did you-"

"Did i what now?"

"Did you… propose?" she whispered the last word so low James almost didn't hear her.

"I didn't." James shook his head. It was true.

"Oh." Mary looked disappointed

"I did, though." Lily smiled

"What? You did? So you two are…?" she raised her eyebrows

"Engaged?" Lily asked "i suppose if that's what the kids are calling it these days."

Mary squealed and grabbed the both of them in a hug.

"Who else knows?" she suddenly pulled back "wait, better question, when? When did it happen?"

"Just Sirius, and it was this morning."

"This morning! Wait, why just Sirius? Is it a secret or something?"

"Not a secret," James shook his head "we just haven't told anyone else yet."

"Wait what's happening?" Alice walked up, dirt smudged on her forehead.

"James and lily are engaged!"

"What she said." James tilted his head towards Mary

"Well this is awkward." Alice chuckled

"Why?" Lily asked

"Well…" Alice slowly raised her hand to show that there was a large, antique-looking ring on her left hand as well.

"Wait-" Lily said "you and Frank?"

"Yup." Alice's face broke out into a wide smile

"When?" James asked

"Three days ago."

"I'm so happy for you!" Lily leaned forward and gave Alice a hug.

"You too!" Alice laughed and embraced James too.

"So when is the wedding."

"Oh, it'll be a while," Alice tucked a curl behind her ear "probably not until sometime next year. What about you two?"

"Uhhhhh," Lily shared a look with James "no idea." she laughed and James relished knowledge he was going to be able to hear that for the rest of his life filled him with warmth.

"Alice?" James heard Frank calling from the other room "where are you we have to finish picking up all that old flooring." Frank walked into the room

"Excuse me," Frank put a hand on his popped hip and did what was actually a pretty convincing southern accent "y'all are supposed to be working till them here cows come home and the boys tip their.. Hats at… eh, whatever." he gave up "what are you guys doing?"

Lily and Alice both stuck their hands out towards him at the same time. If James didn't know better he would have thought it was a rehearsed movement.

"Yes, Alice, i know- wait. Lily, is that? James, did you?" he turned between the two of them.

"Lily did." James smiled

"So you two are-"

"Yes."

Lily cut him off with what must have been the most adorable little grin james had ever seen.

"Well i'll be damned." Frank laughed and brought James in for a hug. James couldn't help but to laugh too, thankful that in the middle of this war they could find some happiness.

"Ugh." Mary groaned "i want a relationship again."

James laughed just as Sirius and Marlene walked into the room. their hands were linked and Sirius pressed a kiss to the back of Marlene's knuckles. It was actually pretty cute. It was just the timing...

"Oh, come on!" Mary threw her hands in the air.


	60. Chapter 60

"Lily?" James turned to her. The both of them were sitting on the bottom of the stairs in the shrieking shack. They had finished cleaning it up for the day and everyone was scattered about having conversations with each other. One more day of cleaning and the little house should be open for business. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

"Mhm?" Lily leaned her head on his shoulder. She could see all the frizzy wisps of hair surrounding her head but she didn't much care.

"I have a proposition for you."

"We're already engaged, James." she reminded him

"A different kind of proposition."

"Well i'm intrigued."

"You sound it." Lily was so tired her voice was incapable of any emotion at this point.

"Go on then." she waved a hand limply

"I'll have to talk to Sirius about it of course, and, well, it's just an idea, but, would you- maybe consider the possibility of… moving in together?"

"Well that's a new one."

"Is that a no?"

"No. i mean- it's a good idea. I like it."

"You do?"

"Yeah. especially if we're getting married. I think it would be a good… test run." she decided was the term.

James wrapped a warm arm around her shoulders. The feeling made Lily smile.

"Lily?"

"Mhm?"

"Love, do you have any idea how happy you make me?"

"If it's anywhere near as happy as you make me i think i can take a guess."

Lily smiled and closed her eyes. The two of them sat like that on the bottom of the stairs for a good few minutes. James rubbed circles on Lily's arm and Lily grabbed his hand. It pressed the ring into her hand and Lily's smile widened. James pressed a kiss to her wrist before standing up.

"No, come back." Lily whined.

"Can't. I'm going to go talk to Sirius."

"Can't you talk to him later? Your fiancee is tired."

"Well, here's assuming she'll still be tired when i get back."

"That's a safe assumption." Lily groaned and straightened up, resting her head on the banister. She watched James walk away and run his hand through his hair. It was getting a bit long but Lily didn't care. It looked nice like that.

While she was distracted Marlene plopped down next to her, causing the stair to creak under her weight.

"So," she nudged Lily with her shoulder

"So?" Lily nudged her back

"What's the happening, the hot fuzz, the deal?"

"I think you're all caught up, unless of course you somehow missed both engagements."

"No i think i caught those."

"So what's up with you and Sirius? What's the _happening, the hot fuzz, the deal_?" she mocked

"Not a whole lot. Not new, anyway."

"You still stuck in that honeymoon phase?"

"Lily, Lily, Lily," she chided "so young. So naive."

"I'm older than you-"

"So unaware that the next stage is even better."

"Ah, yes. Because you've been doing this so much longer than me."

"Hush, child. I'm trying to teach here."

"Okay." lily laughed "since you're so knowledgeable- enlighten me."

"The next phase in the relationship is about understanding. Getting to know each other on a more emotional level."

"Uh-huh," Lily nodded along sarcastically

"It's about appreciating the downs along with the ups."

"Marlene, dear, why are you telling me this?"

"Because," Marlene sighed "Mary's not in a relationship since she broke up with Darla a few months ago and Alice and Frank have been an old married couple since before they even technically started dating."

"Your point?"

"You're the only person who gets it."

"Get's what?"

"The actual process of dating. Alice and Frank have never dated anyone outside of each other. Like, ever. Which, personally i find a little weird."

"Marlene. Point."

"I dunno. Obviously i love Sirius, like _a lot_ , but i just can't handle the thought of being tied down like the rest of you can."

"Marlene, if i know Sirius at all, he doesn't want to be tied down either. There's no pressure."

"No, you don't get it. I want that. I really, really do. It's just… i think i'm afraid of what will happen. I always told myself i wouldn't get too serious in a relationship too fast, but here i am. I'm crazy about him, Lil."

"Well, tell him that."

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"I've seen the way he looks at you, the way he acts around you. He does."

"I'm scared."

"I know." Lily breathed a laugh "that's kind of the point isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it wouldn't be love if it wasn't completely and utterly terrifying."

Marlene groaned and put her head on Lily's shoulder "what moron thought up that system?"

"I do not know, Marlene. I really don't."

A few moments later James walked up

"Ah," he said "i see you've replaced me already."

"That was fast. What did he say?"

"He's fine with it," James shrugged "said him and Remus and Peter were talking about getting a place together anyway. They said they were originally planning on me joining them, but at least they've got it all worked out."

"Wait what's happening?" Marlene chimed

"James and i are talking about getting a place together."

"Already?"

"Already? We've been dating since sixth year."

"Yeah i know." she groaned and stood up "i'll leave you two to make your grand plans then." She smiled and walked off to where the others were.

"Think she's mad?" James reclaimed his spot on the stairs

"Nah. just a little confused."

"About what?"

"How to actually go about a serious relationship."

"Like, a serious relationship or a relationship with _Sirius_." he raised his eyebrows and Lily smacked his arm

"What kind of dad joke?"

"No, Lil, it was a _Pad_ joke. Get it? Because his name is padfoot."

"I got it," she reassured him "i'm just disappointed."

"You still want to get married, right?"


	61. Chapter 61

James sat in the living room of the manor, waiting for his parents to get home. It had been three days since he and Lily had decided to go looking for a place together and he still hadn't told them. It wasn't his fault, they hadn't had time to listen. Work was driving them up the wall. And, by extension, James. He and Lily had agreed to go looking for places tomorrow after the Order meeting with the other marauders. They would be looking for a place too.

James was nearly asleep. It was past midnight and he had been up since seven. It had been such a long day all he wanted was to close his eyes and sleep for a week. But no… he couldn't…

he could. Just as he drifted off his head snapped open at the puff of green smoke coming from the fireplace.

His father stepped out and coughed into a handkerchief that he quickly tucked away when he saw James. He was closely followed by James's mother.

"James, dear, what are you still doing up?" she asked, setting her bag down next to the fire place.

"I told you, i really need to talk to you."

"Alright," she sighed "just let us get changed and we'll be right out."

"Alright." james agreed tentatively, afraid he might fall asleep waiting for them. He refused to so much as blink while he sat there. This was important and he had already fallen asleep last night waiting for them. But to just close his eyes for one second... it would be so nice… no. good grief. It wasn't that hard. Just thirty more minutes without sleep. Ugh. that seemed so long. Fine, james broke it down to seem like less, just ten minutes… three times.

 _This is for the greater good_ he reminded himself. With any luck in a month he would have a flat with Lily. he thought of seeing her every morning when he woke up and knowing she was there every night as he fell asleep. just the idea made him smile.

Of course, he didn't have to tell his parents. He supposed he could just kinda… leave. They'd figure it out. Eventually. But that would be kind of complicated so it was best just to tell them.

When James thought he couldn't possibly keep his eyes open any longer and was just about to give up and go to bed his parents emerged in their nightclothes. His mother had gone so far as to put a sleeping mask on her head like a headband. They looked just as tired as he was, probably more so.

"So," she and James's father sat down on the couch across from him "what is it you need to talk to us about so badly?"

James took a deep breath "i'm moving out."

He was simply greeted with blank stares across from him for a long moment.

"When?" his father finally asked

"I'm not sure yet. Lily and I are going to look for places tomorrow."

"You and Lily?" Mrs. potter nodded slowly "You two are-"

"We got engaged, mum." he had to say it now or he didn't know how much longer they would go without knowing it.

The silence that ensued was eating James alive and he didn't know how much longer he could take it when his mother finally broke it.

"You got engaged?" she said quietly. James simply nodded.

"When?"

"Just a few days ago."

"Why didn't you tell us?" His father asked, and James felt horrible at the sight of the hurt on his face

"I just… didn't want to bother you, or distract you." it was the truth "i know you two are busy with work and voldemort and-" He was cut off by his mother striding over to where James was sitting and smothering him with a big hug.

"We're never too busy for you." she said firmly. James knew it wasn't quite true, but he appreciated the sentiment anyway.

"Thanks, mum." he said as much

"So you and lily are moving in together." she finally released him from the hug and sat down next to him.

He nodded

"So," she smiled and James could see she was trying not to look hurt "how did you propose to Lily?"

"I didn't actually… she proposed to me." James admitted and his father laughed

"I've only met the girl once, but that's far too easy to picture."

"Yeah, that's lily for you." James smiled.


	62. Chapter 62

Lily and the marauders walked together downtown, Sirius holding a list of the apartments they wanted to check out. As they walked Lily suddenly wished she could take a picture and remember this moment forever. With everything going wrong in the world she could only smile at the sight of the four lively boys in front of her running around like they didn't have a care in the world. Peter had stolen Sirius's leather jacket that hung too loose off his shoulders but looked nice anyway. It was at least different from the striped polos.

Remus was holding some fancy coffee he paid far too much for but was enjoying all the same. James was explaining something lily couldn't quite hear that was causing the other two to go into a near frenzy and Sirius was walking beside Lily, shaking his head at the others like some sort of secretly proud mother hen.

"So, Black, decide you've finally outgrown the antics of your friends?"

Sirius looked off into the distance dramatically

"You know, Lily, i believe there comes a time in a man's life when he has to mature."

"Mhm."

"But, Lily, that day is not today."

"As i suspected."

"I just didn't want you to feel like you were all by your lonesome, ostracized, cast out by society,"

"How thoughtful of you, but you are welcome to join your fellow miscreants."

" _Miscreants?_ Oi," he called, miraculously getting all three of their attention "this bird just called you _miscreants_."

Remus stopped and flared his nostrils violently

"How dare you." he sipped his coffee spitefully

"How dare she." peter stuck his nose in the air and put up a hand

"Well i _never_. Come, lads." James turned on his heel and began walking away again, the other two following.

Lily smacked Sirius in the shoulder

"What?" he demanded "you said it, not me." and with that he walked off after the others

…[...[]...]...

The five of them stood in the medium-sized empty apartment over the pub. It had one bedroom with a pitifully small bathroom attached.

"So what do we think?" Sirius asked, clapping a hand on Peter's shoulder

There was a long silence

"Wanna keep looking?" peter asked which was immediately greeted by nods and murmurs of agreement.

The next place was actually pretty good. Another one bedroom with two bathrooms and a decent sized sitting room that had a section with tile and counter to function as a sort of kitchen. It was nice. The only furnishings were an empty bed frame and a decent-looking couch but that was alright.

"What do you think?" Lily bumped James with her shoulder.

"I like it," he nodded

"You do?" she looked at him

"Yeah. it's… charming."

"Let me see that," Lily snatched the list of places from the current holder, remus, and pulled a pen out of her pocket to circle the listing

"Hey, Lily, would you like to see the list?" Remus asked sarcastically

"Okay." She smiled and circled the apartment information and handed it back

"Gee, thanks." he folded it and stuffed it in his pocket.

The next had a smaller sitting room, but a larger two bedrooms and bathrooms. The kitchen area was about the same size, not that any of them were master chefs.

"What do you think, boys?" Sirius threw an arm around both Remus and Peter

"Promising." Remus nodded

"I can just see my dream catchers lined up by that window…" Peter squinted

"Aaand it's over." Sirius withdrew his arms

The five of them wound up sitting outside a cafe they had found that night after killing their feet going to every single apartment on their list. Sirius was sipping on the top of a beer, Peter was coddling a mug of tea, Remus was holding his second fancy coffee of the day (although this one was in a mug with a cream leaf sitting on top), Lily was holding a large paper cup of hot chocolate, and James himself was drinking a seasonal "coffee" that was so dressed up there wasn't actually much coffee in it at all.

Lily took yet another sip of her drink before snapping away from it… again.

"Dammit," she complained under her breath

"Lily," Sirius sighed "dear, if you burn your mouth every time you take a sip of your drink, can't you just wait for it to cool off?"

"You clearly do not understand a woman's need for chocolate." she took another sip before scrunching up her face again when she burned her tongue "Worth it." she said, her expression not quite believable.

The rest of them chuckled.

"I'm hungry," Sirius complained

"You're always hungry." Peter observed

"Careful, or i'll eat you, because, merlin, am i hungry."

"Pads, if you're really that starving why don't you go get something to eat. Just a thought." Remus deadpanned

"Brilliant, Moony. I think i will." Sirius stood, tipping his beer to Remus and heading back inside the cafe.

James took a sip of his drink and smiled, just happy to be where he was. He and Lily had found a small, one bedroom off a busy street. It had a small balcony overlooking the shops across the street, and if you looked around the corner you could just see the nearby park. It was a little loud and a little small. It wasn't perfect but when he had seen her in it he could picture the two of them sitting there, late at night. Or bustling about in the middle of the day. He could hardly believe it was really happening.

James reached over and put an arm around lily and she slid closer to him. It was nice to be able to feel her sitting next to him. He kissed her on the top of the head, breathing in the scent of her hair. He had never been able to quite place what it smelled like. It was some sort of cross between vanilla and coconut. He usually didn't like coconut, but when it came to Lily he could make an exception.

James didn't believe in things like destiny and perfection. But this, right here, must have been pretty damn close.


	63. Chapter 63

SEPTEMBER 24th, 1979

Lily groaned and rolled over, the strips of sunlight sneaking through the blinds waking her. She always felt a little guilty for sleeping in late, especially seeing that James had to leave at six this morning to go on some ridiculous order duty for mad eye. Lily was free from order nonsense today. She was not, however, free from her muggle job.

Even though James had enough money to single handedly rent out probably this entire complex and not worry about going broke, Lily still felt the need to pull her weight. It was only fair. So she had gone out and gotten a job at a coffee shop that was walking distance from the apartment. That was the nice thing about living on what was a decently busy street, you never had to go very far for groceries or a nice cup of hot chocolate.

Lily rubbed her eyes and glanced over at the clock on the bedroom wall.

 _Noon_.

Good grief. She never slept this late. She was up until almost two reading, which was a bit later than she was used to. But still. Good news is she didn't have to be at work until one. That gave her a good hour to get ready. And by get ready she meant take a quick shower, pull on some jeans, and make some toast. She'd be surprised if it took her much more than thirty.

So, reluctantly, lily slipped out from beneath the fluffy white comforter and padded over to the dresser. She had let james have the closet because honestly, she couldn't care less where her T-shirts sat.

She pulled out faded blue jeans and a striped top that showed just a little more of her midriff than she liked. But she was trying to become more confident in her body, so she was going to wear this shirt today dammit.

Lily stepped into the cold shower water and immediately hated everything. She had been trying to take colder showers lately because she had read somewhere they improved hair and skin. But, merlin's tit, was this worth it?

It was not.

Lily wrenched the shower nozzle as far to the left as it would go- and immediately regretted that decision too. Lucifer himself may as well have decided to pay her a visit for how hot it became. She could have sworn just a few layers of skin got burned off just then.

She hurried and moved the nozzle about an inch to the right.

Better, but too cold again.

...Hotter…

Perfect.

Lily took her time in the shower, washing her hair thoroughly and actually shaving her legs for once. She had blonde leg hair so she never really saw the point, but the water was too nice to leave right now and she would feel a bit silly just standing there doing nothing.

After she had finished getting every hair off her legs she could see and stalling to stay in that hot water as long as she could, Lily stepped out onto the mat in front of the mirror and began drying her hair with her wand. All in all, it only took about thirty seconds to look as if it had never been wet. Lily had seen people do it faster, but she had never been particularly good at the charm herself.

After getting dressed and glaring a little bit at her crop top, Lily walked through the bedroom out to the kitchen, checking the clock as she went. It had only been twenty minutes since she'd woken up. And lily knew what that meant.

That's right. Pancakes.

She new the recipe by heart at this point. She and her father had made them every sunday when she was growing up. She still felt a little pain when she thought of her father, but time was healing her as only time could.

She poured in the milk and the flower and began to whisk it all together, almost not even paying attention. This was the perfect skill she had chosen to have in life? The ability to make perfect pancakes? Oh well. They were pretty damn good.

In order to attain maximum fluff in a pancake, the batter has to sit for at least ten minutes in the fridge before being cooked. And lily had thirty before she had to be at work.

Those ten minutes were spent on the couch reading. Lily was currently in the middle of four different books. She just got bored of a certain plot after a while and rather than just taking a little break from reading just picked up an entirely different genre of book. This one was a thriller. Lily was so captured by the book that by the time she remembered to look up fifteen minutes had passed. Oops. she would really have to hurry up and eat now.

Ten minutes later Lily bustled out the door, stuffing her apartment key in her jacket pocket and holding two pancakes in her hand. She hadn't wanted to be late for work and she liked pancakes better without syrup anyway, so she just ate them on the way.

She was just stuffing the last piece in her mouth as she walked through the doors of _Everyone's Cup of Joe_ coffee shop. Three minutes early for her shift and cutting it a bit closer than she liked.

She stamped in and threw the horrendous-looking maroon apron around her waist.

"Hello, what can i get for you today?" she asked, taking a girl named Elanore's spot behind the register.

"A red velvet capaccino, and… your phone number." the guy in front of her winked. Really?

"The red velvet will be two seventy-three." she answered

"And how much for your number?" he asked sliding a few bills across the counter in what he thought must have been a suave way.

"Mate, more than you've got." was her only reply as she pushed his change back to him a bit rudely and turned to make his coffee. She made sure to fuck it up just a little bit, but not so much he could genuinely complain and get another for free.

She handed it to him without looking at him, feeling a bit awkward. This was a great first customer of the day. Woo-hoo.

As she turned to go back to work he just seemed determined to make things worse.

"Damn, what you got an attitude for?"

Lily simply sighed and turned back towards him, forcing herself to make eye contact no matter how humiliated she felt.

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask my fiance, he seems to know me pretty well."

She continued staring.

"See, i 'idn't know it was like that."

Lily was beginning to turn red of awkwardness, so she walked back to the register and pretended not to see him when he tried to get her attention again. Ugh. lovely day, wasn't it?


	64. Chapter 64

James walked back to the apartment later that night, a decent sized bruise on his ribs.

He and Remus had been sent on a simple information run this afternoon. They were supposed to spy on whatever death eater was easiest to get to and see what they could pick up. Only problem was the death eater was a slytherin that had graduated a year before James and Remus and he had recognized them both. It's not like they had exactly kept a low profile while in school.

The two of them hadn't bothered to fight him, just apparate away before too much trouble got stirred up. Only problem was, before James could apparate he got hit in the side by some spell that just felt like an enormous punch.

Moody had said it was just a bruised rib, and James had had enough quidditch injuries in his life to deal.

Pulling a face at a particularly jarring step James stopped in front of the apartment building. There was a loud meowing coming from… somewhere.

There it was again. It seemed like it was off to his left.

James looked around, the meowing growing louder and louder until he found what appeared to be a very ugly kitten caught in some old pipes.

James discretely used his wand to enlarge the pipe the kitten was stuck in and scoop him out. He was quite a dirty little thing with matted fur and what appeared to be grease spots all over.

James looked for a collar or a tag or any other indication this thing might belong to someone. Nothing. Just a kitten outside the apartment building shivering in the cold.

"Alright then." James muttered to himself and held the kitten inside his jacket. Lily was going to have a cow.

"James?" he heard Lily call from the other room as he stepped through the door and dropped his key on the little bowl on the counter.

"No, dear, just Voldemort."

"Good grief, dark lord, care to knock?" she joked, emerging from the bedroom in that little pair of pajama pants that James loved so much.

"What's that?" she asked, gesturing to the kitten that was starting to squirm inside his jacket.

"Well- envision this, love- a sad, lowly creature, abandoned by its own mother and left in the cold to slowly die away. A tale of tragedy."

" _James_ ," Lily said in a warning tone that basically just meant _tell me what you've brought into our home_.

"Fine," he relinquished, holding out the kitten.

"No." was all Lily said "no, no, no, no, no."

"You don't even know what i want to do with it." James defended himself

"You want to keep it, right?"

"I mean, yes, but-"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because- because- it's- it's a cat James! You know how long we're going to be stuck with this thing?"

"Stuck with?"

"Yeah. What if the cat turns out to be a massive arsehole? We can't just get rid of it a year or two from now."

"And what if it turns out to be a little angel sent from the gods." He held the kitten up to her face. She looked unimpressed.

"Pleaseee."

"You know what, James. I always thought to myself that I would have to think a lot before I had kids. That it couldn't be an impulse decision and that I had to be older and ready. But here you are, standing in front of me. Acting like a five year old."

"Shallow, love. Very shallow."

"Says the man thrusting a kitten in my face."

"I could be thrusting other things in your face." James wiggled his eyebrows

"Ah yes. A cock joke to prove your maturity. Good call."

"Lil, a perfectly good pussy is on the line here." He held up the kitten once more.

"See? See what I did there?"

"Your inappropriate- albeit, slightly amusing, puns- won't save this cat."

"Just tonight, lils. Just until we find out what else to do with it. Pretty please?"

Lily rubbed her brow in a sign of defeat and James's spirits rose.

"Fine." she relinquished and James leaned in, giving her a kiss.

"Did you know you're my favorite fiancee that i've ever had?"

"Mhm," the edge of Lily's mouth rose "i'd better be."


	65. Chapter 65

Lily sat on the couch of her apartment sitting room with Alice. They had papers and seating charts covering the coffee table. Her wedding with Frank was in just a few days and there were still several details to be figured out. Not to mention Lily's wedding with James was in just a little over a month. She was a little nervous, but for now she focused herself on what Alice was saying.

"-we can't put our parents at the same table because his dad hates my mom. And we can't put my cousin Jenny there because she hates his dad. So i guess we'll have to put Frank's parents over with Frank's brother."

"Frank has a brother?"

"Oh, yeah, they haven't really talked in years but the slimy bastard invited himself to the wedding, so what can you do."

Alice began moving the pins around on the cork board.

"I'm so glad my wedding is going to be small."

"My wedding is small," Alice complained, scratching something off a list laid out on a legal pad Lily had given her.

Her wedding was small, only about a hundred people were coming, but Lily and James's was going to be less than fifty. They both prefered it that way.

"Did you pick up the bridesmaid dresses?" Lily reminded her, looking at the legal pad.

Alice cursed loudly "no, i didn't!"

Lily couldn't help but to laugh. Moments where Alice cursed were rare, therefore inherently funny.

"Come on, Alice," Lily stood and walked up to the counter to grab her keys

"Where are we going?"

"You're coming with me to pick up the dresses, and on the way back we're going to take ten minutes to get a cup of coffee at my work because i get a discount."

"I don't have time for coffee!"

"Yes you do." Lily grabbed her arm and dragged her away from the wedding plans.

So Alice finally gave in and the two of them began the walk to the shop to pick up the bridesmaids dresses.

…[...[]...]...

Lily lowered herself down onto the couch with a huff. Alice had just left and Lily was trying to release all the stress from her brain.

Tea.

That was the way to do it. Yet another dose of caffeine after her coffee.

Lily got up, walked the few steps to the kitchen and put the kettle on. She wasn't really a fan of black tea like most, she much prefered chai and green. All those good-for-you healthy teas. She reached into the cabinet and grabbed two large green tea bags and a big mug. It was a two bag kind of night.

The kettle started whistling and lily poured the water into the mug, throwing the bags in after it.

She sat back down on the couch and sipped the tea in liberal amounts, even though it burned her mouth.

She was really beginning to de-stress with her second cup when she heard a knock on the door. Who could that be? Did James forget his key? He could always just apparate in, after all.

Lily stood with a groan and went to look through the little hole in the top of the door to see who was here.

She undid the lock and opened it, surprised

"Mum?" she looked worried.

"Oh hello dear."

"What are you doing here?"

"I just came to see you. I was going to ring you first, but then i figured, you're not far from me, why not just stop by? Can i come in then?" she gestured towards the doorway Lily was standing in.

"Oh. yeah. 'Course." Lily moved and shut the door behind her.

"Tea, mum?"

"Green."

"Alright."

After Lily had gotten her mother her own mug of green tea and the two of them were seated comfortably on the couch Lily decided to figure out why she was really here.

"Mum, you didn't just stop by. You look worried. What's up?"

She took a deep breath

"You're right. I didn't just stop by. I've been needing to tell you something for a little while. I just- well, i didn't know quite how. I still don't know how, truth be told, but i figured i'd better."

Lily didn't say anything. She just waited.

"I'm sick, Lily."

"...sick? How?"

Lily's mother proceeded to tell her how she had known for months that she had cancer, but hadn't told her or petunia, wishing the treatments would work. They hadn't. So here she was. She planned to tell petunia over breakfast tomorrow.

"So… there's really nothing we can do?" Lily noticed her tea had gone cold in her hands.

Her mother shook her head and lily wished she could have collapsed into tears. She wished with all her heart. But instead she just sat there. Consumed by the feeling she had not wanted to revisit after her father had that heart attack. It was an emptiness more than just feeling hollow. She felt like a black hole.


	66. Chapter 66

**Hey, guys. I usually don't do author's notes but I just wanted to let you all know I have a new tumblr dedicated to sketches and comics of my favorite moments from this fan fiction (and a few other headcannons). The URL is Potter-comics so please go check it out!**

James came in that night around eleven. He was expecting Lily to be bustling about cleaning something unnecessarily or curled up on the couch drinking tea and reading some thick book. But she was nowhere to be seen. All the lights were still on and her tea mug was left full on the coffee table. He began to grow concerned.

"Lily?" He called tentiravely looking around and waiting for an answer. But none came.

"Lily?" He called again and stuck his head into the kitchen. Nothing. He hurried to check the bedroom and-

Thank Merlin. She was laying on her side on the bed still in her jeans and she hadn't even bothered to get under the covers.

"Lily why didn't you answer? I thought…" he trailed off when she didn't look up. Something was wrong. Very. Even half asleep Lily always tried to answer when he talked to her.

"Lils, what's wrong?" He moved over and kneeled in front of her on her side of the bed. She was staring straight ahead. He took one of her hands in his and held it against his chest. But she said nothing. And after that, neither did James. He just turned off the light and sat on the bed with her until she fell asleep, and he followed soon after.

The next day dawned early for the both of them. Lily rose and dressed without speaking to James. Her expression remained empty as she made breakfast. She made enough eggs for James too, so he knew she wasn't upset with him. Just upset.

While they were eating the little cat James had found (they decided to call him greedo after that movie star wars Lily loved so much) crawled up into Lily's lap and she didn't even swat him away like normal.

James wasn't sure if he should try and talk to her, or if it was just best to leave her alone.

When he had finally decided he needed to talk to her she rose suddenly, collecting the dishes and throwing them into the sink. Then she walked swiftly to the fire, pulled out a handful of floo powder, and said the words to travel to the shrieking shack.

They were supposed to be doing more training with moody today. Their last mission hadn't gone as well as they hoped. No one was killed, but it still wasn't a success. A few were seriously hurt. Therefore, moody had been putting in more time with some of the people that weren't as good at dueling.

James wondered when he'd find out what was wrong with his fiancee as he followed her lead and used to floo powder to travel to hogsmeade.

He stepped out of the fire into a room that was only about half full of people. They had about ten minutes until nine, which is when they were supposed to start. People were stacking chairs and pushing the table out of the way, making room to duel. James stepped forward and grabbed a chair to help.

He saw Lily go over to help push the table out of the way.

"Hey, Lil." he saw Alice smile brightly at her (her and Frank's wedding was tomorrow) and Lily try feebly to return it. Alice looked around quizitorally at James, who could only shrug. He knew what was wrong with Lily about as much as Alice did.

Once everyone had arrived and all the tables and chairs were pushed against the wall Moody limped into the center of the room, his wooden leg making a _thud_ every other step.

"Alright," he squared his shoulders "where did we last leave off?"

"Advanced stunning spells, sir." Hestia Jones answered from across the room

"Right, then. Everyone pair up and get to stunning. Don't bother talking if it's not related to knocking each other on your arses because i'll hear ya." he growling and stepped back to better observe the room. James looked around and Lily was already paired with Hestia.

Alice and Frank had squared off against each other, and the next person he saw was Remus.

"Oi, Moony!" he beckoned him over.

Remus came over and the two of them got to work.

They took turns stunning each other until they grew sore from falling so much, and then moved to blocking each others stunning spells.

Moody was still prowling around the room, gazing upon each pair like he was daring them to do something they shouldn't. Until he actually met the man James had been convinced that most of what he heard about him was exaggerated.

He couldn't actually be _that_ scary.

His face wasn't actually _that_ scarred.

But nope. All of it was true. The man stood even slightly taller than James, with broad shoulders and a stubby nose that looked as if it had seen its fair share of breaking. James thought he would have been rather scary even without the scars and wooden leg.

After some time of stunning each other, and hearing people fall around the room Moody must have decided they'd had enough.

"Alright!" he yelled, loud enough to silence them all "that's enough for right now i suppose. You've all improved, though i reckon you've got to improve a hell of a lot more if we're actually planning to win this war! Keep practicing, keep fighting, and remember," he coughed " _constant vigilance!_ "

A few people actually jumped. He always managed to get at least one of them with his brash catch phrase.

People started to disperse and mull around, babbling about one thing or another. James walked over to Lily, who was looking better, but still rather distracted and upset. He slipped an arm around her waist and was relieved when she leaned her forehead on his shoulder.

Definitely not mad at him.

"You wanna get out of here?"

He felt her nod against his shoulder.

"Alright," he said softly and the two of them walked back over to the fire and flooed home.

"Lily," he asked as he stepped out of the fire onto the soft carpet of their apartment "are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?"

She stopped walking towards the bedroom for a moment and just stood there. He wished her back wasn't toward him so he could see her face. Have any inclination as to what she was thinking.

She finally turned around, her face unreadable.

"It's my mom," she said slowly, her voice as neutral as her face "she- she's dying."

James couldn't quite believe it. Her mother was dying- not even a year after her father's death and her sister was getting married to that awful bloke. Vermin or something like that.

James was expecting tears after these words. Sobs, even. Some sort of emotion coming from the blank-faced girl in front of him. She simply looked exhausted.

"When did you find out?" he finally asked

"Last night."

Oh.

"I'm so sorry, Lil. so, so sorry."

"Me too." she said in the same blank voice and turned around and walked away from him.


	67. Chapter 67

Lily woke up the next morning thoroughly exhausted. Her eyes felt leadden in her head. She didn't feel up to getting out from under the blankets on her bed, much less going to Frank and Alice's wedding this night. She felt incredibly guilty at the thought, but it was true. It was like her life had been going steadily downhill.

She was sick of fighting. She was sick of having to go tooth, nail, and fist to not die when she stepped a foot out the door. She wanted everything to just stop for a moment. Just a day. A day where she could read and go out to the movies without having to worry about the order or death eaters. A day with both her parents well and healthy and a petunia that didn't hate her. She wanted the family she used to have. She wanted, for the first time in her life, her ignorance about who she was back.

But she knew she couldn't have it.

Lily slowly rose and stood in a burning shower entirely too long.

Once out of the shower and dressed lily ate a single bowl of a cereal she didn't quite like but ate because it was going stale.

She finished with her breakfast and was simply staring out the window at all the traffic driving by when James came out of the bedroom. He kneeled in front of her chair and took her hand. She looked at him for the sake of humoring him, but she didn't think he could say anything that could make her feel much better.

"Lils, I have no idea what you're going through. I really don't so I'm not even going to pretend to understand, but I know it must be awful. However, I also know that some of our best friends are getting married today. I know that they've been waiting forever and today is supposed to be happy. I'm not saying everything has to be totally perfect today, but I am saying that, for yourself more than anyone, you should try to have a little fun."

Lily wanted to argue but he was right. The world was going to move on no matter what happened. And her mum wasn't gone yet, just sick. So she nodded in agreement. She was going to have some fun today.

She stood at the front of the church dressed in the pale purple gown Alice had picked months ago. It went all the way down to her feet but made up for that modesty with the way the top was cut. Lily hadn't wanted to wear it, insisting she didn't have the figure, but Alice had wanted her to. And it was her wedding, after all.

She had to admit, she had wondered before the service started how she was going to let go and have fun. But watching Frank and Alice exchange their vows at the front of the church made her happy again. It gave her hope. In this world of everything going wrong; wars and sickness and death, two people were carrying on like it didn't even phase them. And that was beautiful.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Frank and Alice leaned forward into each other, and even from where Lily was standing, the smiles on their faces shone big. Alice turned to the audience and cheered and people clapped and laughed. Fuck. James was right. She really was starting to have a good time.

The by the reception most of the adults and stuffy obligatory guests had fled and it was mainly just the recent graduating class of hogwarts.

Lily was dancing with Sirius, while Remus had gotten roped into dancing with a shy cousin of Frank's that had been eyeing him and blushing all night. James was dancing with peter and, boy oh boy, that was a sight.

"Alright, Evans, you are quite the dancer, I'll give you that. However, to really turn this party up to an eleven I'm gonna need some booze."

"I guess I'm with you there." Hey, she was supposed to be having fun, right?

"Wow, Evans. Getting on my level."

"I'm no prude. I've had plenty of drinks with you before, Sirius."

Sirius walked over to the bar and turned around with two shots.

"Prove yourself." He inclined one towards her and wiggled his eyebrows. Lily simply raised hers right back and took both the shots. One right after the other.

"Evans!" He seemed genuinely surprised

"Catch up, Sirius." She laughed and went to find James.

Thirty minutes later and Lily hadn't stopped with those two shots. Then again after she found James he had kept pace with her so whatever. Fun, right?

Sure, her brain was a little fuzzy. And by a little that really meant quite a bit. But who cared. What else were you supposed to do at a wedding besides get hammered with your fiancé?

Speaking of James Lily hadn't fully appreciated just how good he looked tonight until now. His sleeves were rolled up and his shirt was unbuttoned a little at the top. His hair was a mess, but when wasn't it? It's just added to the look of casual hotness that was coming off of him.

"You- you know, potter," Lily wrapped her arms around his neck "you're kinda cute."

"Cute in a awww kinda way or like- like a," he raised one eyebrow and winked "kinda way?"

"Right now it's totally the second one."

He giggled "good."

And then the two were kissing. Lily never appreciated how nice his lips felt on hers, or how nice his hands were against her skin.

"You- wanna-" she broke apart the words between kisses "go- back to- our place?"

She felt a hot laugh of his against her neck and felt a slight tingle go up her spine.

"L-lily, love, I'm surprised you even had to ask."

And the two of them apparated back into the dark apartment, stumbling through to get to the bedroom.

Why were they wearing so many clothes anyway? That was stupid. Lily didn't want to break away from James long enough to take them off. But they managed. And then it was something Lily had never felt before. She and James were simply lost in each other.


	68. Chapter 68

James woke the next morning, his head aching just a little from the hangover. He had had worse. He rolled over and groaned, only now realizing he was naked. And so was Lily.

Oh Merlin.

Please say they hadn't-

But, sure enough, when he searched his memory he found last night in it. He and Lily certainly had… oh, merlin. It was not supposed to happen this way. Not when they were both drunk and unprepared. It was supposed to be planned. It was going to be romantic and special, not something the both of them could hardly remember after a night of heavy drinking.

But it was too late to change that now.

"Ugh, bagshot's left tit." Lily groaned, waking next to him "i think i'm going to puke."

She lay there for a moment that seemed far too long to James before he began to see in her face that she was putting together the pieces.

"Oh, no," she moaned, rolling off the bed and bringing a sheet with her as she leaned down and picked up James's shirt off the floor. And then walked a few steps and found her dress by the doorway.

"Please say we didn't…" she massaged one of her temples with her fingers, holding the sheet she had wrapped around herself with the other hand.

"I think we did."

"That's not how it was supposed to go!"

"Believe me, i know."

"I take it back." she plopped down on the bed again "that doesn't count. We get to do again and count it as the first. Drunk shagging doesn't count."

"Fine, fine," James agreed "we get to do it again." he rolled back over, pressing his face into his pillow.

"Ah, shit," he heard Lily mutter

"Hmm?" he inquired, his face still pressed into the cotton pillowcase.

"I have to be to work at ten and it's already nine thirty. Shit." James felt her weight go off the bed and heard her scuffle off to the shower. Guess that left him on breakfast duty. And apparently the both of them were just going to pretend last night didn't happen. Great. He could work with that.

James stood up, his head throbbing a little with each step he took. He got dressed and hurried into the kitchen and started the pancake batter. Pancakes and sausage. Good hangover food.

He worked quickly, flipping the sausages and pancakes as they sizzled on the pan. After all those mornings helping the house elves had actually turned him into a pretty decent cook.

Lily came bustling into the kitchen at nine forty-three. She grabbed a plate from the cabinet and began loading it with food.

"Gee, Lil. hungry?"

"Ughhh," was her only response as she poured liberal amounts of syrup on everything on her plate and began shoveling it into her mouth with a fork.

"Good grief if you don't slow down you'll- you'll… i don't even know what would happen at this rate, but if you keep eating like that i expect we'll find out."

"Oh, shut it," she murmured through her full mouth

"What time do you work till tonight?" he asked, filling his own plate with food

"Six," she swallowed "and i am not looking forward to it. My head isn't either."

"I can understand that." James agreed. Even though he had had his fair share of hangovers he still wasn't fond of them.

"Well," Lily shoved her plate in the sink a minute later "gotta go. See you tonight."

"See you tonight," James agreed as she hurried out the door.

Now to just go about his day and pretend that he hadn't just lost his virginity last night.


	69. Chapter 69

Lily came practically crawling through the door that night after work. It had been a long, loud day. Her headache had lasted a whole lot longer than she would have liked it too and she had never gotten to take her lunch break, due to Lindy being out sick. She was starving and tired and just not in a great mood all around.

She locked the door behind her and made a beeline for the kitchen. She needed food.

But, the cherry on top of what was already a shitty day, was that the fridge was almost completely empty.

What about the cabinet? No luck there either. Just an old granola bar and a box of pasta that had been open since the dinosaurs went extinct. Maybe even before. Brilliant.

"James!" she called, wondering if he was home, or if he had gone out.

"Yeah?" he called back after a minute

"Did you know that if a starving mouse came into our cabinet looking for food crumbs he would probably just die?" Lily grew sarcastic when she was in a foul mood.

"Huh?"

"If this were colonial times and we had to trade food in order to survive, we'd be dead too."

"What?" he finally came out of the bedroom

"We have no food."

"Oh. Why couldn't you just say that the first time?"

"Because my way was more fun."

"Was it?"

"Absolutely. Point is, Potter, i have to go shopping tonight. Apparently."

"Potter? Wow, you really are hungry."

"No shit! Have you seen my bag?"

"Dining room table."

She muttered something that might have been thanks before snatching the sad, lonely granola bar out of the cabinet and going to retrieve her bag.

"Do you just want me to go?"

"No, you're bad at shopping. Do you need anything specific while i'm out?"

"We need soap."

"Soap, got it. Okay, i'll see you when i get back."

She shut the door before he could say anything else and ripped open her granola bar.

Lily made her way to the store, thinking what food they needed. Probably some vegetables, a loaf of bread, cereal… chocolate cake. Absolutely. Dark chocolate with icing between the layers. Those cakes were like seven pounds but bloody hell she was going to get one. She deserved it.


	70. Chapter 70

James and Lily sat next to each other with a certain awkwardness the next afternoon at the order meeting in the shrieking shack. Things had been a little tense since they refused to talk about the other night any more. James almost wanted to, if it would clear the air between them. But he was also a little embarrassed he had allowed that to happen.

Moody was laying out an attack formation for them. They had learned that the death eaters were planning another raid on the ministry tonight.

The ministry had probably already been compromised by death eaters on the inside, but they had to at least try.

"Where's marlene?" Lily leaned over and asked alice after moody had finished talking.

"I dunno. I'm just annoyed i could only get away with a one day honeymoon. Speaking of which… where did you and James go off to at the reception?"

That was his cue. James stood and walked over to where the other marauders were sitting across from him.

"Black, any idea where that girlfriend of yours is?"

"Yea, she and her family all caught this horrible flu from her cousin a couple days ago. It's not real pretty."

"You been to see her?"

"Apparated over into her room the other day. Poor thing can barely move."

"That's too bad, tell her i hope she feels better next time you see her."

"Will do," he gave a mock salute

"If you're all quite finished yapping we have a mission to complete!"

Mad eye's voice rang through the room, invoking instant silence. They couldn't mess this up. The raid tonight was supposed to be big and odds were they wouldn't all make it out like they did last time.

"Line up. One at a time apparation to the back alley. Twenty seconds apart. And remember-"

"Constant vigilance," everyone in the room got to it before he could

"Alright, alright," he answered gruffily "just so long as yeh get the point."

Everyone in the room lined up facing the door and began apparating exactly twenty seconds apart. James hadn't realized half a minute could feel so long.

He went to the back of the line where Lily was standing, looking solemn.

"Lily-"

"Don't."

"What?"

"I lost my dad, i'm losing my mom, and if we're being honest i lost Petunia a long time ago. I'm not losing you too. Don't you dare say goodbye."

"Alright," he agreed "...can i at least say i love you?"

She sighed and stared ahead like she wasn't going to answer him for a moment before turning and giving him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"I love you too," she said, her words as quiet as the kiss, before stepping up to her place in line and apparating to the ministry.

James didn't want to be here so many miles away from her. Twenty seconds seemed an unbearably long time.

Five.

Four.

"Focus, potter!"

Two.

One.

James felt the suffocation of apparating and then the instant release as he was let out by the back alley by the ministry. There was a short line of people standing quietly, waiting to go around the corner. They were to wait another thirty seconds after arriving to go into the building so it wouldn't look suspicious to have twenty-something people rushing into the ministry.

Hestia was to go in first and try to calmly get people out.

James could see some of those people around the corner, looking confused, but walking the opposite way down the street just the same.

The line moved until there were only about four people in front of Lily and James.

A scream sounded out. And then all hell had broken loose. A few dozen death eaters had stormed the building all at once and were firing spells off at random.

James, Lily, and the other four ran in to see pandemonium as spells littered the air.

Bodies fell left and right, most of them just injured, but a one or two fell dead from a well-aimed killing curse.

Some of the people inside the ministry were fighting back, but many were simply screaming and running for cover. Some went for the door, but they couldn't make it across the room in time.

James sent a hex at the death eater closest to the door, who was the main reason most of them couldn't get out. He dodged it easily and sent one back at James, who barely missed it. He ran straight for the death eater, casting a protection around himself and simply took an uppercut to the man's chin. Punching him square in the face wouldn't have worked because of the mask covering his featured, and this punch barely made it. James's last two fingers throbbed, having made connection with the metal anyways. But the good news way now the death eater was off balance and James was able to curse him easily.

He dropped to the ground, a loud smack issuing when his body hit the floor.

James whirled to see Remus fiercely battling a woman with streaky blonde hair. Remus was putting up a good fight, but one of her spells caught him off guard and he dropped his wand.

" _Accio_!" James commanded, and ran for Remus as his wand flew into James's hand.

"Moony!" he took a chance and threw the slender piece of wood across the room to Remus, who caught it in his left hand and fired a spell that knocked the female death eater off her feet.

"Thanks, prongs." he huffed

"No problem."

The two of them separated again, fighting their way through the room as fast as possible, but still barely a match for Voldemort's followers.

James put a freezing spell on a rather short death eater in front of him and turned to see Peter quickly losing a fight only a few feet to his right.

He heard the word "Crucio" begin to issue from the death eater's mouth, and before he knew what he was doing, he had lept in front of a shaking Peter.


	71. Chapter 71

The spell hit him square in the chest and it felt as if it pulsed with his heart. Each beat made the pain grow stronger. Pain like he had never felt before. Pain he could have never even imagined.

White-hot daggers were working their way under his skin as slowly and pain-provoking as possible. Ice was coating itself around his lungs until he couldn't breathe.

He didn't know how much longer he could stand this torture before it got the better of him. No matter how much he yelled it wouldn't stop. It got worse. It was as if the pain was feeding off him and eating him away piece by piece.

And then it stopped. Or had it? Was it just letting him find hope again, only to return and dash it out?

Soft, familiar hands cupped his face.

"James!" her voice was kind, but insistent all the same.

"I'm- i'm sorry. He just jumped in front of me- i- i didn't know what to do!"

"James! Come on!"

He finally opened his eyes to see the burning expression of Lily kneeling in front of him.

"Oh, thank merlin," she sighed "can you get up?"

"Yes." his voice was weak. He stood on shuddering legs and reclaimed his wand from Peter.

"Can you fight?" Lily asked, stabling him with her own, smaller frame

James wanted to say no with everything in him. He wanted to go back to his old room at his parents and sleep for days. He wanted to sit back on this floor and try to forget about the pain that was still threatening to return to his body.

"Yes." James pushed everything else aside and just focused on Lily. he had to keep fighting. He had to know she was safe.

Lily wanted to do about a million unforgivable curses on the death eater she had just knocked out. The one who had been torturing James.

She had never seen him look so vulnerable- so weak. He leaned against her as he stood. His hair stuck to his forehead with sweat.

Lily remembered how the cruciatus curse felt and she had sympathy for James. She would never wish it on anyone. Well, anyone but the bitch who had just put James through it, that is.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes." he nodded, this time with a little more conviction.

"Okay." she nodded back and slowly let go of him. He was strong. He would be fine.

Lily cried out as she felt a sudden, sharp pain go through her calf. She stumbled forward and James caught her, firing off a hex at whoever had cursed her. She heard Peter fire one too, and a body hit the floor.

Lily pushed herself back up to standing, and winced when she put weight on her leg. She looked down to see blood soaking her pant leg. Sectumsempra. Damn Severus for creating that stupid spell.

The battle waged on, lasting almost another whole hour before the death eaters apparated away.

It ended badly for everyone. The gash in Lily's leg still hadn't stopped bleeding. James was still shaken from the cruciatus curse. Remus's right side of his face was so swollen he could barely see out of that eye and Sirius's ankle had been snapped. All together James was just glad it hadn't been worse. They had come off rather well, really.

A few death eaters even littered the ground- dead. Hit by misfired curses or killed on purpose. James didn't know. He didn't want to kill anyone and looking at their lifeless forms, concealed by the masks, made him feel like he was in the wrong. But this was war. If someone didn't kill the death eaters they would kill hundreds of innocents.

Everyone was in various states of recovery around the room. Lily and James sat on the floor with Sirius. Peter and Remus were trying to help injured ministry members.

Lily stripped off her shirt and rolled up her pant leg, wincing as it touched the gash. She tied the shirt tightly around it and took off her belt as well. She tightened it above the wound and gritted her teeth. Sirius was holding his ankle gently.

"It was too easy." James voiced

"I was going to say the same thing." Lily agreed

"Excuse me, mate? Too easy? We almost died."

"No we didn't." Lily said quietly

"I'll say it again- excuse me?"

"How many killing curses did you see today? How many dead bodies of order members are around this room? They weren't out to kill. Not all of us, anyways. They were stalling. Something else was going on. Something- something they didn't want us to know about." she spoke faster, becoming more sure in what she was saying.

James thought about what she was saying. It made sense. There weren't even that many death eaters here tonight. No deaths on the side of the order. Not even any life-threatening injuries. He knew they had masks and all, but James hadn't even seen any of the more common death eaters here tonight. No bellatrix- who was always wanting to be at the center of every big attack. No Lucius- always out to prove himself. None that James immediately recognized.

Something else had definitely been going on.

"We should get back and tell Moody." Lily said

James nodded.

"Can you aparate?" he asked her. He didn't know if she would be able to focus well enough to do it without splinching herself.

"I'm not sure,"

"I don't want to take any chances right now. What about you, Sirius?"

"I think i'm probably alright."

"I'm taking both of you separately. This is not the day for someone to lose an arm aparating."

"Fair enough," Sirius nodded

"'I'm taking Lily, and i'll be right back for you, Padfoot."

He nodded and Lily grabbed onto James's arm.

The two of them apparated back to the shrieking shack, and James quickly set Lily down in a chair. She was looking a bit woozy from all the blood she had lost.

When James looked up again Moody had a wand pointed at the both of them. Only a few other order members had made it back so far.

"Prove it's you." he commanded

James thought for a moment "Once when i was four I accidentally made it rain in the ministry of magic when i broke my toe." James said. He had been in the hall right outside Moody's office. His parents had taken him to work with them that day.

"Alright," he nodded and turned the wand to Lily "and you?"

"I- i only got an A on my defense against the dark arts OWL." Lily said, holding her bleeding calf.

"Alright," he nodded again and put his wand away.

"Moody," Lily began "we think- we think the raid today was just a cover for something. It was- it was too easy."

"Funny. That's what a lot of the others here have been sayin' too."

"Are we alright to leave yet?" Mary called from across the room, holding her left wrist close to her chest.

"I suppose, just be carefull. Constant vigilance!"

"Thanks," Mary called back before the loud _pop_ of apparation sounded through the room.

"I'll be right back, Lil." James said quietly to her, before going back to get Sirius.

He apparated only a few feet in front of him and Sirius had drawn his wand in a second.

"Oi! Prongs, you can't do that to a man who's just been in battle!"

"You knew i was coming back to get you."

"Still!"

"Alright, alright. Can you stand long enough to apparate back?"

"I should be fine. I've had worse, after all."

Sirius took James's arm and stood, putting all his weight on his uninjured leg. His expression showed how truly hard it was for him.

"Ready?" James asked.

He nodded and the unpleasant feeling of apparation swept over James again.

The first thing he heard was sobbing when he got back.

"Prove it's you!" Moody had his wand pointed at Sirius's chest.

"I uh- uh… i once enchanted your wooden leg to catch on fire every time you stepped on a crack in the sidewalk."

"That was you?" he growled

"Nevermind that-" James sat Sirius down next to Lily and went over to where Mary was crying.

"What's the matter with her?" James asked

"Don't know." Frank answered, kneeling down next to her "no one can get it out of her."

"It- it's-" Mary choked between sobs "it's Marlene."

"What?" Sirius tried to stand across the room, but immediately fell back in his chair.

"She- she's- i went t- to see if she was feeling any b- better and she's-" another sob racked Mary's body.

"She's what, Mary?" Sirius tried to stand again, but Lily held him back in his chair.

"She- they're d-d-dead!" she finally managed to get out and then began crying worse than ever.

Sirius's face went utterly blank. There was no sign of emotion or even that he had heard what Mary just said. He tried to stand again

"Sirius- no." Lily tried to keep him in his seat

"Let go of me." he said in a dead voice James had never heard before. Lily released her grip and Sirius stood, leaning on the chair to support him.

"Son, you can't-" Moody tried to start but he was cut off by a loud _pop._ Sirius had apparated away.


	72. Chapter 72

Lily and James apparated right behind Sirius, numb in denial from the news, and also full aware that it might be a trap.

As they apparated into the Mckinnon's house only a few seconds behind Sirius Lily wished they hadn't. It was horrible. She didn't need to see this. No one did.

Broken furniture and picture frames were speckled around the house like someone had tried to put up a fight and sorely lost. And beyond that...  
Mr. and Mrs. Mckinnon themselves. They wore old pajamas under bathrobes and Mrs. Mckinnon still had a slipper stuck on one foot. Their faces were blank and reminded Lily of plaster statues, like they had never even been real in the first place.

It was the same feeling Lily had when she saw her father tucked away in his coffin. Like he was just a copy of himself. A shell. Never before had these bodies actually been filled with laughter and happiness and tears… they just couldn't have been.

Sirius was frozen a few feet ahead of them, and he seemed to be thinking the same thing.

It took him a moment to break out of his trance.

"Marlene!" he called and turned, running up the nearby staircase two steps at a time, limping on his ankle, but apparently finding the injury irrelevant at the moment "Mar!"

Lily did not want to follow him. She didn't want to see what she knew she would find at the top of those stairs. She didn't want this to be real.

But it was. Lily always tried to prepare herself for the day that someone she was close to would get caught in the crossfire. But it didn't work out the way you thought it would. There would always be the shock and the denial and the hurt. Always.

Lily followed Sirius up the steps slowly, the pain in her calf hindering her. But that was hardly important. How could she think of a simple cut in her leg when one of her best friends could be dead?

No. she wasn't dead, she just wasn't. Marlene was going to fight in the war until the end. Until they won. She was going to stay with Sirius and the two of them were going to get a flat together. She wanted four ugly cats and a place with a view of the street beneath it. She wanted a big bed and a cactus on her windowsill. Someone that real, with so many thoughts and feelings, couldn't just be _gone_.

They reached the top of the stairs and Lily turned the corner into what she knew to be Marlene's room.

And then she stopped.

Sirius stood next to the doorway, a broken expression on his face. But his face wasn't what Lily was looking at.

Marlene lay on the ground, her body as empty as those of her parents. Her eyes stared blankly at the ceiling above her. Her dirty sweats were pulled in odd ways around her. Her shirt hung too low and one pant leg was pulled up an awkward amount. Her headband plastered a few strands of dirty hair to her forehead.

Lily almost felt like Marlene was going to rise any second and complain about needing a shower.

But she wasn't. She couldn't. Because she was… gone. De- no. lily couldn't use that word about Marlene. The living embodiment of wildfire. The girl with dreams and a wild spirit. She was going to walk into the next order meeting with a new, ugly scarf tied around her neck joking about all the hickies she was trying to hide beneath it.

No. no she wasn't. She was- she was… dead.

Sirius crumpled against the wall. Lily had never seen him so desperate. Even in his worst moments there was always a joke hiding somewhere on his face. There was always a laugh ready to be pulled out of the situation. But not now.

Sirius held his face in his hands and sobbed.

Lily wanted to stop looking at Marlene but she couldn't. She couldn't take her eyes off her lifeless friend.

Besides, this is one of the last times she would ever see her. Even if she was… gone.


End file.
